Winter Bud - Chapter 41

Was it when she was seven? When she lifted the blanket to wake her father, his empty left leg was revealed. When he wore his prosthetic, it wasn’t noticeable, but once removed, the emptiness was so stark that the young Nanna froze in surprise.

“You damned brat!”

Her father, opening his eyes, roared like an enraged bull. With a hand as large as a pot lid, he slapped young Nanna across the face with a sharp crack. Nanna, frail as a twig, collapsed helplessly to the floor. Terrified, the young girl burst into sobs. Yet her father’s anger did not subside; he kicked her mercilessly. Her mother, who had been in the kitchen, came running in and pulled Nanna behind her.

“Bring that girl here!”

“Stop it!”

“Do you want to get hit too?”

“Please, honey, stop! She didn’t mean it!”

Her mother pleaded through tears. Nanna, feeling her heart pound like a drum, cried loudly. All she had wanted was to have breakfast with her father. He always woke up late. She just wanted to wake him playfully. That was all.

The tension from the day before had faded. Her father had lifted her up so she could pick fruit from the apricot tree. His arms had been warm and strong…. She just wanted to be held by him again. But then….

“Honey, Nanna is just a child!”

Her mother cried desperately, kneeling on the floor. Nanna trembled until she finally vomited. Her father glared at her as if she were filthy waste and stormed out of the house.

“What are you thinking about?”

Suddenly, a calm baritone echoed beside her ear. Having returned to her quarters, Nanna raised her gaze to look up at the Duke. Both the Emperor and he often asked her what she was thinking. Nanna shook her head. What good would it do for them to know what she felt or thought?

“Nothing… I’m not thinking about anything.”

Nanna lied. It was the only lie she ever told. Not that they would believe her anyway. Still, she didn’t want them to see the chaotic thoughts swirling inside her. She bit her lips tightly.

“You can’t lie. But you keep repeating the same thing.”

The Duke spoke in a flat tone. His indifferent face was gaunt and sharp. Nanna glanced at him, then let her gaze slide away. Couldn’t he just let it go, just once? Did he really have to bring it up every time?

Furrowing her brows, she stared at the spot where the light pooled softly. Why had the Duke come looking for her? Nanna was a discarded piece now, with no value left to him. She was no longer Empress Consort. His real daughter had awakened and reclaimed her rightful place, leaving Nanna as nothing but a cumbersome byproduct. And yet….

“…Why did you come here?”

“Is there a reason I shouldn’t come to see you?”

Nanna lifted her head. His face, perfectly sculpted like fine silk fabric, was impeccably composed. He was beautiful in the way a still-life painting was. Unlike other nobles, he wore no colorful jewels, only a neatly draped cape embroidered with gold thread. Nanna looked at him and shook her head.

There was no reason the Duke couldn’t visit her. Though it seemed like “confinement,” all she had done was move her residence to the Western Palace. She hadn’t been demoted to commoner status nor exiled for a crime. Moreover, in name, she was still his adopted daughter. There was no reason a foster father couldn’t visit his foster daughter.

“…I just thought you wouldn’t have anything particular to say.”

“I was only curious if you were all right.”

“…About what?”

“I heard Orestes assaulted you last night.”

The Duke’s lips twisted faintly, almost into a smile. Nanna replayed that brief expression in her mind. It felt strange that he called what the Emperor had done to her “assault.” Strange in more ways than one.

After all, the Emperor was her husband. Concubine or not, a husband was still a husband. But to call it assault… if what Orestes did to her was assault, then what should she call what the Duke had done to her? He wasn’t her husband. Legally, he was her adoptive father, and before that, merely her master.

A master sleeping with his maid wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, like rain falling on a cloudy day…. But Nanna no longer wanted to have that kind of relationship with him. She believed he felt the same. At least, for Thea’s sake, he should.

No matter how oblivious Thea might be, secrets had a way of being exposed. Just the thought of Thea discovering everything that had happened between her and the Duke made Nanna’s chest tighten until she could hardly breathe. The very idea made her pulse race wildly. She might even end up taking her own life. Truly, if that day ever came… she might bite her tongue without meaning to.

In truth, Nanna wanted to end it all. Yet the Duke kept coming to her. He came to ask who Alexis’s father was. What did it matter whose child he was? He was a bastard either way. Bastards couldn’t inherit. Wouldn’t it be better for him to live as a prince who has no chance of inheriting the throne?

Nanna simply wished for Alexis to be happy and healthy. She only hoped he would grow up safely, without any accidents…. That was all.

From the beginning, who his father was didn’t matter. Or perhaps, at times, the Duke himself seemed to think it didn’t matter either. It was as if he had found some leverage to use, though she had no idea what for.

Nanna looked at him through the dim light.

“…It wasn’t assault.”

Nanna lied again. One of the Duke’s smooth eyebrows arched slightly. Nanna swallowed hard. The tension made her feel dizzy. She bit her lip, then repeated herself.

It wasn’t assault. Even though it was. When she thought of how she had trembled and cried in fear, when she remembered the Emperor’s eyes and his movements as he took her, there wasn’t much difference. But she couldn’t bring herself to say it in front of the Duke. She didn’t even know why.

“His Majesty wants me to bear more children. He said it would be… good for Lady Thea—no, Her Majesty the Empress.”

“So?”

“I believe I’m serving both of you.”

“Serving….”

“Wouldn’t it please you as well, Duke, to have more grandchildren? His Majesty said he’d like a daughter like Freya.”

Nanna deliberately changed the subject. But the way she rambled made her sound like a flustered toad, and she felt her cheeks burn. Her heart pounded, and her stomach churned. The Duke’s gaze, sharp as a blade, grew more and more unbearable. Nanna grew afraid of what he might do next.

But he wouldn’t. The Duke had been deeply shaken that time. He had said it was nothing, merely a mistake, and told her to think of it that way. A mere accident. And Nanna did as he said.

When he grabbed her shoulders and locked eyes with Nanna, whose face was flushed and trembling, the Duke truly seemed like a drunken nobleman who had made a mistake with his maid. An ordinary woman might have considered such behavior an insult. After all, Nanna had been the Empress Consort then. She had already given birth to three of the Emperor’s children. But Nanna had only cowered in fear and wept.

The Duke stared at Nanna in the dim light and muttered a low curse. Startled, she glanced at him, then dropped her gaze. And that was the end of it. Nanna did as the Duke had said. She decided to think of it as nothing more than an accident, a mistake. No more, no less. She resolved not to give it any meaning. But then….

“I just want to have your youngest.”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“I meant exactly what I said.”

“Duke.”

“And a child that young needs a mother.”

Nanna stared at him blankly. Her unfocused eyes drifted through the air. She couldn’t comprehend what she had just heard. She had even forgotten what she was supposed to say. Her lips opened and closed like a fish, and the Duke spoke first.

“Do you think I’m wrong?”

“What… what do you mean…?”

“Alexis is my son. You bore my child.”

“N-no, that’s not true.”

“Nanna.”

Nanna wondered why he was so certain. Where did that groundless conviction come from? She thought of Alexis. That small child… that baby she had held in her arms. The thought made her head throb.

Orestes had said the boy was his son. Even if she were to deny it, what would that change now? She wondered if perhaps Orestes thought the same. Nanna only wished the Duke would leave the boy alone.