Winter Bud - Chapter 73

The maid said Nanna had been hemorrhaging. Because the bleeding wouldn’t stop easily, the emperor even summoned an alchemist…. She said that only after the hemorrhaging finally stopped did they cast a simple medical spell and withdraw. How often the court physician went in and out of the quarters to bring Nanna back to consciousness, how anxiously the emperor paced by the bedside….

As she spoke, she said Her Majesty the Empress had sent a small gift and showed it to her. What the maid held out was cloth to wrap a newborn baby’s hands and feet. Nanna wondered who had embroidered lavender flowers onto the soft cotton.

Thea had no talent for embroidery. So even the embroidered gifts she would give the emperor, back when he was her fiancé, she asked Nanna to do for her. It was because she was so clumsy with her hands, and even so her aesthetic sense was sharper than others, so she didn’t want to give someone crooked, ugly embroidery.

Nanna also sat Thea down and taught her several times, but Thea was bad at anything done with her hands. Weaving cloth, cooking, all of that. Luckily, cooking wasn’t a noble lady’s virtue, so there was no need to make an effort, but the others weren’t.

When a fiancé or a knight who adored you entered a jousting tournament, there was a ceremony where a noble lady gave him a handkerchief, but even when Orestes entered a jousting tournament, Thea didn’t want to give him a handkerchief she’d embroidered herself.

“I hate things that look shabby.”

“Even so, if it’s embroidery you did, miss, he’ll find it lovely.”

“Orestes would be fine. But I’d still hate it.”

So you sew it for me instead. Thea always said that to Nanna when Nanna tried to persuade her. Her attitude was so stubborn that she couldn’t persuade her anymore. In the end, Nanna always sewed in Thea’s place. When Orestes went to a jousting tournament, when she ironed his shirts…. Replacing her in those small chores wasn’t difficult, but she thought that if she were Orestes, wouldn’t she like something touched by Thea’s hands more?

Suddenly, the clear voice of an attendant announcing the emperor’s arrival rang out. Nanna slowly turned her head. The maid who was tidying the bedchamber hurried over and supported Nanna, helping her up.

“You’re not lying down.”

Orestes, who had arrived a moment later, parted his lips as he looked at Nanna, who bent her knees in greeting toward him. A large hand gently held up the staggering Nanna.

“From now on, you don’t need to observe formalities.”

“….”

“They say frail women like you have to lie in bed all day until you give birth.”

A dry gaze swept over Nanna. Nanna turned her eyes away, avoiding it. Suddenly, two strong arms lifted her up. When the startled Nanna looked at him, Orestes let out a crooked smile. Then a sharp afterimage overlapped that face.

“Do you have something you want to say?”

The man asked as he sat her down at the edge of the bed. Nanna slowly shook her head. There was nothing she was curious about. Any conversation to share with him….

“No.”

“You do.”

She lifted her eyes. His calm face looked like an angry rock thrusting up. It was enough to make her dizzy. She felt like she was sweating cold for no reason, so she pressed her lips together. But she didn’t want to be the first to open her mouth. As for that matter, Nanna also had nothing to say. So even if he pressed her, what could she say?

“Nanna.”

“Louisa said that Your Majesty and Her Majesty the Empress were very worried about my health.”

“….”

“I’m sorry to have caused you worry. I’m always grateful, and I’m always sorry.”

“Isn’t there something you want to say besides that?” the emperor asked.

Unlike a moment ago, it was like he was restraining his emotions, like he was making an effort so Nanna wouldn’t be afraid. Even so, she couldn’t help her body stiffening reflexively….

She carefully lowered her gaze to the floor. Nanna truly didn’t know what she was supposed to say. Was he simply trying to question her about meeting the duke, or did he want to know what they talked about…. Did it matter now?

“Look at me.”

