Winter Bud - Chapter 66

Nanna was neither a descendant of a noble family nor a talent with an extraordinary mind worthy of becoming empress. She was astonishingly beautiful, but that was all.

Even if they were not on Nanna’s level, the palace was in full bloom with lovely, witty young women like flowers. They had more lively personalities than Nanna and better family backgrounds. Having been raised in good households and frequented the palace since girlhood, they knew what virtues a noblewoman should have and what kind of social finesse was required in high society without needing special instruction.

So Nanna should never have become empress. Everything about her was unfit for such a position, attained only because she was Stateira’s maid.

“…With Your Majesty showing such heartfelt concern, I truly don’t know where to put myself.”

Lowering her gaze, Nanna replied mechanically. Suddenly, Thea’s eyes fell on her lower abdomen, where there was still no sign. Nanna flinched, then subtly covered her stomach with her hand. The Empress Dowager glanced at her and said there was no need to worry about the child.

“Whether the child is a daughter or a son, they’ll be raised in the same environment as their older siblings. The imperial family will bestow a suitable title. They’ll never be treated carelessly.”

Her calm voice was upright. It sounded as if she were soothing and comforting Nanna. But Nanna couldn’t relax her shoulders. While expressing her thanks aloud, she carefully mulled over the Empress Dowager’s words. So she meant she would grant a suitable title to the child in her womb….

Slan and Stella were born legitimately while she was Empress Consort. Alexis and the child in her womb stood in a different position. That was because Nanna now stood as a concubine without any title. A concubine who hadn’t received any title from either the Emperor or the Empress….

The Empress Dowager and the imperial couple seemed to have no intention of revising the concubine system for the time being. Since it wasn’t an atmosphere like the Old Empire, where emperors were encouraged to take multiple consorts, perhaps they were leaving it as it was. But the Empress was also unable to perform her basic duties….

It was a situation that was neither this nor that.

In any case, if Nanna’s use was one-time only, this situation itself might not be bad. Slan was now officially the Empress’s legitimate son. The same went for Stella and Alexis. Only the child to be born might be a little different.

Was that why she said she would give the child in her womb a suitable title? With a darkened face, Nanna reached into the air. At this point, wouldn’t it be better to have an abortion? For the first time, such a thought crossed her mind. She hadn’t even thought like this when she was pregnant with Alexis.

How could she remove a child growing inside her….

She hadn’t even dared to think of forcibly tearing it away. Even though it was the child of the man who had ravaged her so recklessly. Perhaps it was partly because she thought the child might be the Emperor’s. Even so….

“So now you need to live your own life.”

“….”

“Don’t you think so?”

The Empress Dowager was gentle. Unable to grasp her intention, Nanna only blinked her large eyes. She couldn’t easily guess what the Empress Dowager meant, no, what she wanted to say. The Empress Dowager always looked kind and benevolent, but she was never an easy person. Swallowing dryly, Nanna slowly raised her gaze.

“I’m talking about you leaving the palace now.”

“….”

“I can’t leave you in the palace like this.”

“….”

“Nanna.”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to stay in the palace?” asked the Empress Dowager.

At the word “leave the palace,” her mind turned white. As she licked her dried lips, the children came to mind. Slan and Stella. And Alexis. Would she never be able to see them for the rest of her life?

When she was at the Western Palace, the Emperor often sent the children to her. She could exchange letters, and there were times they ate together. She wanted a life outside the palace, but that didn’t mean she wanted to live cut off from the children for the rest of her life. Even so, Nanna knew what she had to “give up.”

If she wanted to gain one thing, she had to let go of one of the things she already had. Nanna was not in a position to be greedy. In other words, it meant she knew her place and understood her station. Nanna blinked her dry eyes, then shook her head.

“No.”

“I know more than anyone that you want a life outside the palace. You served the imperial family for a long time, and didn’t you make sacrifices for the imperial couple?”

“….”

“I want you to become happy. I want you to meet a good match and have an ordinary household.”

‘A good match.’ ‘An ordinary household.’ The words the Empress Dowager recited circled in her head. She stared blankly at the tea she hadn’t even taken a sip of, and the Empress Dowager opened her lips again.

“I think you want that, too.”

“…Yes.”

Nanna answered with a nod before she even realized it. The Empress Dowager smiled faintly. It seemed she liked the attitude of complying right away without any special resistance.

Nanna turned her gaze and looked at Thea, sitting like a doll. Since Nanna had entered the audience chamber, she hadn’t taken her eyes off her, but Nanna couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

***

After having an audience with the Empress Dowager, Nanna moved to the quarters she would stay in at the main palace. It was said to be the place she would stay until she gave birth and recovered. The place Nanna would be staying was the detached building. The quarters, so clean there wasn’t a speck of dust, as if it had just been tidied, were beautiful and splendid, as the name “detached building” implied.

More than anything, the backyard spreading out beyond the wide window was beautiful. Unlike the Empress’s quarters, which were gorgeous yet dignified, this place was decorated without restraint with luxury goods, and with abundant adornment, even quite private corners were cutely arranged. It felt like the space where a beloved concubine would stay.

Nanna sat at the edge of the bed and stared blankly at the sunlit backyard for a moment, then turned her gaze away. The conversations she had with the Empress Dowager wouldn’t leave her head. The Empress Dowager, who spoke of Nanna leaving the palace, glanced at Thea and said the Emperor also agreed.

So it meant living outside the palace after giving birth. Seeing how she spoke without hesitation of a good match and a new household, it really seemed Orestes agreed with her.

‘It’s a good thing.’

Nanna soothed herself. Leaving the palace, yes, but if she looked farther ahead, it might be much better for Nanna to disappear from the children’s lives. If she truly loved them. In many ways, Nanna was not suited to live as a woman of the imperial family.

Her birth was like that, and her introverted nature, like that birth, was like that too. For the three siblings who had become the Empress’s legitimate children, they needed to be cut off from Nanna. The children couldn’t remain children forever. Once they came of age, they might truly find Nanna bothersome, or come to feel ashamed of the blood they inherited.

So a parting was necessary. It was a separation that would come someday. Nanna was grateful that the Empress Dowager had chosen the timing appropriately. And hadn’t she also said she would find her a good match and pair her with someone? Suddenly, the face of the man she’d grown close to at the Western Palace came to mind.

That he hadn’t met a good match…. It had nothing to do with Nanna, but for no reason, the word “match” naturally filled her mind with him.

“Madam. His Majesty has arrived.”

From outside the door, a clear attendant’s voice rang out. Nanna hurriedly came to her senses and stood up. Before long, the beautiful door, with the handle carved in relief with flowers, vines, and bees, opened. Nanna greeted the Emperor, just as she had in the audience chamber.

Orestes looked at Nanna, who was welcoming him while wearing a simple linen dress.

“Sit.”

He slowly parted his lips and stared at the woman. Nanna, seated across from him, seemed a little thinner than the last time he’d seen her. He turned his gaze and looked at the detached building beyond the window. It was important to try not to feel any other impressions toward the woman.

Whether lust or anything else, he said it wasn’t right to feel more emotion toward Nanna than necessary. He kept his mouth shut toward his mother, who reproached him for not sparing even a little glance for Thea. Because he couldn’t tell her, as he did to Nanna, to keep her mouth shut about Thea.

He literally had to come to his senses. Toward Nanna, toward the woman, he couldn’t act as if he’d been robbed of his reason. But if he were to make an excuse, it was his first time too. To lose his composure like this and have his mind taken by some object.

Whatever the name of that feeling was, as his mother said, being unable to tell right from wrong like that wasn’t right.