Winter Bud - Chapter 19

To think she was a woman who betrayed the mistress who saved her life and cherished her like a sister…. That woman was her.

‘Disgusting.’

Nanna bit her twisted lips hard. She wanted to crawl into a rat hole. Even if the Emperor didn’t order her to leave, she wanted to. She wanted to vanish from Thea’s sight forever and never appear before her again. If she felt this way, how much more must the Emperor feel the same? Surely he shared her opinion.

“I understand what you’re saying.”

“Your Majesty.”

“But one day she’ll know.”

“C-couldn’t we keep it secret so she never knows? Her Majesty the Empress is frail, and after such an accident, if she finds out, she’ll be shocked. And then….”

“Your Majesty the Empress Dowager. His Majesty the Emperor is entering.”

The attendant cut off Nanna’s words neatly. Nanna was seized with instinctive terror. Though she wasn’t a child, her knees felt weak. She shot up from her seat, frozen pale. The Empress Dowager glanced at her, sighed lightly, and rose from her seat.

Before long, Orestes crossed his mother’s chamber. As if he already knew she was there, he didn’t even glance at her. Nanna was grateful for that. Meeting the Emperor’s gaze was torment.

She curtsied just as she had to his mother. The Emperor gave no order for her to rise. Instead, his mother seated Nanna back down.

“How’s Thea?”

The Empress Dowager asked the Emperor, who had dropped heavily into his chair. Nanna bowed her head low, biting her lips. She felt ashamed of the day she had stubbornly insisted she wouldn’t leave for the Western Palace without her children. If she had known this would happen, should she have agreed to be deposed quietly then? No, she wouldn’t have. Even now, she still clung to the hope of taking her children with her.

“She’s fine.”

“I heard she hasn’t grasped the situation.”

“That’s true.”

“How much have you told her?” asked the Empress Dowager.

The Emperor glanced at Nanna. She swallowed dryly. Her pulse throbbed wildly. Fighting the queasiness in her stomach, she clenched her fists tight.

“She knows time has passed.”

“I see.”

“It’s been eight years. Things can’t be the same as before.”

“…That’s true.”

Nanna tried to listen calmly to what the Emperor was saying. But whether it was cold sweat or something else, her forehead was drenched. Even if he didn’t say his thoughts aloud, she tried to read his intent between the lines. But it wasn’t easy. What did he want to say, what did he truly think….

“It’s good we cleaned the Western Palace.”

Suddenly, the Empress Dowager spoke. She smiled faintly even in the heavy atmosphere. Nanna thought of the Western Palace. Though she had never set foot there, she’d heard it had been neglected for so long it hardly seemed like a place people could live.

Even cleaned, the desolation wouldn’t vanish easily. Still, anywhere would be better than being at the Emperor’s side. Nanna imagined life in the Western Palace. Taking the children with her would be best, though in reality, she would have to give up Slan. As the Empress Dowager said, he was still the Crown Prince. And yet…. Nanna carefully parted her lips.

“Your Majesty. And Your Majesty the Empress Dowager. If possible, when I move to the Western Palace, may I also take the First Princess and the Second Prince….”

“Nanna.”

“I-it might not be good for Her Majesty the Empress.”

Nanna couldn’t bring herself to look at the Emperor, only trembling pale lips. The weight of his steady gaze felt suffocating. Clenching her hands tight, she blinked rapidly when suddenly the attendant’s clear voice rang out again.

“Thea?”

The First Empress—so she had to be called, for now—was announced, and Theodora turned with a somber face. Nanna raised her head in unease, then glanced at the Emperor. His expression was as composed as ever. Nanna dropped her gaze low again, overcome with dread.

The firmly shut door opened.

Stateira approached with graceful steps, looking down at Nanna in silence. She even seemed to forget to greet the Empress Dowager. Nanna broke into a cold sweat, lips trembling. Somehow, she felt it.

That woman knew everything. Stateira had come to know it all.

At that moment, Nanna rose and dropped to her knees on the floor.

“…Miss. Forgive me.”

Her nose stung. Her eyelids grew heavy and hot. She tried to say something, anything, but it felt like a burning coal was lodged in her throat. Tears spilled down. Stateira didn’t move her lips once. She only kept her eyes on Nanna.

“Nanna. Stand up now.”

The Empress Dowager, having guessed the situation to some degree, gave a quiet command, but Nanna shook her head. She had to beg Thea for forgiveness. Even if she would never receive it…. Nanna was the woman who had stolen her mistress’s man. Her face flushed red as she trembled violently. Her vision blurred, maybe because her face felt too hot.

Suddenly, Stateira turned her head and opened her lips.

“So what have you decided to do?”

The question wasn’t aimed at Nanna. Her eyes were on her husband. The Emperor, whom she thought would beg forgiveness like a man guilty of a mortal sin, didn’t flinch. She thought maybe he was the one who had explained everything. No, he must have been. At the very least, he wasn’t the kind of man to deceive Stateira with lies.

“She’s moving to the Western Palace.”

“You said that was already decided.”

Stateira’s voice was calmer than expected. What would have driven Nanna into wailing, shock, and terror, she accepted with composure. Then again, even when she had been surrounded at Everhardt Castle with her life hanging by a thread, Stateira hadn’t lost her reason. At times, she had even shown a lighthearted smile to ease her subordinates’ tension.

That was the kind of woman she was…. No, even so, she looked deathly pale now. Nanna wanted to die. The thought that she had wounded Stateira, betrayed her, and brought her to this dreadful situation made her want to throw herself from the window.

“Should divorce papers be prepared?”

“I said there’s no need.”

“If not? Then are there to be two Empresses in Falcomere?”

Stateira smiled slightly. Nanna finally understood what she was talking about. She was talking about Nanna’s position. Something she had never been obsessed with was now irritating her like a thorn. Nanna bit her lip, unsure how to convey what she wanted to say.

She didn’t care if she was deposed. She didn’t care if she was shut away in the Western Palace, even in a convent. The seat of the empress meant nothing to her. All she wanted was to sever ties with the Emperor as quickly as possible and never face him again. If she could live the rest of her life without ever seeing him, it didn’t matter where or under what name.

That was what she wanted to tell Stateira. That she had never tried to steal her place. That she had never once desired it. That while she loved the children, she hadn’t chosen to bear them. But….

‘Would she believe me?’

With a dazed look, Nanna gazed up at the woman. Stateira still hadn’t sat down, only stood there staring at the Emperor. Her noble face was chillingly expressionless. She still looked like someone who was ill, yet her eyes were sharp and keen.

“Karl.”

“She’ll be kept as a concubine.”

“What?”

It was an answer she hadn’t expected. Nanna too looked at him in shock. No, it felt like the ground beneath her had been scorched black until it finally gave way, dropping her into an endless fall. The tears welling in her eyes spilled down her cheeks. A concubine….

“Nanna was my maid.”

“She’s not just a maid anymore.”

“Karl.”

“She bore me children. What else could I call her?”

The Emperor was utterly composed. His clear, low voice was detached, but it didn’t mean he lacked affection for Stateira. For a moment, he even seemed to be soothing his wife.

Thea finally broke. She clenched her fists tight. It felt like she had slept just one night. But now they were saying eight years had passed. Eight years….

Nearly a decade had gone by. To her, it was as if only a single day had passed, and yet all that time was gone. Everything had changed beyond her grasp.

No, the husband and father she loved remained the same, but why was that child….