A Butterfly Through the Mist - Special Side Story 2

Tilia’s intellect was only beginning to bloom. There was no way she would welcome the sudden appearance of a child she hadn’t planned for.

That was obvious. Someone who wanted nothing more than to study without sleeping wouldn’t be glad about something that could only cause her physical and mental strain.

Even knowing that, I still hid it.

Cowardly, weak, selfish, and without even a shred of conscience.

Realizing once again that he had grown into the exact opposite of what his grandfather’s expectations had been, Ilex let out a suffocating sigh.

As always, the choice belonged to Tilia.

If she said she didn’t want it, then he would have to follow her wishes. And if she seemed to agonize over it too much, he would have to suggest getting rid of it first, if only to ease her from guilt.

That was his duty as a husband. He had married Tilia Ambrose, not her child.

He knew this. He understood it perfectly. And yet…

His body simply wouldn’t move.

Feeling as though a ship carrying hundreds of people had been placed on top of him, Ilex slowly blinked.

Why now, of all times?

Chewing once more on the regret that had deepened even further, Ilex barely managed to lift his hand and pull the bell cord.

If only it were after she finished graduate school. No, even if it weren’t right after her admission, if it had been any time but now, he might’ve been able to bring it up.

Muttering helplessly to himself as he tried to determine when the ideal time would have been, Ilex soon let out a bitter laugh.

All of it was meaningless speculation. As he’d just organized in his mind, the choice was hers. The womb didn’t belong to him. It belonged to her alone.

If I were the one giving birth, I wouldn’t even hesitate.

Letting out another sigh—he no longer knew how many times it had been—he heard a knock.

“You called for me, sir.”

He stared for a moment at the politely waiting attendant before opening his mouth.

“Send a servant to the Bartlett residence.”

But the words that came out weren’t what he meant to say.

“Ask if it’s all right for me to visit this afternoon.”

Yet instead of correcting himself, he uttered that pointless order.

***

In the end, he came.

With a face full of bewilderment, Ilex glanced at Lady Bartlett, who kept peeking behind him for someone else, and cursed himself inwardly.

Right after giving an order that even his attendant had found strange, he had meant to retract it. Instead of going to such a worthless place, he’d meant to say they should go to the villa where Tilia had secretly summoned the physician.

But his foolish body simply waited for the attendant he’d sent to return. Ignoring the countless chances to reverse course, he ended up accepting the permission of a woman who had only recently given birth, and climbed into the carriage bound for the Bartlett residence.

Even after boarding, he kept thinking.

I should get off midway. I should tell them something urgent came up and we had to return. Once we pass this intersection, no, once we pass that department store, no, once we enter the residential district, I need to knock on the wall connected to the coachman’s seat…

But he let every possible moment to correct his mistake slip by as if by accident, and eventually crossed the Bartlett threshold.

“Where’s Tilia?”

Lady Bartlett, who had surely agreed under the assumption he’d be coming with a friend, couldn’t hide her confusion upon seeing him standing alone in the parlor.

“Is she… coming later?”

Judy Bartlett, unable to give up hope, kept checking behind him as she asked.

“I came alone.”

At that quiet confirmation, Lady Bartlett’s mouth fell open in disbelief.

“Ahem!”

Only then, as if realizing her reaction was rude, she quickly closed her mouth and offered him a seat.

“Have a seat first. Marie, bring some tea.”

Seeing her fluster so transparently, Ilex felt a strange sense of shame.

He remembered far too late what basic etiquette was. Even if she was his wife’s friend, for a man to visit the home of a woman who had just given birth, and alone at that, was undeniably improper.

I should’ve jumped off the carriage. Blaming himself for lacking even the courage to roll onto the street, Ilex hurried to speak.

“It’s fine. I’ll leave soon.”

“You didn’t come to see the baby? The nanny is feeding her right now, so it’ll take a little while.”

But just when he intended to apologize for the discourtesy and leave immediately, he once again failed to carry out his plan.

It wasn’t because Lady Bartlett unexpectedly treated him kindly, nor because the quick-handed maid placed a teacup before him.

“I’m not sure if the tea will suit your taste…”

It was because of the absolutely casual remark Judy Bartlett made next, which pierced straight through a truth he himself wasn’t aware of.

“Is a blended tea all right? We do have Darjeeling too.”

