Winter Bud - Chapter 43

Her stomach ached. It hurt to think about why some people had everything while she couldn’t have even one thing. Sometimes she just wanted to stay far away from Thea.

If she had been just a maid who scrubbed floors instead of a lady-in-waiting, she wouldn’t have had to see that father and daughter up close. Every morning, the Duke began his day with his daughter. Instead of sitting at a long table, he seated her at a small round one, carefully deboning her fish himself and tending to her meal.

Afterward, he would inspect her dresses one by one, picking out the one he thought suited her best. Thea would tease him for having no sense of fashion, then laugh brightly as she tried on the dress he chose, asking if it looked good on her.

From a young age, Thea had lived mostly confined to her bed. After her health somewhat improved, she preferred active pursuits. The Duke personally taught his daughter how to ride, how to read the stars, and even took her hunting.

The only thing Thea didn’t learn from him was how to wield a sword. Though she was neither a son nor an heir, she learned everything else. His retainers often whispered that his way of doting on his daughter was excessive.

But Thea truly was adorable enough to be loved as dearly as he did. And not long after losing his wife, the Duke had nearly lost his daughter to a fever. Thea, the only daughter of a noble and prestigious house, was an only child. Nanna envied her, not for her wealth or noble status, but for being loved so completely. It was a love so deep that it made Nanna’s chest ache with jealousy and grief.

“If I were to say I never once had other feelings toward Lady Thea… that wouldn’t be true. But it’s not as though I ever sought to threaten her place or harbored wicked intentions.”

Nanna’s voice trembled as she spoke. With her shoulders drawn together, she stared at the dusty floor before lifting her gaze. The green eyes that seemed stained like soot were fixed intently on her. The weight of that gaze pinned her in place like a tack, and fear made her avert her eyes again. Then it happened. Both her cheeks were seized.

The heat she’d felt earlier surged through her, pulling her forward helplessly.

“Mm—”

Her lips were swallowed. Stunned, Nanna didn’t even realize what was happening for a moment and couldn’t think to push him away. She squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again, struggling to grasp her fading sense of awareness. She pressed both hands weakly against his solid chest.

In that moment, the Duke pushed his tongue through the seam of her bitten lips. His thick tongue filled her mouth completely. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation, yet chills ran through her. The strength in her knees vanished, and her body swayed. Supporting her, the Duke wrapped an arm around her waist.

Nanna shook her head desperately. The sucking pressure of his tongue was intense. It slithered through her mouth like a snake, ravaging her breath. The sensation of their teeth scraping and their mingled saliva wasn’t dizzying; it made her mind go blank. Nanna beat his chest again and again with her small fists, letting out faint moans.

Dizziness swept over her as her head fell back. Then, in the end, she was thrown onto the floor. Even when things had gone that far, the Duke didn’t let her go. Unable to withstand the man pressing against her, Nanna’s head struck the floor.

She gasped from the pain, and suddenly his lips were gone. Dazed, Nanna looked up at him. Her ragged breaths tangled as her gaze met his. The man stared down at her. His green eyes were shadowed, dark as night.

Nanna remembered—he was Thea’s father. The man of whom Thea, who had called Nanna her sister, always spoke so fondly. The father who adored that woman with such tenderness. Then why couldn’t Nanna see him that way? Thea had said Nanna was like a sister to her… and they weren’t even that far apart in age. They were nearly the same.

“Mm, mmm… Ah! Stop!”

A knee slid between her legs. The hand gripping her waist tried to pull up her linen dress. Nanna jolted and shook her head frantically. He had said it was an accident. A mistake. But even before that, the Duke had treated her like this, because he couldn’t control his lust. Despite how many times he had taken her, his eyes never once looked at her as anything more.

After spilling his filth, he would turn away with a face full of denial. Because of that, Nanna could never stay long in his bed. She dragged her shaky legs out of his chamber, terrified of running into anyone awake at dawn.

“Please, get a hold of yourself.”

“Do I look like I’ve lost my mind?”

“You mustn’t make the same mistake again.”

Nanna didn’t think the Duke was such a foolish man. A man who would make the same mistake twice and regret it twice.

He was a knight who understood what restraint meant. He had spent years on the battlefield without ever indulging in the common pleasures of flesh. He was a man who remained faithful to his dead wife, praised by the world as a man who knew what chivalry was. And yet….

“You said you’d never do this again.”

“I never said that.”

“No, Duke. Please….”

Without realizing it, Nanna clasped her hands together and begged. She hated Orestes, but she hated the Duke too. Being with Orestes felt like adultery, but the Duke….

“Think of Lady Thea. No, of Her Majesty the Empress.”

“Why?”

“Her Majesty called me her sister.”

“Ah.”

He let out a low sound, then smirked. His sharp grin was like a snake’s. It was completely unlike his usual composed demeanor—sharp, twisted. He acted like a broken man, as if something inside him had snapped. Nanna was afraid of him. She couldn’t understand why he was being so cruel to her.

As in all things, the two men who were endlessly kind to Thea showed not the slightest ounce of mercy toward Nanna. They were always cruel, always cold. So she realized how futile her jealousy had been. It wasn’t that Thea had good people, but that those people were kind only because they were Thea’s.

“If Her Majesty finds out, if she learns everything….”

“Why do you think she doesn’t already know?”

“Because….”

Nanna couldn’t finish.  Sermione stared intently into those dazzling, sky-blue eyes. He thought of the boy he had seen recently. Orestes had claimed that the child was his. Nanna had denied it, saying he wasn’t. That denial had lingered in his mind.

In truth, Nanna didn’t even know who the boy’s father was. The thought that she had lain with Orestes so many times that she couldn’t tell chilled her blood. She regretted the day she had been made Orestes’s woman. But even if she could turn back time, she knew she would have made the same choice. That was how much Sermione despised Nanna, or rather, how much he couldn’t forgive himself for desiring her.

“I don’t want to disappoint Her Majesty. Not anymore….”

Nanna thought of the woman with the fair face. Her chest ached painfully. It felt as though agony chewed through her from head to toe. If that ever happened, if she truly disappointed Thea, she would throw herself from the terrace without hesitation.

She exhaled a trembling breath and called out, “Duke.”

“Will you marry me?”

“What?”

Nanna asked in disbelief. She couldn’t comprehend what she had just heard or what he was saying. Her unfocused eyes widened as she stared at him like he’d lost his mind. Just looking at him made her stomach churn…. Unlike Nanna, who wanted to flee immediately, the Duke’s face was deadly serious.

“Unlike Orestes, I will take you as my wife.”

“What….”

“Alexis is my son.”

“Duke.”

“I’ve had it verified through Viina.”

‘Viina’ was a vassal of House Everhardt and one of the most renowned alchemists in the Empire. Nanna recalled hearing that even Orestes had long acknowledged his skill.

During the war before the founding of the nation, Viina had joined the Duke as his retainer. Unlike the typical alchemists who locked themselves away in towers, he was a man unafraid of blood-stained iron and fire. When the war ended, he was awarded both a medal of military merit and a knighthood. With such a skilled alchemist, the result could not have been wrong. Nanna’s mind went completely blank. She couldn’t grasp what he was saying and only stared at him in shock.

He called her name, “Nanna.” It seemed that was the first time he had ever called her so. Her stomach turned.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“I’m not your father.”

“I know that.”

“Then why expect the same from me?” the Duke murmured without a trace of distortion.