The low command dropped in a straight line. Nanna’s gaze stumbled up, unable to disobey. Her heavily sunken heart seemed to flutter weakly. Nanna pressed her lips together, then released them, trying not to twist her face. Because once it twisted, it felt like tears would spill out immediately.

“Tell me what the duke was talking about. What he dared to spout with you right there in front of me?”

“Ah, nothing….”

She swallowed her dry saliva and parted the lips she’d locked shut. Only then did the emperor’s eyes crumple. The backs of her knees started to ache again. Nanna panted shallowly and trembled in small shakes.

“I hate your lies. You’ve always lied to me as easily as eating, but….”

“That’s not true.”

“That’s not true?”

“…Yes.”

Nanna swallowed her dry saliva. Suddenly, her throat prickled, as if her tonsils were swollen. The meeting gaze was icy, but she didn’t feel like bending. Because it was the truth. Because her sincerity was always there.

Orestes said Nanna always lied, but she never once put a lie in her mouth. It was true that she liked him, but that didn’t mean she ever wanted to receive his love. Maybe Nanna was simply jealous of Thea. Maybe Nanna’s unrequited love was an extension of that jealousy….

How could she ever have thought she wanted to have him? And now, to Nanna, that time felt like a past life that was long gone. It was so distant and vague she wondered how she could’ve liked Orestes at all. Maybe it was because she reflected for so long.

Since Thea’s accident, Nanna was always tormented by guilt. She thought she shouldn’t have complied when Thea said they should go to the “Alchemist’s Grave.” If she couldn’t stop her alone, she should’ve told either her husband or her father that Thea was about to do something so reckless.

But she couldn’t. When she saw Thea leave the palace and try to walk that remote path that even high-ranking alchemists hesitated to step on, she only pulled her cloak down deep over herself.

“…It’s too dangerous.”

“You really don’t know what’s dangerous.”

“Your Majesty.”

“What’s truly dangerous is an empress without an heir.”

Thea murmured in a dark voice. Nanna looked at Thea’s pale profile. The gloom pooled like a puddle in her once-shining green eyes was something Nanna couldn’t dare measure. So Nanna followed Thea. Because she couldn’t comfort her. It was hard for Nanna too, to watch Thea’s pain.

‘The Alchemist’s Grave’ was a stele sealed in ancient times. She didn’t know whether the corpse of an alchemist said to have been mighty was truly buried beneath the stele. It was, in truth, nothing more than a legend from long ago. But Thea wasn’t someone who acted rashly.

Even if it looked reckless, she must’ve had a plan for everything. Didn’t they say that an empress of the Old Empire also knelt before the stele and obtained what she wanted?

So they say that if you want to obtain what you want, you have to give up one thing you have…. Anyway, since she obtained what she wanted by doing that, what was there to begrudge? Still, ‘The Alchemist’s Grave’ was a forbidden place at the present time, so it was a place rife with ominous rumors. Maybe it was because the path to the grave was a remote forest path.

Nanna walked that path, pressing down fear that made her feel like she’d faint. If she could, she wanted to run away. Astonishingly, the path, with not even a single faint light floating, was filled only with dreadful darkness, like walking the depths of the sea.

“Y-Your Majesty, Empress. Please….”

Nanna grabbed Thea’s sleeve. She couldn’t tell whether they were walking a path or wandering after losing their direction. Seized by a darkness so dreadful it felt like she’d suffocate, Nanna quietly sniffled. Then she got confused about whether the sleeve she was holding was truly Thea’s.

As that uncontrollable fear swallowed her, Nanna felt the urge to sit down. It even felt like the strength below her knees was giving out. Thea being stabbed…. That someone had approached to drive a knife into Thea’s side was something she realized around that time.

Just as she thought a lumpy mass blocked Thea’s way, Thea screamed. Nanna trembled before the woman who dropped the lantern and collapsed helplessly. In her heart, she wished Thea would turn back before reaching the grave. In truth, she prayed desperately, but she hadn’t wanted it to stop like this.