Winter Bud - Chapter 52

“Paul, Paul….”

“Go back.”

“Sir.”

“Go back and wait.”

“Wait for what….”

Nanna looked at him with a crumbling expression. He sharply furrowed his brow, then hoisted her onto his shoulder and began descending the slope. Nanna screamed, “Ack!” But the man didn’t even pretend to hear. She couldn’t fathom how he descended the path so quickly. Even though a light drizzle was falling….

He descended without slipping even once and set Nanna on the saddle. Then….

“Nanna.”

The familiar voice was terribly calm. Nanna stood before Thea with both hands neatly folded like a child being punished. Thea stared up at her for a while, then turned her gaze slightly away. The clear sunlight touched her beautiful face through the round window. Nanna blinked blankly and bit her lip lightly.

If she asked Thea, would she understand why she had to go through all that last night? Nanna had done nothing wrong. The same went for Paul. And yet Paul had been beaten by the Emperor’s knights, and Nanna had been dragged back like a criminal.

As she came down the slope, she wondered what crime she had committed. What grave offense had she caused? But there had been nothing. At dawn, she thought she might be flogged to death… but in the end, they had just thrown her into her quarters.

“…W-what did I do wrong?”

Tears welled up as she opened her mouth. Nanna couldn’t wipe them and quietly swallowed her sobs. Her hands clenched tightly as she thought of Paul. Then Thea parted her lips.

“Well.”

“…My lady.”

“Everyone was worried. It rained yesterday. Don’t you remember?”

“But when I went out to look at the stars, it wasn’t raining. Paul didn’t take me somewhere dangerous on purpose.”

“But it rained, all the same. That stable hand took you up a mountain slope.”

“That was….”

“You’re my maid, and that stable hand nearly put you in danger.”

Thea’s tone was somewhat indifferent. It was so dry, it felt like she was just reciting something. Nanna lifted her head and stared at the woman slowly sipping honeyed herbal tea. She felt deflated. Not knowing what to say, she turned her head blankly.

***

“Are you awake, Madam?”

The voice was gentle. Nanna blinked her dry eyes as the world swam in a haze. The sun was setting, and the red twilight filtered in through the open window. Nanna looked at the white curtain swaying in the breeze, then parted her lips.

“Would you like some water?” the nun asked.

She tried to take the water offered to her, but the nun brought it to her lips herself. It was unwanted kindness, but Nanna had no strength to refuse. She drank the water, but after just a few sips, she choked.

“Oh my, are you okay?”

The nun patted Nanna’s back. Suddenly, the door opened, and a familiar face entered the bedroom. Nanna froze rigid, staring at the man, then tried to rise from her spot. But the Emperor was quicker. He grabbed Nanna’s shoulder as she attempted to rise from the bed, sat her back down, and ordered the nun to stop and leave.

Out of fear, Nanna lowered her gaze. The Duke came to mind. The things he’d said… the way he looked down at her, gripping her.

“…Are you still meeting with the Duke?”

“Pardon?”

Nanna raised her head. Orestes didn’t seem angry. His face wasn’t distorted in wrath, nor did he speak as if interrogating her. But Nanna didn’t know what to say.

She shook her head firmly with her gaze lowered. A faint dizziness passed, but she didn’t show it. Suddenly, a large hand grabbed her chin. It felt like her throat was being seized, and she couldn’t breathe. Terrified, Nanna looked at him and pressed her lips tightly together.

“Say something.”

“What, what…. It’s not like that.”

Nanna answered quietly, as if crawling away. It was hard to understand what the Emperor was asking. If he was doubting her relationship with the Duke, she was about to answer absolutely not, but Alexis weighed heavily on her mind. Nanna still didn’t know whose child he was. Even after asking herself many times, it was truly hard to know, so she just thought to wait and see.

To make matters worse, Alexis took after his mother’s side. In fact, thinking about that, it was hard to even straighten her back from shame. A child whose biological father is unknown… She felt like she had become a vulgar and dirty woman.

