Time of the Blind Beast - Chapter 83

It was just before the end of the workday.

The military doctor, who had stayed behind in the examination room to finish organizing the daily records, looked up in surprise at the sudden sound of the door opening.

“Huh…?”

His eyes widened. The midnight visitor approaching with crisp footsteps was a famous figure that anyone in the military would recognize instantly.

Ezekiel Valdemaira.

The very man who had recently stirred up the entire Astrie region with various incidents had now appeared at the military hospital. According to the military doctor’s memory, even when injured in battle, Ezekiel had rarely visited the medical tents. He couldn’t hide his amazement as he looked up at the tall silhouette of the officer.

“What brings you here, sir?”

Despite his long absence, the major showed no signs of that gap. The military uniform still suited him elegantly.

If there was any notable change, it was the deeper shadows cast over his delicate features. Yet even that only added a profound touch to his natural aura without diminishing his striking appearance.

“I’d like a prescription for laudanum.”

“Excuse me?”

The military doctor scanned the officer’s slender yet solid physique with widened eyes. There wasn’t a single visible flaw, so hearing he needed painkillers naturally caused concern.

“Major, are you not fully recovered yet?”

The officer who had returned to duty after a long retreat was a crucial part of Astrie’s military strength. Having been entrusted with a special unit that operated independently was proof of the nation’s recognition of his abilities.

Though he technically held a subordinate position in the chain of command, Ezekiel Valdemaira had secured speaking rights during strategy meetings and autonomy over his company’s operations purely through his own achievements. His leadership had greatly contributed to the prestige of the 37th Regiment. Despite the commander of the nation’s most renowned unit having been absent for so long, both the royal family and the troops had awaited his return as one. Rumors even circulated openly that, if things continued smoothly, he would become the youngest general in history.

They had been relieved to see him return unchanged—but perhaps there were hidden issues.

“Is there a problem with your operated eyes?”

“None.”

Ezekiel accepted the laudanum from the military doctor as he replied, “I just haven’t been able to sleep.”

“Ah…”

The doctor nodded.

“It must be from everything you’ve gone through. Many severely injured soldiers suffer from long-term insomnia. They often say they fear falling asleep because of nightmares dragging them back to the battlefield. But I’ve heard that laudanum gives them worse nightmares. Will you be all right with it, Major?”

Ezekiel tucked the small bottle into his coat and tilted his head slightly before responding curiously.

“Why would that be a problem? The battlefield isn’t a nightmare to me.”

Well, someone who feared war wouldn’t have made such a name for himself with brilliant achievements. The doctor nodded in understanding.

“Still, it’s not good to become too dependent on the drug, so please stick to the dosage. Fifty drops a day at most is recommended.”

“I appreciate your concern, but I know the dosage that works for me.”

With Ezekiel’s casual reply, the military doctor didn’t press further and returned to his records.

Ezekiel left the hospital at a brisk pace. As night fell, his heart began to race. The night belonged to him and Rose. And to see Rose, laudanum was essential.

At first, he thought just seeing her once would be enough to quench his thirst.

That was a mistake.

Seeing her only made him burn for more. His heart felt like it was wearing down with every passing moment.

The decision came quickly. Hell either way—so he would choose the hell where Rose existed. At least that hell came with its own heaven.

He had emptied an emergency bottle of laudanum kept at the mansion in just a few days. Ordering more might prompt concern from the servants and possibly bring in a doctor, so Ezekiel decided to use the military hospital for now.

“Doesn’t even last long.”

Still, the tiny bottle was unsatisfying. The proper amount to dull pain was just a few drops, but that was far from enough. The ideal dosage was the amount that let him see Rose in his hallucinations. That was the dose he set.

Though a long-established habit kept him functioning mechanically during the day, it was only in the hazy mist where he met Rose that Ezekiel truly felt alive. With her there, his dulled senses sharpened, and faded emotions regained vibrant color.

“You’re late again today.”

“I’ve been busy since returning. Any new visitors?”

As soon as he returned to the Valdemaira mansion, Ezekiel asked the butler about Rose.

“A few red-haired women came by, but the errand boy checked their faces and said none of them were her. I made up excuses and sent them away, so you don’t need to worry.”

It seemed Merlot’s orders had done the trick. The errand boys who used to chase after Ezekiel daily, relaying messages about visitors to his office, had vanished. It was a relief not to waste time on false hope, but at the same time, the repetitive routine devoid of even a shred of expectation felt suffocating.

“Rose, do you really have no intention of coming back to me?”

So you’re fine living without seeing me.

While I can barely endure it.

Soaking in the warm bathwater, Ezekiel closed his eyes for a moment. In the gentle waves and the sweet scent of floral mint, he recalled the feeling of holding Rose for the first time. The damp, slippery skin, the soft trembles he felt every time he touched his lips to her, and her slightly quickened breaths.

Whenever he pressed his lips to the nape of her neck and slowly licked downward, she would stiffen and tremble intensely.

Rose’s scent easily absorbed fragrances due to her faint natural scent, often carrying traces of her day. On days she made lemon tea, she smelled of fresh lemons; when she simmered fruit compote, she gave off a rich fruity aroma; and on days they bathed together, an intoxicatingly dense floral scent lingered. Though they used the same bathwater, Rose’s scent always seemed sweeter.

Ezekiel leaned his head back, surrendering his senses to the darkness while suppressing his vision. Suddenly, it felt as if he had returned to the past—back when he was blind but Rose was always beside him.

He reached out into empty space, trying to sense her.

If only time could stop with his eyes closed like this.

His yearning led Ezekiel into the world of unconsciousness. He sank into a daydream.

He must have spent quite a while lost in his reverie. As the bathwater cooled, clarity abruptly returned.

Ezekiel slowly opened his eyes. The light daydream hadn’t revived Rose’s touch. A distant emptiness surged over him like hunger.

“Wait for me, Rose. I’ll come see you soon.”

It’s still okay. I still have a way to reach you.

After drying off his damp body, Ezekiel sat on the bed and took the prescribed drug.

Now he was fully prepared to end his day.

“Rose, come here.”

The hazy intoxication of opium once again brought Rose right before Ezekiel. He reached toward her silhouette. He couldn’t bear to wait even a second. He pulled her into his arms at once.

He longed to bury his face in her soft, heaving chest and breathe in her scent deeply. He wanted to touch her sleek hair with his lips and feel its texture. After thoroughly savoring every part of Rose, he wanted to thrust himself deep into her tight, narrow space. He wanted to fall asleep, their bodies joined as one. The mere thought caused heat to surge between his legs.

Because he had experienced all of it before, the yearning only grew stronger. Ezekiel knew all too well how warmly Rose embraced him. In the pitch darkness, when he explored her soft body deeply, her muffled moans would drift to his ears.

“Rose, you’re so cruel to me.”

Trapping Rose’s silhouette beneath him, Ezekiel muttered bitterly.

“You only show yourself when I can’t see you, and now that I can, you show me nothing.”

How am I supposed to see your face?

He lowered his half-closed eyes to gaze at Rose.

His vision, blurred by alcohol and opium, shimmered. The face of Rose, with red hair and green eyes—one he had never truly seen—flickered faintly before him.

Even just a glimpse is enough. Let me know you.

Without blinking, Ezekiel focused on her face. He had longed to see it so badly, he had traced it with his fingertips and imagined it hundreds, thousands of times.

With all his might, he strained his sight to break through the blank space that covered her face.

Tonight, I will see you.

I will see you no matter what.

Isn’t it said that there’s nothing human will cannot achieve? Ezekiel repeated and repeated to himself:

I can see you.