Time of the Blind Beast - Chapter 129

…When will I finally receive an answer? At this rate, without even seeing his face once, would winter arrive just like that?

The endless wait suddenly pressed against her chest, suffocating.

Lisanne stopped writing her letter and set down her fountain pen.

“Where are you going, Miss?”

“I’ll take a walk to the lake to get some air.”

Perhaps she had sat and written too many letters.

Lisanne’s days were always the same. She would wake in the morning, eat a light meal, write letters, teach the children, write letters, have lunch, write letters, then read books or stroll through the garden before dinner, and then write letters again. All the while, she imagined what Ezekiel might be doing at that hour.

What was he seeing, what was he eating, what was he saying, what was he thinking?

She wrote down every little detail of her own daily life, yet the only news of Ezekiel came through the courier’s lips.

He was always a busy man. For a long while, he had been bedridden and unable to write replies, and now that he was recovering, he was constantly summoned day and night with piled-up official duties. He likely had no time even to read all the letters she sent, let alone write back. Unlike Lisanne, who passed her days leisurely, doing whatever she wished in a mansion that guaranteed all comfort, his life was packed with relentless duty.

“It will be dinnertime soon.”

“I’ll be back quickly.”

Lisanne reassured Anna and left the mansion.

Come to think of it, they had said there was a lake at the Valdemaira estate too.

When Lisanne had suffered from lethargy and depression lingering from her time in the detention center, lying still like an inanimate object, Ezekiel had encouraged her to take walks in various places to lift her spirits.

“I never saw it, not once…”

Back then, she had been so weary in body and mind she could hardly even hear his words. Her vision had narrowed, her ears rang. Every day felt like she was just barely holding back tears.

The Valdemaira estate, which she had only wished to escape from as quickly as possible, she now found herself wanting to return to on her own feet. She had changed so much.

She had wandered such a long and winding road before arriving at this day; she had never imagined.

She realized anew. Happiness and peace do not arrive in a sharp, clear form like misfortune. Once, she had writhed in pain, trembled in fear, endured days upon days, even fallen to the very bottom where not even screams could escape. She had certainly lived through all of that…

But at some point, reflecting on the past no longer felt terrifying. Rather than resent the young, foolish self she had been, she wanted to embrace and comfort that self, to say she had endured well.

And then, sometimes, she would realize in astonishment.

Ah, right now, I am alright.

I have become alright.

Lost in thought as she walked, she eventually reached the lake.

Perhaps because it was close to dinnertime, there was no one around. Lisanne stood by the water’s edge, watching the sunset reflected on the lake.

Perhaps because the sun set in the west, sunsets there were especially beautiful. The blazing red light, burning itself away, seemed to display the day’s life force in its most vivid form.

Lisanne narrowed her eyes against the dazzling light and raised her hand. Watching the sinking sun through the gap of her fingers, the gemstone, struck by the brilliant light, shone even redder. It was as if all the splendor of the world was aflame on her finger.

Wow…

Lisanne gazed in awe at the ring as she slipped it off her finger.

And then it happened. Her hand slipped, and the ring fell. She tried to grab it quickly, but her fingers only brushed it aside, sending ripples across the lake’s surface. Her heart dropped.

“Oh, heavens.”

Fortunately, the ring fell close to the edge of the lake. She could reach it by stepping in a few paces. Lisanne took off her shoes and tied her skirt up to her knees.

“From now on, I’ll never take it off my finger.”

Scolding herself for her carelessness, she cautiously moved to dip her feet into the cold water. But suddenly, someone stepped past her, splashing into the lake, and picked up the ring.

Then, without hesitation, he threw it far away.

The ring vanished in an instant, leaving only a fleeting sparkle.

Lisanne couldn’t even scream. Her mind had gone completely blank.

The shock, stuck on her tongue, faded without becoming sound.

“Lisanne.”

The man who had so easily thrown away the ring strode back toward her.

Lisanne froze in place, mouth half-open.

The sudden appearance of this man was shocking enough, but that he would so carelessly toss aside her precious engagement ring—she had no idea what to be more astonished at.

“…Ezekiel?”

How was he here?

And why had he thrown the ring?

How could he show up only to startle her like this…

“Why are you standing there like that? Aren’t you happy to see me?”

Ezekiel flashed a playful smile at her, who remained frozen in place.

“Really…”

“Hm?”

“…Is this real?”

She first had to question whether this man’s presence was only a dream or an illusion.

“If you’re curious, check for yourself.”

With a wide grin, Ezekiel lifted Lisanne into his arms at the water’s edge. She gasped in surprise and instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck.

“In your letters, you always said you were well, but that was a lie, wasn’t it? You’re still so thin.”

“What happened? And your body? The injuries… do they still hurt?”

“They’re completely healed.”

“And the scars?”

Bullets had pierced his forearm and thigh, and a knife had struck his abdomen so deeply the hilt had touched his skin. Lisanne still vividly remembered the spy’s vicious hand twisting the blade with the intent to kill him.

“I’m fine.”

Though he had hovered at death’s door, he never showed Lisanne a trace of his suffering.

If he had not been such a strong man, his wounds wouldn’t have been surprising even if they had killed him.

