Time of the Blind Beast - Chapter 79

At the gently dropped preamble, Lisanne gazed at the man with eyes full of doubt.

She didn’t know what he meant.

She didn’t know what his intention was.

“Let me start with this. A release with a warning isn’t possible. Your crime is far too clear.”

She didn’t deny the charge Merlot pointed out. She didn’t wear an aggrieved expression, nor did she seem inclined to make excuses. No matter what was said, she simply accepted it as her due.

Watching her reaction, so lacking in emotion, Merlot ruffled his hair into a mess.

“Why did I have to be the one to run that errand that day…”

He lamented alone. It would’ve been better if it hadn’t been him the butler sent on that errand. He had no need to set foot in the detention center, and now he had ended up learning a secret he would have been better off never knowing for the rest of his life.

“I still don’t know what kind of person you really are.”

He had come here intending to have a calm, rational conversation, but the gap between the woman he had seen at Derosa and the woman he found in the detention center was too vast. His confusion wouldn’t settle. If they could at least have a conversation, exchanging questions and answers, it might help him sort out his thoughts—but that was impossible too, and the topic bounced around without focus.

“You seem like a terribly frightening person, like someone impossible to read, and yet… sometimes you seem like someone who couldn’t quite ignore her last shred of conscience. To be honest, if I were in your position, I wouldn’t have even dreamed of showing up in front of him. I would’ve run—far, far away. I would’ve planned to hide from Valdemaira for the rest of my life.”

But the woman before him had gone to Ezekiel. She had lived beside the man she had blinded, through winter, spring, summer, and now autumn nearing winter.

“Do you realize how enormous a deception that was?”

Even in the face of Merlot’s reproach, the woman merely nodded. She stubbornly insisted she was healthy, but anyone could see she was gravely ill. Staring blankly at her sickly pale face, Merlot let out a long sigh.

“But… I also know how hard you tried to help him at Derosa.”

A promising officer had lost his sight and was driven into a state worse than death. She had, in a way, socially killed Ezekiel.

Yet the woman had worked to make amends for her crime. She must have known just how dangerous her situation would become if Ezekiel ever opened his eyes. Moreover, though she had gained his love and trust, she could have quietly manipulated things and remained a ‘good person’ in the eyes of the blind man, living comfortably—but instead, she had faithfully done her part as his helper.

Ezekiel regaining his sight had been more than a recovery—it was a rebirth of his life. Could it be said that she had no part in that?

“…Madam Serva, and the others at the Derosa estate, believe that you saved him. They think he couldn’t have returned to the main house so quickly if you hadn’t shown up at just the right time to help. This contradiction gives me such a headache.”

After devoting nearly a year to saving him, the woman had vanished without a word, and now she was imprisoned, paying a new price for her sins.

“So I’m thinking of speaking to His Excellency.”

After the long preamble, he finally got to the point.

Lisanne’s eyes tensed.

“Of course, you’re a criminal publicly declared by Valdemaira. But since you did contribute to his recovery, it can’t be said you have no merit. If I explain the circumstances, His Excellency might commute your sentence to life labor instead of execution.”

It was a suggestion to at least save her life. Lisanne was a little surprised by the unexpected offer of kindness.

As she hesitated to respond, Merlot’s quiet whisper continued to fill the silence.

“Still, isn’t living—however it may be—better than dying? Not for your sake, but for his. If he ever finds out who killed you… I don’t even want to imagine it. Who would take responsibility for what comes after?”

The dangerous possibility Merlot hinted at brought Lisanne back to her senses in an instant. It was like a splash of cold water. She turned pale.

She had no certainty that the head of Valdemaira would extend her any mercy, and even if he did, there was no guarantee that Ezekiel—who harbored undeniable resentment toward her—would be persuaded to let her live. If, by chance, her secret were to slip into his hands—

“You shouldn’t make convenient decisions on your own when I haven’t given my consent. We still have some unfinished business, don’t we?”

“Must be Akenaus’s child, huh?”

She had already hurt him deeply, and in return, been hurt just as deeply. Was there any need to inflict more wounds now? Even Merlot, who had come all the way to find her out of some consideration for their brief acquaintance in Derosa, recognized her deception. Naturally, Ezekiel himself would be swept up in even greater confusion.

She had already tormented him enough. She had no strength left to endure the aftermath of what might come next.

It was better that he never knew her identity. For that to happen, she had to remain nothing more than the criminal who had harmed Ezekiel Valdemaira.

Lisanne looked up at Merlot. Holding his gaze, she calmly shook her head.

“You’re saying… not to do it?”

Merlot couldn’t believe his eyes. Disbelieving what he saw, he asked again.

“You don’t want to live?”

Who wouldn’t want to live, if life and death were all there was to consider?

But this had long since ceased to be a matter of life and death.

The one memory she had left untouched in hopes it would remain beautiful—if the truth came to light, it would be tarnished and fade. He would tremble with betrayal. He, who had sharpened his teeth with vengeance, would be cast down once again upon learning that he had whispered love and shared warmth with the woman who had made him that way.

Moreover, if Lisanne didn’t shoulder everything alone, her aging parents would be forced to pay the price with their worn bodies.

Lisanne glanced sideways at the older inmates around her. As she imagined her family’s faces overlaid with theirs, the conclusion was clear.

It was a hundred times better for her to enter the detention center alone.

She hid her faintly trembling body beneath the blanket. Calming the unrest within her heart, she shook her head once more.

She did not wish to be saved.

Ezekiel must never know who she truly was.

“Truly?”

Even when Merlot asked a second and third time, her gaze didn’t waver. It was clear she had already made a firm decision.

That she would remain in the detention center and pay for her crimes.

“…Alright. I understand.”

Merlot accepted her decision and stood up.

He had done what he could.

They had spoken a few times in Derosa, and she had helped him once—so he had taken it upon himself to overstep and do what he could. In his own way, he had preserved his dignity.

“Ha… This really is… how should I put it.”

But as the moment of farewell arrived, Merlot stumbled over his words.

“I’ve been through many goodbyes, but this is the first time I’ve been so utterly speechless. ‘Take care’ doesn’t seem fitting, and ‘see you again’…”

That too could only be said if she were to live. Knowing full well what end awaited her, voicing it aloud felt too cruel. Merlot swallowed the rest of his words.

“It would’ve been nice if our farewell at the Derosa mansion had been the last. I truly thought you’d live on normally and diligently after leaving there. I meant it.”

Normal. Diligent. Well.

Not one of those words fit her anymore. Lisanne bit down on her lip. From the moment she had come to terms with her crime, she had long abandoned all expectations for her future.

“But there’s something I’ve been wondering.”

Just before he left without leaving a proper goodbye, Merlot turned slightly and looked back at Lisanne.

“Don’t you have any regrets?”

Regret? Was he asking if she regretted refusing his offer to save her?

The question was vague. Seeing the puzzled expression on her face, Merlot clarified.

“Ah… I mean, about saving him. I know it’s not the kind of thought one should have while serving in that household, but… seeing how things turned out, I wondered if you might regret your past choices. If you could go back in time, wouldn’t you make a different decision?”

Lisanne quietly stared at her shadow.

Well… if she could go back in time… would she turn away from him then? Would she hide from Valdemaira, praying that her sin never came to light?

Surprisingly, the answer came easily.

Probably not.

Even if given the chance to change her past with the knowledge she had now, she would still board that rickety carriage and head for Derosa.

And inevitably, she would fall in love with him.

Even knowing it would lead to ruin.