Time of the Blind Beast - Chapter 17

There had been times when she wondered.

What did this man think when he met with doctors? Did he wait for their diagnoses with any hope? Wasn’t he exhausted by now?

Rose had witnessed more doctors than she could count on one hand. Ezekiel had been seeing them regularly since winter. He had gone through days like today countless times.

He would hope, just in case, and then be disappointed, again and again. And yet, every time a new doctor came, there would be a faint flicker of hope. But by now, that hope had all but faded.

“To be honest, I already know my future.”

His tone abruptly fell, cold and detached. The shift in his mood was sharp and unmistakable.

“The doctors will leave. The maids and servants will disappear, too, within weeks or months. In the end, the only person who will remain by my side is Serva. But even she believes she doesn’t have much time left. You can tell by how tirelessly she keeps bringing in new doctors. I guarantee you, the person who can’t let go of my eyes the most isn’t me—it’s Serva. But how long can she really delay the inevitable?”

He had clearly imagined it many times—the day when Madam Serva would pass away, leaving him alone. When he would lose not only his sight but everyone around him, cut off from the world.

When that day came, he would have no hesitation in destroying his eyes completely.

After all, it wouldn’t be the first time.

“There was even a time when his men had to physically restrain him from trying to gouge his own eyes out…”

What had just happened was no different.

When she saw him reach for his eyes earlier, Madam Serva’s warning flashed through Rose’s mind, and she had thrown herself forward without a second thought.

The back of his hand, hardened from years of training, bulged with veins even under the slightest tension. It was a hand capable of great strength, enough to harm himself if he wanted to.

She had been truly terrified. Afraid that, overwhelmed by rage and disappointment, he might actually tear out his eyes. His body, already marked by countless scars from war, could soon bear a new, gaping wound.

The trembling wouldn’t stop.

“If they had just killed me, I wouldn’t be filled with this much hatred.”

“Thanks to that woman, who turned me into a cripple, a living corpse, mocking me all the while, I’m now neither truly alive nor dead.”

His deep resentment echoed through the room.

She had no words to defend herself, nor any way to offer a solution.

How could she ease the devastation he felt?

“…If you completely lose your sight, who do you think would be happiest about it?”

It took all the courage Rose had to even mention Akenaus. Just thinking of him made her stomach churn; she couldn’t bring herself to say his name aloud.

Slowly, color returned to the man’s pale face.

“Akenaus.”

As expected, Akenaus was the first name that came to his mind.

“Akenaus Valdemaira. And that woman, too.”

That woman.

His unwavering hatred toward her made Rose’s heart ache, but she pretended not to notice. For now, she needed him to hold onto that hatred. It was the strongest emotion keeping him going. Her own grievance paled in comparison. After all, her parents had committed wrongs without facing consequences, and Akenaus had even left her a considerable fortune as compensation.

“You’re right,” Rose replied slowly, fearing her voice might tremble. “It’s unfair, isn’t it? They’re probably living comfortably without a second thought for your situation, while you’re here, harming yourself and suffering in a place where no one can see you.”

Her tone was calm, a steady, low voice that often gave off an air of serenity.

Ezekiel had always thought there was something strangely compelling about her voice. In hindsight, he had felt that way ever since their first meeting. If Rose had screamed in a shrill voice or begged through sobs, he would never have stopped doubting her and would have treated her much more harshly.

But she had spoken to him calmly then, just as she was now, quietly persuading him.

“…You’re right. Self-destruction is not the answer. But at least mutual destruction is.”

Ezekiel stared at the all-encompassing darkness before him. In the vast night, there wasn’t even a faint shadow. It was perfect, absolute blackness—nothingness. No matter how many times he looked, it was an unreal sight.

“Dr. Brehman.”

Even so, he could still discern the presence of the doctor cloaked in the darkness.

“When you said it would be clumsy, it means you’ve thought of a method, doesn’t it? What is it?”

A flicker of unease passed over Dr. Brehman’s face, but Ezekiel couldn’t see it. Instead, he waited for the answer, unable to read the signals from others, growing impatient.

“It’s not something I would call a ‘method.’ It’s merely an attempt.”

“Too much talking.”

“…It’s exactly as I said. The idea is to try all kinds of antidotes while observing your condition and applying various stimuli to see if your senses can be restored.”

An attempt, not a method. As Rose pondered the carefully chosen word, she asked, “…Does it work?”

“There’s no way to know. I have no predictions or confidence about its effectiveness or outcome. Furthermore, there’s a chance you could lose what little sensation you have left. In that case, you would completely lose your eyes. To be honest, I think that’s the more likely outcome. And even if it works, we wouldn’t know which part of the attempt was effective.”

It was essentially a gamble. The diagnosis and treatment were vague. Even the doctor was pessimistic.

Rose questioned further. “Isn’t that just human experimentation?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Then it’s too dangerous…”

“That sounds promising.”

Her voice was instantly cut off. Rose fell silent for a moment.

Even though they had heard the same explanation, their conclusions were different. Dr. Brehman, too, couldn’t hide his surprise at Ezekiel’s calm acceptance.

“It’s not that other doctors haven’t thought of this. They simply didn’t mention it because there was no chance of success.”

“And yet, you’re mentioning it to me now, aren’t you?”

Rose stared at Ezekiel in disbelief. “Are you seriously considering it?”

“There’s no reason not to.”

Dr. Brehman replied, “It will be painful. I don’t know how long it will take, but it certainly won’t be quick. And I can’t take any responsibility for the outcome, whatever it may be. You’ll have to guarantee that no one holds me accountable.”

Agreeing to undergo a prolonged, painful, and uncertain treatment with the patient bearing all the risk—it was essentially a warning not to proceed.

No patient would want to hear such an irresponsible diagnosis from their doctor.

“You certainly know how to pique my interest.”

But Ezekiel’s response was without hesitation.

“Dangerous battles are my specialty. It’s the commander’s job to come up with strategies that maximize the chance of victory in unfavorable conditions. I’ve always taken responsibility for my battles.”

He added, “And I’ve never lost a fight.”

“Major,” Rose quickly intervened, trying to dissuade him. “You should consult Madam Serva first.”

The doctor himself had admitted that the chance of failure was higher than success. This wasn’t right. It shouldn’t be done. Surely, Madam Serva would never agree to such a reckless gamble.

“Why? Do you think I’ll lose?”

Her words caught in her throat.

She felt anxious, confused. Her heart pounded like a warning drum, echoing through her veins.

She couldn’t control these feelings. There was fear of the consequences if the attempt failed, but there was also fear of what might happen if, against all odds, Ezekiel’s sight was restored…

If he saw her face again.

If he discovered that the woman he had sent his men to search for had been by his side all along.

What would happen then?

A chill ran down her spine.

If a person’s life were a book, Ezekiel’s pages were currently filled with nothing but empty space. His life had stalled, each day meaningless, filled only with pain and the reliance on drugs and alcohol to endure it.

Rose bitterly admitted to herself.

He wouldn’t forgive her.

He would seek revenge.

She would do the same if she were him.

“Even I believe the young lady’s suggestion makes sense. Wouldn’t it be better to think this through more carefully?”

It was Dr. Brehman who took Rose’s words to heart.

“Even if I think it over, will that change your method?”

“No, but…”

“Then there’s no point in waiting. We’ll leave it to fate—both yours and mine.”

Even while making what was essentially a gamble, Ezekiel somehow seemed almost relieved.

“Whether I recover or completely lose my sight, it’s time to end this, don’t you think?”