Winter Bud - Chapter 35

“You look like you’re staring at some disgusting insect.”

“I’ve never… never done that.”

“Then smile a little. You used to flash that foolish smile all the time, didn’t you?”

Did I? Nanna searched through her memories. She couldn’t recall clearly. The thought of having once smiled foolishly at him made her want to tear her hair out. Frozen pale, she shook her head. The Emperor’s eyes twisted faintly at the corners.

“Don’t want to?”

“It’s not that….”

“You always say that.”

“Pardon?”

“You said it’s not that. Then what does that even mean?”

“It’s just….”

“Smile,” he commanded.

Terrified by that monotonous order, Nanna began to cry even more. The Emperor watched her with an expression that said he couldn’t understand her at all. His stare was as sharp as a glare. Trembling, tense to the point of shivering, Nanna shook her head.

“Your Majesty. I….”

Her lips quivered. She fumbled, trying to say something—anything—when a cold, blade-like hand caught the back of her head. It wasn’t that he was yanking her hair or being violent. His touch wasn’t rough or cruel. But it still felt threatening…. Nanna forced her lips into a broken smile while lifting her head. Tears welled and streamed down her cheeks.

She probably looked ridiculous, smiling while crying, but there was nothing more she could do. The Emperor stared down at her blankly. She couldn’t fathom what was going on in his mind. All she could do was obey him, frightened.

“You disgust me.”

“H-hh….”

“You really are full of surprises, aren’t you?”

The Emperor’s expression twisted again. Nanna wondered why his mood had soured. Then she only wished he would finish his business and leave. It was too exhausting to endure him any longer.

“How was Duke Everhardt? Who else held you?”

The Emperor had once said it didn’t matter if she was filthy. It seemed he wasn’t really interested in her purity at all. He just seemed curious about who her master had been. Trembling, Nanna couldn’t think of what to say. There had only ever been Duke Everhardt and the Emperor. If Thea hadn’t saved her, things might’ve turned out differently.

Still, sometimes she thought her situation wasn’t so different from that of a woman in a brothel. After all, the Duke never sought her during the day either. Whenever he called her to bed, he’d always dim the lights or tell her to turn around so he wouldn’t have to see her face. The Emperor was no different.

“Speak.”

“T-there’s no one.”

“I’m asking you honestly, so you’d better answer honestly.”

“I-I’m not lying.”

Nanna shook her head. The Emperor stared at her in silence, then suddenly gripped her breast. His large hand enveloped her soft, pale flesh completely. Nanna glanced nervously at the man who was rubbing her hardened nipple with his finger.

His touch was rough and dry, yet his lust was thick. Nanna lowered her gaze with a gloomy face. Soon, after kneading her like this, he would tell her to spread her legs. He would thrust into her a few times, reach his climax, and then leave without staying longer. Nanna only wished time would pass faster.

“Look up.”

His indifferent voice brushed her ear. Nanna, hunched over, looked at him. His yellow eyes glowed like those of a beast. She trembled, feeling an odd burning sensation spread through her chest. Then suddenly, he buried his face between her breasts.

Startled by the unfamiliar act, Nanna let out a sharp scream, “Ah!” She jerked in surprise, trying to push him away, but the Emperor gripped her waist tightly and muttered for her to stay still. With a face on the verge of tears, Nanna parted her trembling lips.

“Your Majesty, please don’t… don’t do this,” she whispered, her voice shaking.

He lifted his head. “Why?”

“I-I don’t want this….”

“What have I even done?”

“Hh….”

He couldn’t understand her words. Nanna blinked as tears fell from her eyes. The Emperor watched blankly, then bit her breast. Nanna gasped and screamed, “Ah!” trembling as she saw him suddenly doing something he never had before. The way she begged him to stop made her feel like a woman being violated.

“Your Majesty, Your Majesty!”

“Shhh….”

Like little Alexis, the Emperor suckled on her nipple, making a faint hissing sound as he let out a slow breath. The patting on her trembling back was gentle, but Nanna couldn’t calm down easily. She asked him once more not to do this. He didn’t respond.

“Your Majesty.”

“What do you hate so much?”

“I….”

“Can’t you try being a little cute? Don’t you miss the children?”

“What?”

“Do something lovely. You’re the one who should be clinging to me like that.”

“I’m fine here.”

“Another lie. Every time, you….”

He growled. Nanna swallowed her tears with a pale face. She wasn’t lying, but the Emperor believed she was. Or maybe he wanted to believe it so badly. With her eyes lowered, Nanna thought of her three children.

She missed them. She wanted to see them. She only wished they were well. That’s why she prayed every day and tossed and turned every night. But that didn’t mean she wanted to return to the main palace. Nanna didn’t want to live in the same palace as Thea.

Even enduring the Emperor was hard enough. Dealing with Duke Everhardt’s threats was just as difficult….

“If you want to come back, then try a little harder.”

“I… I don’t know what it is Your Majesty wants,” Nanna whispered weakly.

Suddenly, he lifted his hand and stroked her hair. It was the kind of touch one might give a lover. But his eyes were still dry and indifferent, so she wasn’t confused. Feeling desolate, Nanna looked at him and then lowered her gaze.

“You were always stuck against the wall, watching me. Weren’t you?”

“What?”

“You used to glance at me from the side, never giving any other man a chance.”

Nanna looked at him, not understanding what he meant. Never giving other men a chance? Because of him? Nanna shifted her eyes. He seemed to be talking about the past… and he seemed to have misunderstood.

“You wanted me, didn’t you? You looked at me with eyes full of desire.”

“That’s….”

“I know you loved me. That’s why you never allowed any other man near you and only looked at me. The Duke only wanted your body. But now….”

He smiled faintly. The cold, thin smile was sharp as a blade. Nanna’s lips opened and closed soundlessly like a fish’s. He was clearly misunderstanding something, yet she couldn’t bring herself to speak. That she hadn’t allowed other men near her because she loved him, was that really true? Nanna was confused, her eyes darting nervously. The Emperor watched her silently, then his expression twisted with displeasure.

“Am I wrong?”

His voice rumbled like a beast’s growl, the kind that echoed in a cave before the roar. Nanna bit her lip and stared at him. She couldn’t say he was right, but she couldn’t deny it either. Then he said her name.

“Nanna.”

She flinched. Startled, she froze in confusion as the man who had been holding her gaze leaned down and began pressing his lips gently along her neck. It was a tender gesture, but Nanna only felt fear. She darted her eyes about, wondering if this had ever happened before. Had he ever touched her this gently….

‘He’s bitten me many times before.’

Yes, he had done that plenty of times. He’d bitten her neck, her shoulders, her breasts, and even her buttocks as if he wanted to devour her whole. That was why she felt ashamed to show her body to the maids. She always bathed alone and wished to dress herself as well, but when it came to wearing the extravagant dresses, she couldn’t do it by herself. For many reasons, Nanna never enjoyed her nights with the Emperor. Not even a little, and that was why, sometimes, becoming pregnant had felt like a relief.

Because the Emperor wouldn’t come looking for her. Yet the man always came to torment her once Nanna had passed a certain period. Even when she told him not to, thinking of the child, he had said the court physician claimed it was fine. Still, whenever her swollen belly brushed against his abs, he would make a look of disgust. It seemed he wasn’t pleased about her being pregnant.