Winter Bud - Chapter 57

He knew just how badly Nanna had trembled right after that incident. She was afraid she’d be caught, and so, scared that she’d lose her life. Then for a while after that, it seemed she was frightened of men themselves, because when she saw his naked body, she would startle and burst into tears like a child more than once.

He laughed at that pathetic sight, both amused and angry. The Duke, who couldn’t handle this woman and ended up forcing her down in the end, seemed like a fool too. And now….

“Don’t torment Slan.”

“You’re saying I tormented my own son?”

“That’s not it….”

Nanna shook her head. Orestes looked at her, a wrinkle forming at the corner of his eye. When he reached out, Nanna flustered, but then leaned into his arms with a hardened expression. He embraced her slender waist and looked down at her. Nanna wouldn’t meet his gaze. She looked like a soft peach, but her actions were no different from a log.

He pulled her closer and lifted her chin. Reluctantly, Nanna raised her eyes to meet his.

“Didn’t Slan tell you? I personally taught him how to hunt foxes just recently.”

“….”

“And two days ago, I taught him how to float in water.”

“…I heard.”

“Then?”

Orestes cupped his concubine’s cheeks and leaned a little closer.  Suddenly, Nanna’s face, which turned red as if suffering a great insult at the word ‘concubine’, came to mind. Since she was demoted from Empress Consort to concubine, it must be a considerable insult.

He looked down at the woman, her face pale and stiff. Her tense face was trembling slightly. The trembling was even more noticeable because of her thick, long eyelashes. Feeling a sudden urge to kiss her, he gently rubbed her thin back.

Embracing Nanna wasn’t a sin. In fact, it was encouraged. That was probably why the Empress was turning a blind eye to it. It was, after all, for Thea’s sake. It helped solidify the Empress’s position. Any child born to Nanna would be considered his and Thea’s.

He didn’t know if these feelings were right, but strangely, now that Thea was awake, he felt free from guilt. While she was unconscious, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was deceiving her. Even if it was all duty, it still felt like betrayal.

But now that Thea was awake, having a child with Nanna was for her sake. He’d even gotten her consent. The Empress herself had agreed, more heirs would only strengthen her position. So embracing Nanna wasn’t betrayal.

He didn’t need to hate or loathe Nanna, either. He could adore her as much as he wanted. He could stroke her as much as he liked, kiss her whenever he pleased, lie with her naked. He wanted to hold this soft, gentle body and feel its warmth.

Nanna’s breasts were particularly beautiful. The perkily risen breasts were covetable and voluptuous, good for burying his face in. If he held them in his hands and touched those soft and smooth things, he naturally became erect.

It was a feeling a little different from love. His feelings toward Thea were of another kind. The shape of it, the form, was completely different. Orestes slowly caressed her soft body. It felt like heat was pooling between his legs.

What was it like when he held Thea like this? How did he feel when he saw her naked body? What was certain was that it was different from now. He’d sneered at himself as a ‘stud,’ but never once thought of himself as an animal. But when he was tangled with this naked woman, he lost all reason. Driven mad by lust… he felt like he’d go insane if he didn’t thrust his cock in. So this had to be desire.

It was literally a form of madness driven by lust. He wanted to breathe like a beast and tear apart the thin fabric wrapping the woman. Suck and bite her neck and breasts greedily… it was funny how he would somehow shove his cock into her hole and pound mercilessly.

That couldn’t possibly be ‘affection.’ There was no way he loved a woman his wife’s father once used just to vent his lust. That would be too disgraceful, too filthy. If something so messy were called ‘love,’ it shouldn’t be.

Above all, he loved Thea. Didn’t he deeply love his life savior with pure love and wait for a long time? He knew her at twelve, and since his life was saved, he had loved her solely….

“Love and desire seem similar, but in the end, they’re different. If they appear before you, they’ll take completely different forms.”

That’s what the priest who’d strictly taught him in childhood said. And he felt the same. Getting aroused by Nanna was nothing but a physiological response. Just as Thea admitted, Nanna was an alluring woman.

Every part of her body was flawless. There wasn’t a single part that wasn’t desirable. Any man would’ve crumbled like this. Then why should he be the only one to resist Nanna? But this woman kept trying to run away from him….

‘Yeah. She’s trying to run away.’

She wasn’t even thinking of coming back. A woman who didn’t even feel guilty about giving birth to another man’s child. Orestes thought of the Duke. The Duke seemed to want back the woman he’d offered to him. The man who’d shared a bed with her and then made her his adopted daughter, gifting her to his lord, was now….

He looked down at the woman staring at him with a defenseless face. She asked to be sent outside the palace, said she wanted to stay in the Western Palace, claimed she gave birth to another man’s child…. He wanted to stop hearing such nonsense.

Even if the second prince really was Everhardt’s blood, he wanted to bury that truth. It wasn’t that he couldn’t feel any displeasure and anger. If he thought that the child who couldn’t even walk properly was actually his ‘brother-in-law’… he couldn’t help but go mad.

Someday he’d drive out Everhardt, but not now. Still, it wasn’t something he could ignore forever. Someday….

“Let’s go in.”

He embraced the woman’s slender waist. Her pale face was a little drained. He thought it was because she’d been standing outside too long. Pregnant women tended to have swollen legs. Nanna seemed the same. She’d always had a hard time during her pregnancies.

He lifted the woman climbing the stairs with difficulty. Nanna screamed and shouted for him to put her down. Orestes ignored her and headed to her bedroom. The woman, clutching his thick chest, curled up and called him, ‘Your Majesty.’ Orestes gently laid her at the edge of the bed and met her eyes.

“If you have something to say, say it.”

Nanna opened her lips, but no sound came. Orestes saw the murky shadows that had grown behind her clear eyes. He chuckled at the sight of her trembling lips, unable to close them even though she was full of tension. As long as it wasn’t about Duke Everhardt, he figured he could probably bear to listen. So he decided to hear her out before undressing.

“I wish you would leave Slan alone.”

“You wish I would leave him alone?”

The monotonous retort was sharper than thought. Nanna recalled the face of her young son who only looked at his parents’ mood continuously while scared. Orestes wasn’t the type to just leave Slan alone usually either. Because Nanna had watched how he treated the child for a long time, she couldn’t just pass over it.

Even when Orestes was in the imperial palace, he would often send Slan to deliver messages. Sometimes, he even used the child to get a reaction out of her. As if he expected a particular response from her. Back then, Slan couldn’t even walk straight, let alone speak properly.

“Mama.”

The Slan of those days was so tiny. The appearance of walking waddlingly was just like a baby bear. The black hair was fluffy, and the round body was very warm. It felt like hugging a small animal.

As usual, Nanna lay curled up with her eyes shut, trying to forget the severe pain from the night before. Even a slight movement made her groin ache. Her scalp, her chest… nothing was unharmed. Her skin was bruised, her lips a torn mess.

Orestes mocked her, saying she was like a whore trailing after soldiers. He ridiculed her large, cow-like breasts, saying he found them displeasing. And he treated Nanna carelessly. The more she flushed and cried, the more it felt like his guilt faded.