And to be honest, it wasn’t exactly wrong. She had been the Duke’s bed warmer. Not someone’s wife, but a woman a nobleman hid away and held in his arms each night.

Then, even after marriage, she might have given birth to a child of a man who wasn’t her husband.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing… nothing….”

Nanna trailed off. Her eyelids trembled, and her throat felt dry. She remembered the question Orestes had once asked. Whether Alexis was Duke Everhardt’s child. He had to know everything. Even if she said nothing happened, he knew it wasn’t true.

Nanna slowly lifted her eyes and stared at him for a long time before finally opening her mouth.

“Your Majesty.”

“Speak.”

“I don’t think Alexis is Your Majesty’s son.”

“You don’t think so?” he asked.

Nanna stared at him blankly, then slowly nodded. It wasn’t because the Duke claimed paternity, but because she’d asked herself again and again and come to that conclusion. Alexis wasn’t Orestes’s child. But even so… she didn’t think the Emperor would be all that angry. Maybe this was the moment he would finally throw her away.

Another man’s child. He was unlikely to keep as his concubine a woman who had slept with his father-in-law and borne a bastard. On top of that, Alexis was a child she had given birth to during her time as Empress Consort.

“Be clear with your words.”

“It’s just….”

“So?” the Emperor asked.

Nanna stared at him with her mouth open, dazed. Thinking of Alexis made her chest tighten. She was scared and angry at the fact that she’d given birth to an illegitimate child. But Alexis was sweet. He hadn’t done anything wrong. Still, he wasn’t the Emperor’s son. But wouldn’t it be okay? He’s young. He knows nothing because he’s young.

“What are you trying to say?”

His low voice was calm. Nanna stared into those unreadable amber eyes. They looked like the eyes of a beast, and suddenly they felt unbearably fierce. Like she was being cornered and devoured. It was a familiar feeling, but still hard to endure. Nanna lowered her gaze and fought off a shiver. She could feel her lashes trembling as she slowly clenched her fists.

“I… I want to leave the palace. Alexis… isn’t Your Majesty’s son, so….”

Nanna trailed off. She expected him to cut her off or grab her neck, but the Emperor gave no reaction. Terrified, she called out, “Your Majesty….” The Emperor, who had been gripping her chin, suddenly wrapped his hand around her hair. It wasn’t much force, but it was enough to yank her head back.

“Ah—hkk!”

“How dare you say that in front of your husband….”

His voice bit out each syllable like he was chewing her to pieces. The sharpness of it made it hard to breathe. Tears welled in her eyes, and she almost burst into sobs. Nanna couldn’t hold back anymore and started sniffling. The Emperor grabbed her by the hair and shoved her down onto the bed. Shocked, Nanna couldn’t catch her breath and started coughing.

He looked down at her, watching her convulse. Then he propped her up and supported her back. The hand that had yanked her hair now slowly rubbed her back. Nanna squirmed in the arms that were wrapping tightly around her, trying to get free.

But the more she tried to escape, the tighter his arms clamped down. Nanna sniffled weakly and looked up at him. Her eyes, unable to lift properly, were half-glazed.

“I heard you haven’t been feeling well lately.”

“….”

“I think you might be pregnant.”

It came out of nowhere. Nanna looked at him in shock. This wasn’t what she wanted to talk about. She wanted to leave the palace with Alexis. He might be young now, but the older he got, the more likely it would be that someone would recognize his real father’s face.

And she couldn’t stay in the palace forever either. Thea had returned, and the Emperor had a secure heir. There was no longer any risk to his bloodline. Nanna, recalling the cold expression of that woman, gently pushed against the Emperor’s chest. He had been staring at her like a still-life painting, and now he grabbed the hand trying to push him away.

She couldn’t remain in the palace forever. Thea had returned, and the Emperor’s heir was secure, so there was no danger of her position being shaken. Nanna recalled the woman with the cold face and pushed the Emperor’s chest gently. The Emperor, who was scrutinizing Nanna with still eyes, grabbed the hand pushing his chest.