Chapter 131

How should I describe our relationship?

A bodyguard and employer?

A patient and benefactor?

We’re definitely not friends. Friends don’t feel this way about each other. Ours is an unhealthy, tense relationship.

“Yes. Well… more importantly, about that offer. I think I should decline it.”

“Is the hourly wage too low?”

“No. I think the restaurant job suits me better.”

“Then it can’t be helped.”

I paid for a slice of cake and coffee. She said she’d give it to me for free, but it felt burdensome, so I firmly refused.

We took a seat by the window where the sunlight was strongest, and Johan took the chair across from me.

Johan closed his eyes immediately without even looking around at the view of the sea outside or the well-decorated interior.

Leaning back in his chair, he looked utterly exhausted.

Did he finally relax? Or had his fatigue passed a certain threshold?

“…Aren’t you going to eat? It’s good. Try it.”

“I have no appetite. You eat.”

The sunlight was dazzling, and the weather was warm enough to pass for autumn, yet at our table, it felt like a deep winter night had fallen.

I didn’t want to leave Johan like that, so I just started rambling.

“I cut my bangs. Does it look okay?”

“Yes. It suits you.”

“That’s a relief. After we eat, want to go buy clothes? You don’t have anything to change into.”

“Yes. Do as you like.”

Johan was no different from a corpse with its eyes open. There was no rise or fall in his tone, and his face, stripped of expression, held nothing but gloom.

It looked as if a heavy shadow, pulled down by gravity, was dragging him toward the ground.

“Even if you don’t feel like eating, how about just a little? You didn’t eat breakfast either.”

“I’m fine, so you don’t need to worry.”

Are you really fine?

I swallowed the question that lingered in my mouth, and along with my appetite, even my hunger seemed to disappear.

Thinking I’d stop by the restroom before leaving, I pushed my chair back and stood up. Then—

“Where are you going?”

Johan, who had been listless until now, suddenly shot up in alarm.

The first emotion I felt from him today was fear.

“T-the restroom.”

“I’ll come with you. I’ll wait in front.”

Johan really did follow me all the way to the restroom entrance and warned me before I went inside.

“Only an idiot who believes any price is worth paying would repeat the same mistake.”

“Hold my bag.”

My wallet and fake ID were all in it. It meant I wasn’t going to run away.

Until the restroom door closed, his sharp gaze followed me.

Click.

The moment I shut the door, my legs gave out.

“Ugh.”

I wiped my eyes and nose with a tissue. It would’ve been better if Johan had pressured and pushed me like yesterday.

After washing my face with cold water, I came to my senses.

Johan was leaning weakly against the restroom door. With his head and back resting on the wall, he looked like he could collapse at any moment, which made my heart drop.

So I quickly grabbed his arm. His heavy eyelids slowly lifted.

“Are you okay?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“What?”

“If I collapse, you’ll be free. Wouldn’t that be better for you?”

“….”

He sounded like he truly didn’t understand. Just because his attitude had softened compared to yesterday didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

My eyelids trembled. I snatched my bag from Johan and rushed out of the café.

Crossing the front yard, I walked straight ahead until I reached a place where there were barely any people.

All I had to do was stay ahead of Johan. With that in mind, I walked until I was out of breath, and then I caught sight of him reflected in the café window.

After saying something like that, he was still following me, watching only me.

Seeing how his gaze was completely fixed on me, irritation surged up, and I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

I turned around, grabbed the strap of my bag, and swung it with all my strength.

Thud!

The bag hit Johan, and I swung it again.

Thud! Thud!

“What are you doing?”

Johan grabbed the bag. So I shoved him lightly with both hands.

“You look like a corpse, and you’re asking why I’m concerned? Does that even make sense….”

At the very least, you should mock me with a healthy face.

You should look fine even without me, to the point where I’d ask why you’re making such a fuss just to torment me.

My voice was completely soaked as tears welled up.

“Stop it.”

“If you think it’s unfair, then hit me too!”

