Winter Bud - Chapter 25

‘Miss Thea’s man can never be mine. Never…. Even that small kindness isn’t something I can have.’

Nanna had once thought that. Was it the first night after the wedding? Around then, she remembered having such a thought.

The reason the Emperor had been kind and gentle was because the one before him was Thea. The reason he endured her hysteria like a sage was because he loved her. So, of course, Nanna could own nothing. She was a woman who couldn’t even receive a fragment of his kindness. Not his smile, not his gentle touch…. None of it could ever be hers. So….

“Hhk… I never lied. Everything I tell Your Majesty is the truth. Not a single grain of falsehood is mixed in.”

“Shut your mouth.”

His lips twisted. Instinctively, Nanna pressed her own lips shut before the crude man. The more she denied, the angrier the Emperor seemed to become. Then what should she do? Should she say it was true even when it wasn’t? Should she say she had admired her lady’s man and plotted to steal him? Should she say she had gone even further, scheming underhanded tricks?

Nanna shook her head. None of it was true, and she didn’t want to admit to such things. She knew her place. Why would she ever….

“Your Majesty.”

“You want to leave the Western Palace, don’t you?”

“….”

“You want to do that with me every day, don’t you? To bear my child.”

“….”

“That’s the only thing you can do. Isn’t it?”

He asked as if seeking agreement, but his voice was full of certainty. Nanna couldn’t say anything. It wasn’t true, but now she was afraid that if she didn’t say it was, it would be worse.

The Emperor hated it when she didn’t give the answer he wanted. Sometimes it seemed he had already decided the answer, then pressed her with growls. He seemed to believe Nanna enjoyed panting between his thighs. Like a whore…. Like a woman who sold herself, who lusted for him and wanted to be pregnant again. But….

“That’s all you can do. You can’t do anything else. If you want to keep your place, you have to keep giving birth to my children.”

Nanna shook her head faintly. Tears streamed without end. She didn’t know what to say first, and opening her lips frightened her with what punishment might follow.

“Nod.”

“Your Majesty.”

“Nod.”

“…That’s not true.”

Even if she were cast aside, it would be fine. She didn’t want to be pregnant. She didn’t want to live as empress. All Nanna wanted was to occasionally check if her babies were doing well, if they were safe. Each time she thought she shouldn’t even wish for that, she broke down in misery. That was all, truly all, yet the Emperor believed she was being unreasonably greedy. If she truly were, she would have done anything. She would have used any trick just to stay in the palace.

“I’d even accept a convent. Truly, if I could just exchange greetings with my babies….”

“Shut up.”

“But….”

“Speak your true heart.”

“That is… that is my true heart.”

Nanna clasped her hands together. Weeping, she swore she had no other intent. The more she did, the more twisted his face became. That fiercely twisted face suffocated her with fear, but she had no other words. Nothing remained in her mind but to prove her innocence.

“Truly, truly the only thing I want is to see my babies sometimes. I can’t tell you how terrified I am each day that even that won’t be allowed.”

Nanna dropped her head back. She no longer wished for anything from him, yet he branded her as greedy, and it felt so unjust. She couldn’t understand why he tormented her like this. She wept for a long while, until a large hand clutched her throat. Nanna let out a coarse groan. He pushed her down.

Her head hit the soft pillow. She opened her eyes wide in shock. The Emperor loomed above her. Suddenly, her gaze fell on the swelling in his robes. His groin….

“Your Majesty.”

“…You’re always the same. I’m sick of it now.”

He said something Nanna couldn’t understand. What did he mean, always the same…? She was confused. At that moment, the hand gripping her throat slid down to seize her breast. Nanna, flustered, tried to push him away. In an instant, silk tore. There was no rough motion, and yet his hands methodically ripped her dress. Even parts of her negligee were torn away, leaving her bare skin exposed.

“Your Majesty? Why…?”

“This is all you can do. Isn’t it strange to want something else?”

“I….”

“You want me. You want to suck my cock. That’s why you’re always wet. You need to carry my child. As long as your belly is swollen, you’ll be safe. You want safety from me, so you’re always ready to conceive my children.”

“That’s not true.”

“No, this is what you are.”

The Emperor declared it. His crude certainty cut into her. Nanna, overwhelmed, couldn’t even blink. He stripped her bare. The way he did it was almost as if tearing her apart. Nanna, stunned, only realized she was naked when it was too late.

“Your Majesty. Why are you doing this here? You can’t…. Lady Thea—no, the Empress has woken….”

Nanna muttered blankly. His words and actions were so unbelievable, it felt like a dream. But if it was a dream, it was a nightmare. She raised herself halfway, covering her chest. She felt like she was naked before a stranger. But in truth, it was half true. Because the Emperor was Thea’s husband.

He wasn’t her man. He never had been, and it was never pleasant. Being with him always felt like committing adultery. That was why she always felt guilty before Thea. That was why she couldn’t look her in the eye and always knelt. Because she felt she had committed a sin…. That indelible sense of guilt crushed her.

“…Her Majesty the Empress will be sad.”

“I’m not holding you. I’m punishing you.”

“Sorry?”

“You deceived me. You’ve always deceived me. But today, I’m angrier than ever.”

He pulled out his cock. Unlike Nanna, he was aroused, exposing only what was below. Nanna stared blankly at him, unable to understand all of his words. The only thing carved deep into her mind was his emotion. The Emperor still hated her. He loathed her, wanted to punish her. So….

“…I never did anything to deserve punishment from Your Majesty.”

“Do you think deceiving me isn’t a sin?”

“That’s….”

Again, the same words. Nanna trembled. The man who clung to the same accusation was terrifying. She truly didn’t want him. She wasn’t greedy, but the Emperor believed otherwise. And denying it only made him accuse her of deception again. Nanna trembled with her face twisted. She bit her lips hard, and then the man suddenly grabbed her arm. He made her grab hold of the bedpost and push out her hips.

Nanna stupidly did as he ordered, holding on to the bedpost and sticking out her hips. His solid body pressed right up against her back. It felt like an animal mating, and she hated this position. Perhaps for the same reason, the Emperor seemed to prefer it.

“Mm…”

The hard shaft pressed into the cleft of her ass. Her pussy was too sensitive. Nanna squirmed, clutching the post. Her breasts were crushed against the cold stone. His sharp, firm hands kneaded her buttocks, crushing her. His lust felt as dry as charcoal. Nanna didn’t know how to understand him.

But then, the Emperor was never someone who could be understood. To Nanna, he was like a calamity. He was the monster who twisted her life, devoured it, and cast it aside. And yet, how foolish she was to think she could ever understand him….