Winter Bud - Chapter 21

The Emperor seemed harsh, but most of the decisions he made were understandable. Since there couldn’t be two empresses, one had to step down, and this was something his retainers agreed upon. No matter how absolute the Emperor’s authority was, he couldn’t have two wives of equal rank.

Moreover, if one of those positions was fabricated, then all the more so…. So Nanna became not the Empress, but the Emperor’s concubine. He had her residence cleared out quickly. She wasn’t allowed to take any of the three children with her.

Those children became the children of Stateira, the Empire’s one and only Empress. In other words, their legal mother was Stateira. Naturally, the one who could exercise parental rights was also her. She was the one they would now call ‘Mother.’

Nanna thought she had finally become nothing more than a womb. Perhaps it wasn’t even such a rare thing. In ancient times, it was common for a maid to lie first with her lady’s husband. She might attend to him in bed beforehand to test for physical defects, or to see if he had bad habits. For one reason or another, sometimes she would even bear a child in her mistress’s place.

So was this really something shameful? She didn’t know.

“Thea’s infertile. That’s why she even tried to use alchemy to conceive. Because of that, she quarreled with Karl too.”

Nanna was packing her belongings to move to the Western Palace when the Empress Dowager’s composed voice echoed in her ears. Nanna turned back. The calm-faced Empress Dowager asked, ‘Did you cry?’ Nanna couldn’t bring herself to say she had cried all night.

That she couldn’t pull herself together from the dreadful events that had struck without warning. That she wanted to beg to be sent to a convent instead. She couldn’t move her lips to say it. She didn’t want to become a concubine. She didn’t want to stay here under that name. On top of it all, her babies were taken from her…. She shouldn’t think such things, but she couldn’t help it. The thought kept tormenting her.

“I know the Emperor’s actions are harsh. I know too that he intends to use you until the very end….”

“….”

“I’m sorry.”

The Empress Dowager apologized. Nanna lowered her gaze, dazed. To be a deposed concubine… to be an imperial consort who didn’t receive even a speck of favor from the Emperor. The words didn’t seem to fit together. Even so, Nanna didn’t know what to say. Perhaps it was because, even after all that, she felt relieved that she had been cut away from the Emperor’s side.

“There’s only one thing I wish for.”

“I know. I know what it is.”

“Then….”

“I’ll try. Thea will think the same. She’s not the kind of person to be cruel enough to keep the children completely away from their birth mother and never let them see you. You know that too.”

The Empress Dowager spoke calmly. Nanna thought of the pale-faced woman. The Empress Dowager was right. Thea wasn’t that kind of bad person. No, in Nanna’s eyes, she was the kindest and warmest person in the world. So she wouldn’t be as cruel as the Emperor. Nanna’s clasped hands tightened.

“She’ll understand you too. So….”

“Will she really forgive me?”

Nanna lifted her gaze from the floor. What weighed on her was that she hadn’t heard a single word from Thea. The disgrace of stealing her mistress’s husband…. The reason she couldn’t say she hadn’t wanted to be his bride was because she couldn’t hide the overflowing love in her heart.

“Nanna.”

“I feel like I ruined everything.”

Nanna whispered gloomily. It wasn’t something born of self-loathing. It was the truth. From the bottom of her heart, she wished she could turn everything back. But even if she could, there was nothing she would be able to decide for herself. And so….

***

“I never thought you’d feel that way. You are bold and decisive, Father, but still….”

Thea lowered her gaze. Her long, thick eyelashes cast shadows. Sermione looked at his daughter’s waxen face. The pain etched on her small features seemed like a stain that not even time could wash away. But everything had returned to its rightful place.

The Emperor’s succession problem, which had remained as Thea’s burden and shackled her, was also resolved. So as a father, he could think he had done everything he could for her. And yet….

“If it hadn’t been that girl, would you feel a little better?”

“…I don’t know.”

“I know it’s not something you can accept easily. I believe you want to hurl curses at me.”

Lifting his gaze from the steaming teacup, the man looked at his daughter, who could no longer be called a child. With her bright blonde hair braided and draped over her shoulder, she reminded him of his late wife. The woman he used to gaze at on the bed like a painting. Sermione had never forgotten her and had never remarried. Did Thea also think her husband would be the same?

“Everything has returned to its rightful place. And besides, your maid solved the burdensome problem for you. That woman is a useful tool you can use.”

“Nanna?”

Thea sneered. She crudely pulled up the corners of her bloodless lips that drooped down. Her twisted smile made the man’s face look anything but comfortable. After a pause, he slowly opened his lips.

“Then what should be done?”

“I don’t know.”

Thea bit her lips. Her parched eyes grew hot, and in an instant, tears welled up. Her husband had asked what she wanted. What he had to do to be forgiven. Thea had screamed for a long time, demanding to know why they had brought her back to life. It had been close to a shriek.

If only she had died…. Wouldn’t it have been better if she had died? If she had never been able to return from death, wouldn’t that have been fine? But the men in her life had sealed her away in “eternal sleep,” trying to restore her. They had staked everything on that hopeless alchemy.

And yet how could he have taken Nanna as his bride at the same time? Thea felt a pain that tore her lungs to shreds, so sharp she couldn’t breathe. It was as if her entire body were burning. If only Nanna were here now, she would have slapped her until her cheeks split open. She would have spat at her, saying, “Because of you, it turned out like this. How dare you steal my man and put him between your thighs….”

She wanted to curse her like that….

“In truth, it’s not Nanna’s fault. Nanna only obeyed your orders, Father.”

“Even if it hadn’t been your maid, the Emperor would have had to remarry.”

“You’re right.”

Thea slowly nodded. Her blurred vision wavered. Suddenly, a large hand brushed Thea’s wet cheek. The hand that carefully wiped away her tears was no different from before. Her father was as kind and affectionate as ever. Thea looked at him, her flushed face slowly cooling.

“I understand you, Father. I may never be able to forgive, but I understand.”

“Thea.”

“At that time, Karl had no choice but to remarry. If I had given him even one heir, maybe it could have been delayed a little. But in the end, the position of empress couldn’t remain empty forever.”

What if it had been different? If he had remarried a daughter of another noble family instead… then things wouldn’t have been settled so quickly. Her birth family, House Everhardt, wouldn’t have been able to maintain its current power. So her father’s decision had been right. It had been better to adopt a lowborn woman like Nanna and make her the new empress.

And those children… weren’t they quite adorable? Thea thought of the three siblings she had just seen. She had heard there was once one more, who had died in an accident. But the first child, who had been made Crown Prince, was quite impressive.

“Father, you know Slan too, don’t you? You’ve seen him.”

“Yes.”

“Nanna gave birth to quite an adorable child.”

Thea gave a short laugh. Sermione stared at that laugh for a long moment, then nodded. He agreed. The children she had given birth to were indeed cute and lovable. Sometimes, he couldn’t even understand why the Emperor so openly turned away from them. But he too had once been like that. Sermione pressed his dry lips together and bit them lightly.