Winter Bud - Chapter 2

Nanna was the Empress of Falcomere. From the beginning, she was not of such a noble status, and thus she didn’t possess the dignity and refinement that matched it. Nanna retraced how a woman like her had come to rise to such a lofty position as Empress.

No matter how often she went back over the reasons and circumstances each day, when she thought of her lowly origins—her insignificant status and sordid past—she was dumbfounded and couldn’t even laugh. From the start, it was not right for someone like Nanna to live as Empress.

Everyone thought so, and she agreed with that as well. Even so, Nanna was the Empress of Falcomere and the wife of the Emperor. Though she was only the secondary Empress Consort, and the Emperor’s favor went solely to the primary Empress and first wife, Stateira.

“Are you not in pain?”

Nanna sat before a mirror. On the vanity were not cosmetics but alcohol and cotton for treating wounds. She lowered her gaze. At the maid’s question, her dry lips moved.

“…I’m fine.”

“I noticed earlier you had a bruise on your chest.”

Did she? Nanna dropped her gaze. Now that she thought about it, there did seem to be a bluish bruise rising near her breast.

She lifted her head. The maid asked, “Right?” Nanna didn’t reply. The maid, who had been dabbing her wounds with cotton soaked in alcohol, opened a jar of ointment. Nanna looked at herself, as if only thorns were left of her.

“…It’s nothing.”

Nanna’s dry lips moved. What did it matter if a bruise appeared on her chest? She lowered her gaze. The maid said no more and quietly applied the ointment. Nanna rose from her seat. Her muscles ached severely. Every time she shared a bed with the Emperor, she suffered such muscle aches, as if she’d been thoroughly beaten.

He hadn’t been her first man. In other words, she wasn’t a woman ignorant of men. Even so, she couldn’t adapt to the way the Emperor handled her. It was merciless and at times utterly piercing. More painful than the muscle aches that felt as if she would tear apart was her tattered heart. Holding back tears was harder than sweating cold sweat.

Nanna took creaking steps. She walked softly down the straight corridor. The yellow sunlight spreading between the classical pillars was warm. The crimson petals of zinnias swayed in the wind and drifted toward her. Nanna turned her head, gazed blankly at the petals, then walked on.

In the Lily Room stayed the young princes and princess. Originally, it was said to have been a room the Emperor of the Beltemore Empire had prepared for his favored concubine, but after Falcomere was founded, it was changed into a place for raising the Emperor’s children.

Nanna had once secretly hoped that by giving the princes and princess a room where the Emperor’s beloved concubine, or favored consort, would have once stayed, there might be at least a little affection. For it was not easy to turn such a beautiful and splendid room into a space for children who knew nothing. But….

“Thea wanted it so.”

Nanna bit her lip hard. Yes. Thea—that is, Stateira—had wished it so. For in Falcomere, there were no longer any concubines. It was because the Emperor was overly devout. Outwardly, it might not have seemed so, but Nanna had never seen another man with such deep faith.

Her eyes searched the floor inch by inch. Suddenly, a baby crawled over and grabbed the hem of her dress. The silvery hair sticking out beneath the brows resembled her own. Nanna gave a faint smile and lifted the child. Even the act of bending her waist and lifting the small baby made her back ache, but she didn’t show it.

“Mama—”

The baby moved his lips. The red, ripe lips were like cherries. She kissed the chubby cheeks, flushed rose. The baby laughed brightly and buried his face into her ample chest. She called out, “Alexis.”

The baby wriggled like a puppy perking its ears. Nanna patted the small back lightly and walked softly. Stella, who had been pressing piano keys together with her brother, turned her head to see her and quickly ran over.

“Mother.”

Stella hugged her waist. Slan, who had been toddling behind, also came to stand in front of her. Nanna smiled gently and opened her lips.

“Did you sleep well?”

“What about you, Mother?”

Stella lifted her head. Unless there was something special, Nanna spent the nights with the three siblings. Though there were separate chambers, she didn’t always have to stay in the chamber assigned by the Emperor. On nights when she didn’t share his bed, he didn’t care where she stayed.

Slan and Stella had adapted well to sleeping separately since childhood, but the youngest, Alexis, was somewhat different. Unlike his sensitive and gentle older brother and sister, he had a slightly fussy side. That was the same with Freya as well, so since Freya passed away, Nanna had always tried to stay with the children.

“I slept well. How about you, Slan and Stella?”

“Yesterday Alexis wet the blanket.”

Stella pouted, glancing at her youngest brother who curled up like a pill bug. Nanna looked down at her young son who had buried his face into her chest with a somewhat surprised look. He was not yet even a year old, so it was natural to make such toilet mistakes. But if he had been wearing a diaper, he wouldn’t have wet the blanket.

“Really? I will have to see Viscountess Schvalen.”

Nanna recalled the nanny of the three siblings with a somewhat dark expression. When she thought of the woman with pronounced cheekbones, her heart stung as though scratched by sharp claws.

Nanna didn’t like her. Strictly speaking, it was more that the woman didn’t like Nanna.

Because….

“No matter how I look, Your Majesty the Empress does not resemble them in the slightest. Of course, that is only natural. They are not your blood.”

It felt like her bones were trembling finely. She closed her lips tightly and stared at the Viscountess changing her daughter’s diaper. Viscountess Schvalen was a retainer of the Imperial family. One could say she was a servant of the Empress. Yet to the Viscountess, Nanna was not the Empress. Even in the sentences she spoke, the Empress was not her.

Nanna no longer even felt sorrow. She didn’t shed tears at such rudeness and cruelty. From the beginning, it wasn’t something worth crying over. That was what she thought. Still, such a situation couldn’t be anything but painful. At least she hoped the children would be treated well. That everyone would cherish them.

The children she bore were proper imperial descendants….

“What you must do is to become the Emperor’s womb in place of my daughter.”

Yes. She was the Emperor’s womb.

***

It rained from the afternoon. The bright May sunlight, clear enough to shatter, disappeared without a trace. Nanna raised her head and looked at the blurry sky. The sky covered with dark clouds was gloomy. Each time the thunder flashed, the black clouds seemed to twist their bodies.

At the end of the corridor, Nanna tilted her head back and waited for the rain to fall. Only after confirming the raindrops were falling one by one, wetting the ground, did she slowly turn back. It was still early for dinner, but today was the day of the imperial family’s evening banquet with the Emperor.

In truth, it was hardly worthy of being called a banquet, merely a dinner where the imperial family gathered together. Naturally, the Emperor’s young children also had to attend, and Nanna couldn’t be absent either. Nanna sat before the vanity with a deathly expression, like a cow being dragged to the slaughterhouse.

The maid’s hands began to tend to her abundant hair. The fine strands, soft as silver thread, were brushed with a comb of densely toothed green sandalwood. Suddenly, her scalp throbbed. The urgent, rough grip on her hair came to mind, and she shivered, but she didn’t show it.

Biting her lips tightly, she endured the sensation as if her scalp might be ripped out at any moment. Fortunately, the maid soon stopped brushing. Instead, she coiled the hair low and braided the rest neatly, then adorned it elegantly and gracefully with a hairpiece of pearls and diamonds. Her earrings were likewise long strands of diamonds and pearls. She watched the maid’s hand softly wiping the nape of her neck where the Emperor had bitten and torn.