Winter Bud - Chapter 28

It was Thea who first brought up the matter of concubines. She told him to take women…. She said not doing so would trample on her pride. Nanna couldn’t understand it, but then again, Thea was a woman born different from the start. How could she ever understand such a woman’s heart?

Even so….

“I’ll keep making you pregnant.”

“….”

“Until you can’t anymore. Until your periods stop and you can no longer bear my child.”

His voice was chilling. So that was why he’d confined her to the Western Palace instead of the convent. To keep her out of sight and only come for her when needed. It wasn’t impossible. Once he got her pregnant, he wouldn’t have to visit again until she gave birth. Then the child pulled from between her legs could just be sent to Thea’s quarters.

All the couple had to do was smile brightly as if it were their own child when they held the newborn in their arms. That was it. So… it was despairing. She really felt like a tool. She felt like a sow made to endlessly breed piglets, forced into horrific service for the imperial couple until her fertile years ended.

“Do you hate it?”

Suddenly, the Emperor asked. Nanna saw the faint cracks forming in his face as he looked at her pale stiffness. Did he mean—do you hate bearing my child? It felt like an accusation. She avoided his eyes and bit her lips when he spoke again.

“Wasn’t that your original purpose?”

“I….”

“You’re the woman who bears my children. Right? You even wore clothes that didn’t suit you for that purpose.”

“Not anymore. Not anymore.”

Nanna went pale, trembling. Her dry lips quivered, and chills spread through her body. But strangely, her eyes felt heavy. Burning… as if a hot lump of coal had been placed on them. Nanna swallowed down the sobs rising in her throat.

She thought it was fortunate she no longer had to endure such things with him. Because Thea had returned. Slan had already been made Crown Prince, and he had a healthy daughter he could use for a political marriage. Alexis’s bloodline was in doubt, but… if more children were needed, he could always take another concubine. A young lady with a better background than hers. There were plenty of such women in the capital. Families with strong lineage, women with beauty. Many ladies more educated and noble than she.

So all the Emperor and Thea had to do was choose. But why….

“I, I’m no longer Your Majesty’s….”

“Concubine,” he muttered crudely.

Nanna couldn’t say a word. The ache pressing in on her was heavier than the tearing pain in her pussy. She trembled, and her tears fell. When he asked, “Do you hate it?” she didn’t answer. With each sharp thrust, as his semen spurted half out, her slick entrance contracted and tried to devour him.

He looked down at her expressionlessly. She hated that dull, sharp gaze and slowly turned her head away. Biting her lip, tears trickled down. Despair surged like a black river, swallowing her whole.

But she could adapt. Despair was a familiar feeling to her. Yes. She could.

“Nanna.”

He called her name. Nanna started and turned her eyes to him. It was the first time her name had been spoken. The first time the Emperor had called her by name…. He had always said “you.” When referring to her in front of others, he called her “that woman.” Even after she became Empress, it was the same. Stateira was always “Thea” or “Stacey”….

Nanna’s wet lips trembled. Suddenly, his large hands seemed to seize her face. She stared, wondering what he would do. His face came closer. His heavy breath touched her upper lip. Startled, Nanna turned her head away, and the Emperor looked at her with displeasure. Her heart pounded violently. She couldn’t even guess what he’d tried to do. A kiss? Was he going to kiss her? Had he been about to press his lips to hers?

“W-what….”

“Why are you so startled? It’s disgusting.”

“What?”

“It disgusts me.”

His mouth twisted. Nanna was shocked, like cold water poured over her, and shook her head.

“That wasn’t what I….”

“Enough.”

He cut off Nanna’s words. She pressed her lips tight. Lowering her gaze, she only wished he would finish quickly. Nanna hated this process—hated feeling any emotion or sensation during sex. Even feeling pleasure seemed like a sin. It truly felt like committing adultery. Now, in this vague position as a concubine, it only made it worse. Fortunately, the Emperor finished quickly. Just as at the beginning, he only bit and sucked at her breasts, without trying to unload his private desires.

Nanna felt him spill his white seed deep inside her and pulled her body back. Unlike the man’s slow movements, she quickly twisted away and straightened her body. The Emperor’s murky gaze lingered on her vacantly.

“I’ll send Slan to you.”

“Pardon?”

“Stella and Alexis too,” he said.

Nanna only stared at him blankly, unable to answer. She just stared, not knowing what to say. It was good news. She hadn’t expected to see the children, but if she was to be rewarded with more than she hoped, she should have been glad. But she wasn’t elated. She only sank coldly and groped at her feet.

“You don’t look pleased.”

“No, I’m happy.”

Nanna shook her head. Afraid he might take back his words, she quickly nodded again and again. If she could see the children, it really would be good. Even once a month…. Even just briefly would be enough. If she could see their faces and ask how they were, it would be enough. And yet….

“I’m so happy… I don’t even know what to say.”

Nanna murmured softly. The Emperor only looked at her darkly.

***

The next afternoon. Nanna didn’t open her eyes until noon. The Emperor seemed to stir restlessly on the worn-out bed, and then, while she was asleep, he slipped away. Nanna thought it fortunate that he vanished quickly and rose from bed. As she lifted her creaking body and looked around, she saw a bowl of soup and some dry bread set on the round table.

Nanna sat at the table, sipping the fruit wine in the small cup and slowly eating the soup. The Western Palace was indeed desolate. There was no sound or sign of people. It really felt like an abandoned palace. Perhaps there were only a few maids, or perhaps no one wished to tend to a concubine kept in confinement. They didn’t wake her or even pick up the clothes scattered under the bed. Once her body recovered a little, she wanted to wash and step outside….

She wondered if ringing the bell would bring maids with bathwater. Still, she finished the meal. The situation wasn’t good, but… at least there was good news. Between the bad news that the Emperor would keep coming to her and the good news that she could see the children, which weighed heavier? She shook her head. After all, no one could have everything.

Nanna rose from the table and rang the bell. Each step she took made her legs ache with the sensation of foreign fluid leaking between them.

“You called for me?”

Is she a maid? Or a nun? An elderly woman in black clothing stood before her after some time. Nanna, flustered, looked at her and parted her lips.

“Um… I’d like to wash….”

“Ah.”

The woman opened her mouth slightly. She nodded, then gestured for Nanna to follow. Cautiously, Nanna moved her feet. The woman led her out of the bedchamber, apologizing that it was late to show her around the residence, and slowly walked through the long gallery.

“There are servants, but they’re busy tending the residence, so it may be hard for them to serve you often.”

“…Ah. Yes.”

“You know the Western Palace was once used as a monastery, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“There are separate bathing facilities.”

That answer was unexpected. But Nanna didn’t think it was bad. The baths weren’t far. She looked at the refined space, so different from the splendor of the imperial palace. The marble tub was simple, with no vine-patterned engravings, just plain.