Chapter 132

“What do you mean….”

Johan was acting like an idiot, so I grabbed his hand and pulled him over.

He came along without resisting, but when I pushed his shoulder and made him lie down, he didn’t know what to do and just sat there stiffly.

“What are you trying to—!”

“Get some sleep.”

“I don’t need it.”

“No. You need to lie down right now.”

I suggested it to him.

“Sleep and then let’s talk again. Neither of us is in our right mind right now.”

I forced Johan down with strength.

He probably didn’t know.

That by the time he saw the morning sun rise, his nerves looked like they’d crumble into ashes.

Once I made him lie down, the bed felt full.

I lay down beside him.

Pretending not to notice his trembling gaze, I pulled his arm and wrapped it around my waist.

His arm stiffened like a wooden puppet.

“What is this? Are you really trying to torment me to death? Or are you planning to abandon me again while I sleep?”

“You can hold me. It’s really okay….”

Johan swallowed a low breath, and his muscular body tensed.

I was just as tense.

It was unfamiliar, nerve-wracking, and even made me feel like I wasn’t in my right mind.

I’ve never even slept this close with Maria, so lying down embracing someone who’s neither family nor a friend is a first for me today.

I adjusted his arm slightly so he could wrap it more securely around my waist.

“Just go to sleep.”

I quickly added the reason, “If we’re like this, you’ll notice even if I move a little.”

He glared at me resentfully, his lips trembling.

The damp corners of his eyes glinted sharply.

Johan didn’t get angry like before. He didn’t sneer at me or criticize me either.

He just kept staring like that. As if he believed he could find the answer from me.

I gave Johan an awkward smile. I wanted to ease even a little of the fear he held.

I could feel his trembling breath above my head.

A voice, carrying the swell of his emotions intact, brushed against my ear.

“You’re truly cruel. After throwing me away like that, you won’t even give me the proper time to be angry.”

“It’s because I’m a terrible woman who deserves to fall into hell.”

“Hell is where people like me go. Don’t say things like that carelessly.”

“Just close your eyes.”

I raised my hand slightly and covered Johan’s eyes.

“It’s only two o’clock.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

When Johan tried to get up, rustling, I quickly burrowed into him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

When I tightened my grip, he stopped breathing.

His body stiffened even more than before.

It was a rare, innocent look from a man as sharp as a finely honed blade.

“Stop resisting and go to sleep.”

It’s a relief my memories only came back recently. Thinking about it now… yes, deciding to leave alone for Johan’s sake was such a foolish choice.

I should’ve just been selfish.

My guilt is already overflowing inside me, so adding one more thing like Johan wouldn’t have suffocated me to death….

From Johan, who swallowed back his surging emotions by pressing his lips together, came the sound of a hurried breath, like he was holding something in.

It made it clear just how emotionally unstable he had been.

Johan slowly, but firmly, pulled me into his arms. Then he locked me tightly within his embrace.

I deliberately burrowed into his chest and rested my face against it.

Thump. Thump.

Thump. Thump.

The sound of his rapidly beating heart reached me faintly.

I heard him swallow.

The long, muscular arms wrapped around me trembled ever so slightly.

Without turning over even once and staying tightly held, Johan’s breathing gradually slowed.

His exhaustion, tension, and pain brushed against my hair with each exhale.

Even as he fell asleep, unaware that I was running my hand along his back, the arm wrapped around me didn’t loosen even a little.

I couldn’t move at all, so it felt a bit stifling, but seeing him sleep like the dead made me think this level of discomfort was bearable.

‘This scent….’

I like the distinct scent that comes from him.

I’ve only ever smelled it when I briefly wore Johan’s knit, but I missed this scent.

It’s not just the scent.

His voice, his eyes, the corners of his lips… I simply missed this man.

Ah. Love has won. I dared to try a fight that was impossible to win.

Abandoning Johan is impossible.

I should respect my feelings that want him.

With that thought, it feels like everything has fallen back into place.

To the point that this ridiculous distance I created with a man whose hand I’ve barely even held properly feels like nothing.

Focusing on Johan’s breathing, before I knew it, I grew drowsy as well.

I surrendered myself to the sleep rushing over me.

When I opened my eyes, quite some time had passed.

‘He’s still asleep.’