Lisanne slid her palm down his forearm. She touched his solid shoulder, then traced the bulging muscles of his arm before moving her hand to the chest that firmly held her, and Ezekiel whispered softly.

“If you keep touching me like that, it’ll get troublesome.”

His breathing had grown a little heavier.

Only then did Lisanne become aware of their surroundings and withdraw her hand.

“You should have stayed home. Then I could have proven long ago just how fine I really am.”

At first, she thought he was joking, but no matter how she replayed it, his tone was not one of jest.

At home, with her family and Anna and the servants all there, what on earth was he planning from this early evening?

Embarrassed, Lisanne squirmed in his arms. “I’m heavy, so put me down now.”

If it had only been for a short while, she would have let it go, but Ezekiel showed no sign of putting her down as they shared their reunion.

“Heavy? You? Unless you suddenly triple in size, that’s impossible.”

His reply was calm and certain.

Like this, before even returning home, they would surely be seen by someone, and more loudly than the ring, news would spread across the town.

Flustered, Lisanne turned back to the lake. She had nearly forgotten.

“Oh, right. The ring. Why did you throw it?”

“To make a wish.”

“What?”

“They say here you throw coins and make wishes.”

“…You throw coins, not rings.”

“It’s a wish that must come true.”

“Still, that’s…”

“The more precious the wish, the more it deserves a matching price.”

Good grief. Lisanne clicked her tongue in her heart.

This man had read all her letters.

In a way, it reassured her. Though for a moment she had even wondered if throwing away the engagement ring meant he wanted to cancel the marriage, that secret she would keep for life.

“Still, who throws away a true treasure? That gemstone can’t be found anywhere else.”

“I’ll be happy with you forever. For that, it was cheap.”

Ezekiel whispered as he brushed his lips gently against her cheek.

“The price of turning human finiteness into eternity.”

“What if someone finds out?”

“Who? Other than you and me, no one will ever know that at the bottom of this lake lies our eternity, unbroken and everlasting.”

Really, what was she to do with this man?

He startled her, flustered her, yet in the end always moved her heart.

Lisanne couldn’t help but laugh.

“Just looking at your face, no one would ever think it, but sometimes you seem more romantic than me.”

“You’re the only romance in my life, of course I am.”

There was not the slightest doubt in his answer. But then Ezekiel closed his mouth for a moment, before adding in a lower tone.

“And somehow, I still feel like you suffered because of that ring.”

“What do you mean?”

“They called it the Blood Diamond, and it really almost killed you. Even now, when I think of you being dragged away by those men, my blood runs cold. Burying them twice over in that frozen mountain wouldn’t be enough.”

Lisanne’s eyes widened. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“There’s no harm in believing. From now on, anything connected to you, I’ll choose with the utmost care. That’s why this time it took so long, searching for a jewel safe and clean, without any ominous rumors.”

At the lakeside at sunset, Ezekiel gently set Lisanne down and knelt before her.

He was a man who had never fallen even after being stabbed, not until his enemy collapsed first. And yet, before her, he lowered himself without hesitation.

“I can’t wait any longer. I don’t want to wait. Through the long months of rehabilitation, I endured only by imagining myself running to you. This will be the last time we’re apart. Never again will I let you leave me.”

Lisanne felt the same.

She, too, had endured with the conviction that their separation was over, that they would no longer waste time in regret.

“Lisanne.”

The weight carried in his voice was different from usual.

“Did I once promise that I would take responsibility for you? That was nonsense. I was foolish and didn’t know anything. I was wrong. You’re the one who must take responsibility for me. You can live without me, but I can’t live without you. So it’s right that you take responsibility for me.”

Ezekiel took a small box from his breast and slid the prepared ring onto her finger as he continued.

“Give me the right to see your smile closest of all, the right to hear your voice nearest of all. Give me the duty, as your husband, to always protect you first and make you happy. Give me the chance to share happiness with you. I think it’s fortunate that there exists a word that can define these complicated feelings I have. If there weren’t, my heart would have burst in frustration for not being able to express them.”

I know.

It’s love.

Lisanne gazed down at the ring. Even though she had expected this moment to come soon, her heart swelled.

As he claimed rights and duties and opportunities as her husband, what could she offer in return?

“Then what should I do?”

“You…”

Ezekiel breathed out the wish he had long carried.

“Just love me. That’s all I need.”

With only her love, he could become anything she wanted him to be. Even a blind beast, if that was what she wished.

“That’s far too obvious.”

Lisanne answered his yearning with her confession.

“I have always loved you. I love you now, and I will go on loving you always.”

Their lips, having pledged their love, sought each other.

Even simply sharing breath was thrilling and overwhelming. The sweetness of the moment made her want to bind it so it would last forever, yet at the same time, she looked forward eagerly to tomorrow.

You are the one who makes this life more meaningful.

Like the sun that rises again tomorrow without fail, like the lake that stays steadfast in its place, unshaken. Until the hidden sparkle beneath this lake is gone, forever.

We will live each day filled completely by each other’s existence.

-End of Part 2-

Thank you for being with “Time of the Blind Beast” until now.

[References]

Eleanor Herman, The Royal Art of Poison, trans. Sophy, 2021, Hyundae Jiseong

Thomas De Quincey, Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, trans. Kim Myungbok, 2012, Penguin Classics Korea