A Butterfly Through the Mist - Special Side Story 7

What she was seeing felt so unreal that for a moment she tried to deny the sight before her, but she wasn’t dreaming.

It was reality. Ilex Davenport was truly crying.

As if he were someone who had just been told the other person didn’t want the baby. As if he, not she, had been betrayed by the lover he trusted and had been left alone with the child in his belly.

Why, why are you the one crying?

She pretended otherwise, but in truth, Tilia had always been weak to Ilex’s face. Even back in their academy days, when her heart was covered in thorns, a large part of why she let him in was his appearance.

And it was no wonder. Ilex Davenport’s looks went beyond mere preference. From those dreamy blue-gray eyes, like a mist-covered sea that ensnared people even when he stayed still, tears the size of glass beads were falling one after another.

The stream running down his beautiful cheek fell straight to the ground. As he lowered his wet eyelashes and silently cried, Tilia forgot her sense of injustice and felt the urge to comfort him.

The tears of a beautiful person always stirred the heart. All the more so when the one watching was someone who loved him.

“Why are you like this…”

And so Tilia forgot the declaration she had planned to make and spoke those words first.

“Tell me. Why are you crying like that?”

“…I’ll do it.”

His voice was so soaked, as if pulled straight out of a river, that at first Tilia couldn’t understand him well.

“What?”

She stepped forward in frustration and asked again, but perhaps thinking she was scolding him, Ilex stepped back half a pace.

She didn’t like the space created between them, so Tilia furrowed her brow and stepped closer. This time, he didn’t avoid her. He only looked down at the ground, biting his beautifully shaped lower lip.

What on earth? Feeling even more suffocated, Tilia looked at him, frozen about three steps away and spoke again.

“Say it again. I can’t hear you.”

“I said I’ll… try to raise the child well.”

Even when she pressed him to speak louder, the words of the crying man still made no sense.

What is that supposed to mean? When Tilia only stared at him with furrowed brows, Ilex, unable to meet her eyes, mumbled like a frightened child.

“I won’t make you suffer. Of course childbirth itself will be painful for you, but I’ll try, somehow, to compensate for that.”

But after only the first part, where he had been intimidated, Ilex saw that Tilia was quietly listening, and after swallowing once, he tried hard to articulate his words properly as he continued.

“I organized the entire list of assets for transfer. The attorneys are on their way. Even a contract between husband and wife is recognized legally if approved by the Supreme Court. I’ll make sure everything is checked properly, so you don’t need to worry about that part.”

The only thing that improved was his diction for clarity, but he still couldn’t meet Tilia’s eyes.

Staring at him, who kept his gaze fixed on the ground and tried anxiously to persuade her, looking more unsure of himself than ever since the day they met, Tilia wore an expression she couldn’t quite describe.

“If there are conditions you want, tell me anything.”

He was so tense that even his sturdy build looked diminished. And yet, Ilex desperately continued trying to persuade her.

“If you want the portion I set aside for childcare, I’ll give you that too. I have other investments, so if you inherit the trust early…”

“Ilex.”

Listening to his frantic, breathless explanations, Tilia suddenly felt a sharp headache and cut him off. Only then did he, as if sensing something, quietly sneak a glance at her.

Even though she felt that sideways glance, Tilia said nothing and kept her gaze fixed on the garden before her.

Her heart fluttered even more than before. But unlike the dizziness from earlier that had made her want to give up everything, this time the tremor felt like something she would remember for a long time.

That he would raise the child well. That he wouldn’t let her suffer.

Beyond his shoulder, roses blooming as brightly as newly admitted freshmen swayed in the spring breeze, releasing their fragrance.

Even as she sensed him fidgeting nervously in front of her, Tilia kept her eyes on that vivid red and let out a small, breathy laugh.

So that’s why he tried so hard to hide it…

Only now did she understand his tears. She finally grasped the reason behind his incomprehensible behavior, why he had tried so desperately to hide the pregnancy from her.

“You really…”

Realizing at last that he had been agonizing over the same fear she had, Tilia let out a hollow laugh and asked, “Just what do you think of me?”

Unlike Tilia, whose stiff expression loosened at last with relief, Ilex still looked tense.

“I’ll say what I meant to say from the start.”

Watching that tension, so helplessly endearing, Tilia finally said the words she had been unable to speak earlier because her husband had burst into tears.

“Ilex, I’m pregnant.”

Hearing the news he already knew, Ilex only stared at her in silence, as if trying to measure something. The blue-gray eyes she loved so much searched her face desperately, as if trying to confirm something.

Feeling a laugh slip out at that desperate searching, Tilia asked, “Don’t you have anything to say?”

“Congratulations.”

The searching didn’t last long. The answer she wanted came immediately from his lips.

“Congratulations, Tilia.”

