Time of the Blind Beast - Chapter 47

How could she possibly put this feeling into words?

It was a horrifying experience.

As she stared into the very eyes she had damaged, Rose tensed every moment, anxiously anticipating what Dr. Brehman might say. It felt like awaiting punishment. Even though she had gone through it before, there was no growing used to it. Rather, the guilt only intensified with time.

While Dr. Brehman administered the antidote he had developed by inferring what kind of toxin might have been involved based on Ezekiel’s symptoms, Ezekiel clutched Rose’s hand like a lifeline and endured without a single groan. Even Dr. Brehman praised her, saying that Ezekiel’s stability during the procedure was thanks to her presence.

Only Rose stood frozen like a statue. She trembled so much, and pushed herself so hard not to show it—lest he notice—that by the end of the examination, she ran straight to the restroom and dry-heaved.

Though the aftermath left her body weak and drained, she had no time to rest.

Rose stared blankly at a sheet of stationery, with only the recipient’s name written at the top, and wiped her sweaty palm on her skirt. It was the letter to be sent to Ezekiel’s father through Merlot. Since they had secured a postponement of the verdict, they were obligated to share Derosa’s situation with Claris.

Moreover, because Valdemaira was reportedly being pressured over Ezekiel’s position—due to the loss of the ‘King’s Army’ commander—she needed to request more time to ensure Ezekiel could retain his position a while longer.

She had to write it in the most composed script possible, suppress all emotion, and include only objective facts. To do that, she first needed to calm her chaotic heart. She breathed as steadily as she could.

“Rose.”

But no amount of effort could withstand the power of Ezekiel’s voice.

Concealing her unrest, Rose turned to him.

Ezekiel had a cold, damp towel over his eyes, per Dr. Brehman’s instructions, to reduce the pain, swelling, and heat.

“It’s too quiet. What are you doing?”

“A letter…”

Rose glanced sidelong at the name “Valdemaira,” which she had written so carefully.

“I was writing a reply to the report.”

“To send to Montcalm?”

“Yes.”

Such small lies came easily now. There had been so many tiny deceptions that they no longer even felt like lies.

“Right, about that reply.”

“Do you have new instructions?”

“Tell Montcalm to postpone his visit to the mansion.”

“Ah, what?”

It was an unexpected relief. Rose’s eyes widened before she quietly exhaled. She didn’t know why Ezekiel had suddenly changed his mind, but she was grateful to avoid facing Captain Montcalm, at least for now.

Before she could ask, Ezekiel gave an explanation. “Davis is watching us warily. We need to prove the King’s Army is still operational, even if just for a day. Calling the company together and preparing for military training takes priority.”

“Just a moment. Let me take that down.”

Ezekiel listened as Rose moved. The soft scratch of her pen against the paper was a calming sound.

He didn’t bother mentioning the other reason he was putting off Montcalm’s visit.

He didn’t want to show Rose to another man.

Dr. Brehman was older, well into middle age, but Montcalm was young—and handpicked from among the best in his company, someone Ezekiel trusted enough to leave in charge of his affairs.

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust either of them, but rather that it gnawed at him that others had seen what he hadn’t—her face, her handwriting. She belonged to him, was closest to him, yet in this damned blind state, he had to rely on other people’s accounts. It drove him mad. He always wanted to be the first to know her virtues, to admire her before anyone else.

Even if it was childish, it was his honest truth.

“Anyway, it’s hard to keep pursuing that woman with only the clues we have. Since her whole family fled together, it’s unlikely she stayed in school comfortably. For now, I need to focus on treatment. And once it’s done, I’ll personally lead the search to hunt her down.”

“Yes, I’ll pass it along as is.”

Rose calmly took down his instructions.

Having revealed half his intent out loud, Ezekiel tucked away the other half—his feelings for Rose—deep inside. It wasn’t time yet.

He planned to tell her one day, once he regained his sight. With a smile, he would confess that he had always felt that way about her.

You probably didn’t know, but I was never at ease when it came to you.

I waited for the day I could look at you directly and speak honestly.

You’ve protected me all this time, so now I want to protect you and spend my life repaying you.

I want to love you no longer in darkness but in light—that’s what I’ve always hoped for.

With a heartfelt confession long buried within him, he would slip a ring on her finger and propose.

To do that, he had to regain his sight as soon as possible.

The impatience was already pressing down.

Even if the pain grew worse, that was fine. Even if it took a long time, that too was fine. Even if his vision didn’t return perfectly, it didn’t matter—as long as he could just barely make out her face.

Ezekiel pressed his stinging eyelids with the back of his hand.

***

Dr. Brehman visited the mansion twice a week. Madam Serva offered him a guest room so he could focus on Ezekiel’s treatment, but the doctor declined, citing the many other patients under his care.

Thus, Rose’s role became even more important.

After Dr. Brehman finished his sessions and left, all follow-up responsibilities fell to her. She closely observed for any abnormal symptoms and tended to Ezekiel’s discomfort, even when he said nothing. She studied the medical books the doctor had left behind, comparing symptoms related to poisoning. Meanwhile, she continued drafting letters to Claris to update them on the situation.

Merlot would take her letters, confirm Ezekiel’s condition for his brief reports, and depart for Claris.

“How is Lord Ezekiel?”

“The detox has only just begun, so we can’t say anything definite. But the treatment is going well.”

“The chamberlain and everyone else here has been so tense the past few days they could barely breathe. You really aren’t ordinary, miss.”

Rather than respond, Rose changed the subject.

“…I wrote this in the letter too, but please be sure to relay to His Excellency that it’s imperative to maintain the Major’s position. There’s a reason his company became known as the King’s Army, representing the 37th Regiment. That position also symbolizes Valdemaira’s prestige. It must be preserved.”

“My ears are going to start bleeding. Alright, alright, I got it. Honestly, you seem more worried about him losing his rank than he does. I’m sure His Excellency intends to protect him for now thanks to your assurance. Oh, and let me know if you need anything. Even if Valdemaira can’t acknowledge your existence, they should at least compensate you somewhat for your efforts and sacrifices.”

Rose didn’t answer.

She had never once considered any material reward. That wasn’t why she had come.

What she wanted was something no one could give her.

The only person who might have had the power to offer it… probably never would.

Because Ezekiel would never forgive her deceit.

Unlike her lost conviction, the days passed steadily in one direction.

In the secluded mansion of Derosa, she saw Merlot off and welcomed Dr. Brehman.

The doctor arrived early in the morning and held his sessions with Ezekiel in the drawing room, which they used as a makeshift clinic. Ezekiel always entered with Rose.

It was, without fail, a confrontation with her past.

Too many people were at fault in harming one person. Her parents, unable to relinquish the ambition of educating their daughter. Akenaus, who held them hostage and forced her to carry poison.

None of them could escape responsibility.

Yet, no matter whom she recalled, her own guilt stood tallest.

She had been the one to act in the end.

She had no right to blame anyone.

She resented who she had been that day.

She hated “Rose.”

So very much.