Oblivious to the fact she’d struck a nerve he didn’t even know he had, Judy spoke lightly as she fussed over the tea. But when she noticed Ilex wasn’t sitting and was instead staring fixedly at her, she asked with concern:

“Why? Do you not like the smell?”

“…How did you know?”

Her bewilderment deepened at his response. A beat too late, Ilex supplied the missing object.

“That I came to see the baby.”

“How could I not know?”

Finally understanding what he’d meant, Lady Bartlett laughed with relief.

“Every time you visit, you can’t take your eyes off our Charlotte.”

“……”

“At first, I honestly thought you were planning to steal her.”

As if the past few months had melted away her old timid nature, Judy Bartlett joked lightheartedly with her friend’s husband.

Knock, knock. A sound came from the parlor door.

“She must be here.”

Recognizing instantly who stood outside, Judy turned toward the door. Still lost in thought, Ilex also looked in that direction without realizing it.

The door opened softly, and the warm scent of milk drifted in.

Ilex stared blankly at the tiny baby resting in the nanny’s arms.

“She finished quickly?”

“She fell asleep again after drinking just a little. I think she’ll wake up soon.”

Carrying the scent of the baby, the nanny spoke gently as she transferred the little girl into her mother’s arms.

“My daughter, why do you make Nanny worry so much, hm?”

Despite the light scolding, Lady Bartlett’s face overflowed with nothing but adoration. Even though the child had stolen some of her youth, her expression held only love.

That peaceful, heartwarming scene snapped Ilex’s reason back into place.

He couldn’t picture Tilia in that seat. He couldn’t picture her holding a baby instead of a book.

At last, the resolve he had lost returned to him.

He had married Tilia to build her future alongside her. He couldn’t let his own selfishness ruin it.

It was good that he’d come. Feeling the sentimental thoughts that had pushed up to his chin recede once more, Ilex was just about to tell her he would head back.

“Do you want to come hold her?”

Lady Bartlett, gently patting the baby, offered without hesitation.

At that reckless suggestion, Ilex immediately shook his head.

The baby was so small that even Judy Bartlett could hold her with one arm. Even a chick newly hatched from an egg wouldn’t be as fragile as this.

“It’s fine. The nanny will help you hold her, so it’ll be safe.”

As if she truly wanted to entrust her delicate child to a questionable candidate, Lady Bartlett persisted.

“You’ve always wanted to hold her, haven’t you?”

With that, she once again exposed a truth he himself hadn’t realized. And before Ilex could deny it, the nanny took the baby from Judy’s arms and stood before him.

“Please extend your arms a little. Yes, just like I’m doing.”

The Bartlett family’s nanny, with her warm and gentle appearance, carried a faint sweet scent. Somehow unable to refuse, Ilex awkwardly mimicked her posture, and Judy Bartlett and the nanny burst into laughter at the same time.

“You’re doing well. Now, support the baby’s bottom like this with one hand…”

He didn’t even realize he was being teased. All of his attention was consumed by the fear that the baby the nanny was placing into his arms might slip.

The first baby he ever held had almost no weight. It felt like a tiny bird had perched there. It wasn’t like holding something; it was as if a small, weightless creature simply rested on top of his arms.

“This must be your first time, but you’re holding her steadily. If you gently rock her up and down, she’ll like it even more.”

Supporting the featherlight baby in his trembling hands, he rocked her slowly as instructed. More laughter followed, though Ilex didn’t register it.

The baby, whose cheeks were red like apples, kept moving her lips as if dreaming about the milk she hadn’t finished while asleep. Watching those plump, glossy lips glisten with saliva, Ilex suddenly realized and murmured:

“…She looks like you.”

“Really? I don’t see it, but everyone keeps saying that.”

Judy Bartlett responded brightly, delighted that her first child resembled her.

“My mom also said she looks exactly like I did as a baby. Do you think so too?”

“…She’s your daughter. A child should look like their mother.”

He said it casually, but a strange shiver ran through him the moment he heard his own words.

Why hadn’t he thought of it before? That a baby might resemble Tilia.

“But she resembles Victor too. Doesn’t her mouth look similar?”

Lost in the image of a baby who might resemble Tilia, Ilex didn’t even catch Judy Bartlett’s question until several beats later.

“Well.”

A baby who looked like Tilia. A child of Tilia and him. A child who might resemble the young Tilia he had never seen…

Turning the thought over repeatedly, he slowly spoke as he imagined himself standing beside his wife holding a sleeping baby.

“All I see… is that she looks like you.”