Regardless of Johan’s warning, I kept pushing him.

I didn’t care even when his face hardened and a crease formed between his brows.

Then Johan grabbed not just the bag, but both my wrists.

“Enough.”

His overwhelming strength pinned me in place, and I couldn’t move at all.

“Let go.”

“What’s the problem?”

“You’re asking because you don’t know?”

“Yes. I don’t know, so say it. It’s not like I deceived or coaxed you like you did. What’s the problem?”

“With that face….”

I’m angry because Johan doesn’t look as miserable as I do.

The fact that he isn’t suffering more, that he’s already been hurt deeply, twists my insides.

My nose stung, and the corners of my eyes burned.

“Giselle?”

The name Andrew gave me shouldn’t feel so dear, but the moment he said it out loud, the sorrow burst out of me.

“You’re the villain, so why am I the one who has to feel sorry! You’re not supposed to treat me like this! I didn’t want to do that either… hic….”

I crouched down, burying my face in my knees as I sobbed loudly.

I’m going through the hardest time of my life. Can’t you understand that a little?

You said you liked me, didn’t you? Love is about enduring and sacrificing, so why are you only pushing your own feelings like a child?

“G-Giselle.”

Johan, flustered, tried to pull me up as I cried, but I pushed him away with all my strength.

“You said you like me! You said you love me! If you love me, then why do you keep treating me so cruelly!”

My vision was blurred, and I couldn’t see Johan. As soon as I wiped my eyes, more tears filled them.

What’s the point of trying to stay strong when you keep stabbing at me like this from the side?

I was too busy spilling out my pain to properly see how devastated Johan’s face was.

“I don’t want to feel guilty! I don’t want to hurt anymore, I just want to be happy now! Waaah… All I wanted was to live a normal life, so why is that so hard? I want to work, date, and dream too! Why! Why can’t I have that!”

“Giselle… I—”

“Ugh… sob… I’m having such a hard time. It’s really too hard… Don’t do this to me too. Please, I’m begging you.”

The dry winter air brushed against my cheeks.

I still can’t understand how I ended up loving Red Shadow, the one who stabbed Raphael in my previous life, and I still can’t believe that he likes me.

Is something like this even possible? If I had remembered everything from the beginning, things wouldn’t have turned out like this.

Feeling unjust and wronged, I cried openly without caring whether people were watching or not.

***

As soon as I got back to the hotel room, I threw my bag onto the floor. I slowly crawled onto the bed and pulled the blanket over my head. Every time I breathed, I could smell tears from my nose and the nape of my neck.

‘Come to think of it, he didn’t even apologize.’

Even though I was trembling in fear yesterday, I never heard him say he was sorry.

Swish!

I threw off the blanket and asked him. Johan had once again pulled a chair over and was sitting beside the bed.

“Why aren’t you apologizing?”

“What?”

“I apologized to you and even explained myself. Saying you can’t control my magic when my emotions run high is just an excuse. Hurry up and apologize.”

“….”

He shut his mouth again. How pathetic.

When I glared at him like I was going to kill him, he carefully spoke, “If I apologize… will you promise you won’t use that as a weakness to push me away?”

The unexpected words made my breath catch.

He thought that the moment he admitted his mistake, I would definitely push him away.

I bit down on my lower lip. I was just upset, but somehow Johan interpreted it differently and gave a self-deprecating smile.

“Then when was the last time you slept?”

As if he didn’t understand my question, Johan slowly blinked. I asked him again.

“When was the last time you slept?”

“…The day before yesterday.”

“How many hours did you sleep?”

“…Two hours.”

“What about food?”

“I had coffee yesterday.”

“Other than that.”

“….”

I’m the only bad one here.

I’m the only one who ends up as the terrible person for abandoning that idiot of a man.

“Come here.”

“What?”

I could see his body stiffen in surprise. Looking at his wide eyes, I said, “Let’s sleep together. Lie down next to me.”