Winter Bud - Chapter 54

She acted like she’d never even brushed fingers with a man, trembling and backing away as if she’d suffocate just by looking at his shadow. No matter what attire he wore, that woman feared him.

At first, he thought it was because he was wearing armor. The black scorch marks from flames, the burned-in traces of splattered flesh and blood might’ve seemed grotesque and horrific to a young maid stuck in the ducal estate pouring tea for her master.

Of all places, the place where he met eyes with Nanna was the barracks. Back then, he had just turned twenty, and Nanna and Thea were still girls.

Since Thea had been impetuous since childhood and not ladylike, she didn’t fear him no matter what appearance he had. Thea was the kind of woman who didn’t even blink at the sight of severed heads piled on carts as substitutes for gunpowder during sieges.

But Nanna was different. Just seeing bloodstained armor made her stomach turn. She couldn’t adapt to the battlefield at all. Of course a giant man in a helmet must’ve scared her. A man who swung his sword around ruthlessly and recklessly… she must’ve been terrified.

“It’s surprising.”

“Why?”

When he, lost in thought, parted his lips briefly to hide his twisted feelings, Thea asked. The gaze staring intently was like a needle. He looked vacantly at his fiancée and recalled the woman who had shrunk away once again.

“I didn’t know she was warming your father’s bed with such a face.”

“What kind of face does she have?”

Thea, who drank one more sip of cold tea elegantly, asked a quite sharp question. He rubbed his rough chin, rough from not shaving for days, and looked at Thea. Her face was still relaxed, but it seemed she could change her expression anytime, depending on his answer.

He slowly opened his mouth.

“A face that’s scared of men. An innocent face that doesn’t know anything.”

“Nanna?”

“….”

He didn’t answer and just looked at the woman across from him. Thea stared back for a moment before bursting into laughter. A cheerful laugh. She tilted her head back and laughed for a while, then wiped the corners of her eyes and parted her lips.

“You’re surprisingly naive.”

The way she let the words slip out casually wasn’t exactly pleasant. Not just because she’d called him naive, but because the woman was completely different from what he’d thought. That timid woman was actually a complete slut… and that fact was unpleasant.

“Nanna’s only afraid of you.”

“….”

“Well, to be exact, she’s afraid of Father too. But she fears you more.”

Thea let out a dry chuckle and popped a honey-coated almond into her mouth, chewing slowly. Orestes looked at his fiancée with a tilted head, his gaze indifferent. He turned his eyes away and tried to calm the nerves that felt lightly scratched. Thea didn’t say anything, as if she could see right through him.

***

The Emperor said Nanna’s delicate nerves had become even more sensitive and sharp because of her pregnancy. That was why she was spouting such pointless delusions. Nanna questioned whether that was really the case.

Was it truly just the pregnancy that made her deny young Alexis as an imperial descendant, insist on stripping him of imperial status, and say things that would be of no help at all to him as his birth mother?

Had she really lost her mind… and let words she never should’ve said slip out? Even if he wasn’t the Emperor’s child, was it right to demand stripping that newborn of imperial status and raising him outside the palace?

If she loved the child, at the very least, if she was his birth mother, she never should’ve brought up such things first. Yeah, she wasn’t in her right mind. Maybe she’d truly gone mad from being pregnant, or maybe the harsh life in the Western Palace had driven her insane. It had to be one or the other.

‘No, I’m not crazy. I’m fine.’

But Nanna had never lost her mind from being pregnant. She’d gone mad for a while after losing her daughter, but never changed drastically just because she was carrying a child. Besides, the Emperor had never shown any special reaction to her pregnancy.

Even though Nanna’s nerves had become sharper, he never treated her more gently or personally came to care for her. No matter how indifferent their relationship was, she was still his only wife. She wasn’t some low-ranking concubine, so the Emperor, being mindful of public opinion, was supposed to personally oversee the Empress Consort’s meals, send her flowers, and give her luxury gifts each month. That was what people said was proper.

But Orestes….

“Mom?”

While drawing, Stella turned to look at Nanna, who had been blankly fumbling through the air. Nanna turned her head and looked at her daughter. Stella, who seemed to have grown about half a hand taller since the last time she saw her, looked at Nanna with worry. Nanna almost frowned out of habit, but adjusted her expression.

Since that day, Orestes had occasionally sent the siblings. Maybe he wanted to hear her say she wanted to return to the palace. He started sending Slan’s letters and drawings by Stella through the attendants. Today, he even sent the children themselves and told her to spend time with them.

Nanna didn’t know how to react to this incomprehensible behavior. She didn’t want to return to the palace. When she said she wanted to leave, she meant it.

“What are you thinking about?” Stella asked with eyes full of concern.

Nanna looked at her young daughter. Despite her worries, Stella looked bright. According to Orestes, she threw tantrums and cried every day because she missed her mother… but that seemed like a lie.

“…I’m thinking about dinner for my babies. What do you want to eat?”

Sometimes, Nanna had personally prepared meals for the siblings. They had a nanny, and it wasn’t something Orestes ordered her to do, but Nanna nursed them herself. Because they were her babies, she thought it was unthinkable not to nurse them. When it came time for baby food, she even made it herself. Because she wanted to be a kind mother.

Suddenly, Slan glanced at her and said, “Uh, I think it’d be good to make Oric-style roasted pig.”

“But you don’t like that, do you?”

“B-because His Majesty likes it.”

Stella shouted at Slan. He quietly lowered his gaze.

Nanna looked at her son for a while and said, “If you want to eat with His Majesty, we can have dinner another time….”

“No. I-I mean, if His Majesty joins us….”

“I don’t want to!”

Stella shouted again at Slan, who stammered. She really seemed to hate the idea, trembling like a young kitten bristling its fur. Nanna saw a shadow of fear on her son’s face.

Slan didn’t like his biological father. Not only Slan, but Stella was the same. The Emperor didn’t show any particular affection for his own children either. Maybe it was because they weren’t Thea’s. He never stayed close to them even out of duty, so of course the siblings were scared and disliked him as their father.

They were being force-fed lessons from teachers and attendants about respecting the Emperor and obeying him unconditionally, like a form of brainwashing, but fiery-tempered Stella only avoided Orestes more. Meanwhile, the more mild-mannered Slan behaved meekly.

But that didn’t mean the boy followed his biological father. Slan didn’t miss his father as a son, but obeyed him only because he was the Emperor. Nanna was worried that her son had heard something from Orestes.

“Slan. Did His Majesty say he wanted to have dinner together tonight?”

“….”

When Nanna asked cautiously, Slan lowered his gentle eyes and gave a small nod. So that was it. The Emperor had told the child to bring it up. Nanna felt a strange sinking in her chest.

If that was the case, she felt like she had no choice but to do what he wanted. Otherwise, he might torment Slan. Nanna lowered her eyes. One might ask what kind of father would torment a small child for such a reason, but Orestes was more than capable of it. He’d already done it before.

Whenever he had something to say, he occasionally used his young son. Stella was his daughter and had a fiery personality, so he probably assumed she wouldn’t do what he told her. But Slan was summoned to him constantly. Thinking about her young son, far away, being tormented by the man who should be his protector made Nanna’s heart feel like it was being torn apart. Rage began to sprout.

Nanna stared fixedly at the attendant waiting in the distance. The attendant, thinking Nanna was finally about to ask for something, lit up and approached. Bitten away little by little by her small fury, Nanna slowly parted her lips.