Winter Bud - Chapter 6

“Thea must be tired. I will take my leave.”

“I, I as well….”

“The Empress must serve the Emperor.”

The Empress Dowager turned her head as she walked away. Nanna couldn’t say a word. On the last day of each week, they always came to see Stateira together. Because they had to keep her words that on the last day of the week they must always dine together. And after the meal, they always visited her chambers. After the children were born, they too came along.

For some reason, it was hard for Nanna to let the children see Stateira. To be exact, she was ashamed to be compared with her. She feared even her beloved children might accuse her of being fake. But her children weren’t yet able to tell the difference between real and fake.

How wretched a fake could be. And what they might think of themselves, born from the womb of that fake…. Nanna prayed that time would never come.

“Um… Your Majesty….”

Nanna parted her lips toward the Emperor, who showed no sign of moving. She thought she should take Slan out. He seemed unsettled after what had just happened with Stella. The pale face of the child, tinged with blue, looked alarming.

If he were to make a mistake and vomit what he had eaten here…. This was the chamber of the Emperor’s dearly beloved wife. And if a child born from a woman like Nanna were to cause such a mistake…. She could not even bear to imagine it.

“Lyle.”

“Yes.”

“Take the child out.”

A knight of the imperial guard, waiting at the door to serve the Emperor, bowed. Nanna looked at him in surprise. Soon, the young knight, called Lyle, took Slan from Nanna’s hands. Slan’s face twisted in confusion, but he didn’t make a fuss. Nanna whispered to the child, whose small lips quivered, “Go back. Mom will come soon.”

Only then did Slan’s stiff face relax. At last, the two of them were alone. Nanna felt her breath catch. It was as though her lungs were slowly turning to stone. Though she had never suffered such an illness, it felt as if she was enduring that pain.

Her heart raced abnormally, her pulse sliding too fast. She stiffened in fear and looked at him. The Emperor was a perfectly normal man. Especially in front of his wife, he always kept chivalry. He was polite and gentlemanly.

So, even before the woman who lay unconscious, he surely would not commit such an act. No matter how much he hated Nanna, he would never do “such a thing.”

Nanna pressed her lips tight, steadying her queasy stomach. The Emperor withdrew his hand from Stateira and turned around. His blade-like face was fearfully beautiful. His short black hair, neatly combed back like a knight’s, framed his amber eyes.

Yet those eyes shone not like gemstones, but yellow like a beast lurking in the forest. Looking into them, it felt as though she were facing a predator with sharp fangs.

“…Your Majesty.”

“I told you to stay because I had something to say.”

“Yes?”

“I want you to vacate the palace within this month.”

“What do you mean….”

“I’ve already discussed it to some extent with Duke Everhardt.”

It was a sudden notice. Nanna blinked. Duke Everhardt was her adoptive father. He was also Stateira’s biological father. He was the man who had made Nanna the Emperor’s second empress, and once her master.

No. Even now, it was not much different. Stateira was also like her mistress. And so, at times, Nanna felt as though she had given birth to her mistress’s husband’s children in her place.

“Then, then….”

Nanna’s lips moved silently. Though it was unexpected, it wasn’t an unpleasant story. After all, it meant she would be able to leave the imperial palace.

Nanna hated living as empress. Just as she had hated becoming empress. Separate from her one-sided love for the Emperor, being embraced by him in humiliation always brought her pain. And yet….

“Ah, will the children leave with me? I will be able to leave with them, won’t I?”

“They are imperial heirs, so they must stay here.”

“But….”

Nanna’s face froze in shock. She had thought, of course, that she would leave the palace with her children. The Emperor. Because Orestes was indifferent to his children, to the point of dislike, she thought that would be the case even more.

But in the end, they weren’t her children alone. Just as they weren’t only Orestes’s children. No one would remain silent about the heirs’ residence. Then… should she meet with Duke Everhardt?

‘But I don’t want to….’

Nanna made a gloomy face. She glanced sideways at him, biting down tightly on her lips. She had to say something. If this moment passed, even if she requested an audience later, she would be refused.

“Ah, I am not sure the children will do well without me. As you know, they are lacking because they resemble me. Especially Alexis, who is not yet even a year old….”

“Viscountess Schvalen says the Second Prince is not particularly sensitive.”

At his words, referring to Alexis as “the Second Prince,” Nanna’s face stiffened. Not because he was showing indifference. He had never once called his children by name. That child. Or that one. At best, Crown Prince, or Prince. Given that, Nanna never expected him to show special interest.

When Slan was born, he had been away on a summer hunt. He returned ten days later at the Empress Dowager’s summons and held the swaddled infant, but that was all. After that….

“…Viscountess Schvalen knows nothing.”

Nanna turned her gaze obliquely and muttered weakly. She had never wanted to say such things. She hadn’t wanted to complain about Orestes’s chosen nanny. Paying attention to the nanny’s way of raising the children was a natural duty and right of the birth mother, but for Orestes, her motherhood never mattered.

Viscountess Schvalen was Stateira’s aunt. From what she heard, she was the youngest daughter of Marquess Georg, Duke Everhardt’s father-in-law and Stateira’s maternal grandfather. So it was only natural that the opinion of a mere nanny should matter more than Nanna.

If Orestes heard that even a vagrant pissing on the palace wall was related to Stateira, he would treat him as an honored guest of the court. With a gloomy face, Nanna gripped the hem of her dress tightly in her hands.

Leaving the children behind was painful. Especially Stella. That is, Lily. When Viscountess Schvalen learned the baby was a princess, she suggested naming her after her niece, Stateira. But the sharp and temperamental nature of her daughter didn’t match well with her. Compared to gentle and easygoing Slan, it seemed she struggled to adapt. That was why she wanted to take at least that child with her….

“Your Majesty. Please, I will accept leaving the palace as a matter of course. But at least let me take the children with me.”

Nanna, who had turned her gaze obliquely, now straightened and clasped her hands. Because it was too difficult to meet his eyes, she fixed her gaze on his prominent Adam’s apple instead. The strong, sturdy neck blurred and sharpened again.

“If not, then at least change the nanny….”

“Why should I grant the request of someone like you?”

“…Your Majesty.”

“You are nothing more than a womb.”

The short voice was not even sharp. It was indifferent and flat, as if he were merely stating the obvious. She felt the trembling under her eyes. Married life with the Emperor. No, if this could even be called married life. As he said, living as his womb, she had learned nothing but the many ways a person could be humiliated.

“You must do as I say.”

The moisture clouding her eyes dripped down. The lukewarm drops slid down her cheeks and pooled between her lips. In the end, she couldn’t reply.