There was a light left on in the room that I hadn’t turned off before falling asleep, so it wasn’t very bright, but it wasn’t dark either.

Since I couldn’t hear any cars outside, it seemed to be late dawn.

I wanted to check the time, but if I moved to look at the clock, Johan would surely wake up, so I stayed still.

Johan was still holding my waist tightly without loosening his grip at all.

As he slept, he looked like a quiet lake under moonlight. Even though his condition was a mess, he was still beautiful.

I especially wanted to touch his soft-looking hair.

I wanted to tickle his face with my breath and gently brush his lips with my fingertips.

Ignoring the strange impulse, I burrowed into him.

When I rubbed my face against his chest, he shifted slightly.

I filled my lungs with his scent.

At that moment, strength returned to his arm.

When I slowly lifted my head, half-lidded eyes were looking at me.

Because he hadn’t fully woken up, the emotions he usually suppressed when awake were revealed without concealment.

In those eyes shining with a cold hue, I found a burning affection.

A tender and blind emotion.

Warm enough to feel like it could melt the winter I’m trapped in.

As if he still couldn’t believe I was there even after waking, Johan clenched his teeth.

“Giselle….”

When he pressed the back of my head, my forehead bumped lightly against his chest.

Johan confessed in a damp voice, “I missed you. More than you could ever imagine.”

So much.

Johan, saying that, was trembling all over.

My disappearance had startled him greatly, hurt him deeply, and… caused him immense suffering.

Knowing it with my head and truly realizing it in my heart are completely different things, and right now, the misery he felt is being conveyed to me exactly as it was.

Johan held me and trembled for a long time, and while I stayed in his arms, I blamed myself out of guilt.

***

1. It’s been a week. Have you been well?
2. Not at all. After I confessed my family matters, I was flooded with contact from people around me. So I disconnected my phone line and stayed like that.
3. It must’ve been something you wanted to hide, so why did you choose to confess it honestly?
4. It was something that would’ve come out eventually.

Sunshine’s real name is already known, and while it’s difficult to verify facility or medical records, it’s not impossible to find them.

On top of that, hasn’t his face been printed on the front page of the newspaper before?

For many reasons, I thought it was best to reveal the whole truth.

1. It must have been very hard on you. Since you mentioned the newspaper, I have no choice but to ask now. What is your relationship with Giselle Moltke?
2. We were in a romantic relationship. To be precise, we were at that time.
3. Please explain in more detail.
4. Giselle had been making anonymous reports to the Organized Crime Division for a long time.

At the beginning of this year, she even put Raphael in prison once.

Raphael went in under the identity of a homeless man and escaped shortly after.

I think she was very disappointed at the time, and her mindset changed because of it.

Then she encountered a bank robbery and ended up taken hostage, and I was dispatched that day.

In principle, bank robbery isn’t handled by the Organized Crime Division, but one of my colleagues needed an appendectomy, so I ended up going.

Anyway, the next day, Giselle came to see me.

She used the name Giselle Rodriguez and asked me out on a date.

After that day, we quickly fell for each other.

1. What did you like about her?
2. She’s beautiful.

When we first met, I said something rude, that she looked like a squid.

She was so pretty that I thought if I didn’t ruin the first impression, I’d end up chasing after her.

Looking back now, it was meaningless resistance. (Haha)

As I got to know her, I realized her charm wasn’t her appearance, but her inner self.

She’s cheerful and strong. She’s much livelier than she looks, so being with her is really fun.

1. When did you find out Giselle Moltke’s identity? The police said you were protecting her for the safety of an internal informant.
2. The morning my mother passed away.

Raphael, who was curious about the man his sister was seeing, came to find me.

Since I’d worked in the Organized Crime Division for a long time, I had run into Raphael a few times before, so I recognized him right away.

That incident led to my breakup with Giselle.

The higher-ups decided that it would be inappropriate for the police to be associated with the boss of an underground organization, so I denied that we were in a relationship.

I understand it was unavoidable from the organization’s standpoint, but personally, I feel ashamed.

Even after we broke up, Giselle continued to ask the police for help.

She resolved to imprison Raphael in the central government’s underground prison to stop his crimes.

Then a bounty was placed, and at Giselle’s request, I came to protect her.

―The interview continues in the next section.―