It wasn’t only words that jumped out. The correct action leapt across the distance between them and wrapped around her.

“I’m so happy. I’m so happy, Tilia.”

At first, his embrace was too tight, but then, as if he suddenly realized something, his arms softened noticeably as he held her.

His arms were warm to the point of burning.

“I’ll do well. I mean it. I’ll do my absolute best.”

The words he repeated, as if offering a prayer of thanks to God, were all soaked with tears. Feeling one side of her shoulder quickly dampen, Tilia wrapped her arms around him too.

It was good that she’d confirmed it. Feeling a quiet sense of satisfaction, Tilia also felt, for some reason, like she was giving him a true gift for the first time.

And in truth, she was. Having been poor both materially and emotionally, she’d always felt she had nothing of worth to give. But now, for the first time, she was giving him something he could never have created alone.

Only then did the shock she had felt earlier at the physician’s words burst into joy. Feeling as if she had truly accomplished something worth celebrating, she couldn’t help but smile.

It felt truly wonderful. That she was the one who made Ilex Davenport cry from happiness. That she was the one who had placed into his arms someone he would come to love as fiercely as life itself.

“I love you, Tilia. Thank you, thank you…”

The repeated confessions and the cascade of kisses that followed wrapped Tilia in a sensation that made both her body and heart feel as if they were melting.

The child conceived in the spring, when all things bloomed, would come into the world in early winter, when the leaves began to fall. The first season that child would know would be winter, but the cradle awaiting them would be warmer than anywhere else.

She looked forward to discovering with him what kind of love this different kind would be.

***

Ilex Davenport’s Prenatal Diary

Royal Calendar XXX, Month X, Day X

Tasks to complete by the end of this week

1. Narrow down the list of midwives and physicians.
2. Contact the temple to arrange for healing clerics.
3. Schedule interviews for a nanny – Ask Judy Bartlett for recommendations.
4. Propose a maternity protection system to Arkansis Academy – Secure an appointment with the dean first.

Royal Calendar XXX, Month X, Day X

Childcare books ordered.

The Companion Guide to Childbirth from Light Publishing and The Great Encyclopedia of Pregnancy, Birth, and Childcare from Ford Publishing are out of print, so I must purchase them separately.

Tasks to complete by the end of this week: Clear space in the study for a childcare bookshelf and a bookshelf for picture books.

Royal Calendar XXX, Month X, Day X

I’ve been so busy lately that there’s barely been time to write.

Received a referral from Judy Bartlett for a designer-contractor who can help decorate the nursery.

Tasks to complete this week: Secure an architect who can redesign the mansion to be child-friendly. Choose furniture in advance. Prepare the mansion where Tilia will stay during the remodeling.

Royal Calendar XXX, Month X, Day X

For the first time in a while, Tilia had time, so we went to choose baby clothes together.

I had already made mittens and bibs, but since Tilia seemed to find them cute, we bought a few more.

On the way back, we discussed the baby’s gender while stopping at the sherbet shop she likes.

Tilia seemed to be quietly hoping for a daughter, but I said a son would be fine too.

Whether a son or daughter, it doesn’t matter, as long as they resemble their mother.

Tasks for tomorrow: Ask the physician how many cups of sherbet a pregnant woman can safely eat in one sitting. Even if the glass bowls are small, surely six cups is too much…?

Royal Calendar XXX, Month X, Day X

Tasks for today: Finalize the summary of the childcare books and give it to Tilia. Narrow down the list of potential names.

Royal Calendar XXX, Month X, Day X

Stopped by the Bartlett residence to discuss the second round of nanny interviews and to share new medicinal herbs for the mother.

In the past, I only thought babies were cute, but now the thought that I must take responsibility for such a small child left me feeling uneasy.

As I wondered whether I could do well, Tilia told me she would help too.

Honestly, I doubt she’ll be much help, but it was so cute and touching that I said all right.

Before I knew it, the fear had faded.

It’s fine. I can do this.

Tasks for tomorrow: Prepare the questions for the second round of nanny interviews. Narrow down name candidates (please let me finally decide).

Royal Calendar XXX, Month X, Day X

Routine checkup. Thankfully, both Tilia and the baby are healthy. Development is proceeding well for the gestational age.

Please, let things continue this way…

Tasks to complete by the end of this week: Offer a prayer at the temple for the health of the mother and baby. Make a donation under the baby’s name.

Royal Calendar XXX, Month X, Day X

After half a year of deliberation, I’ve finally decided on the baby’s name.

If it’s a boy, Edward.

If it’s a girl, Cordeline.

We’ll meet soon. Cordeline, or Edward.

⋮

Royal Calendar XXX, Month X, Day X

I’m glad to see you in good health, Cordeline.

No matter what storm comes, your father will protect you.

<End of Special Side Story>