Time of the Blind Beast - Chapter 113

When she sat by the window and looked down, she often saw a man walking slowly through the garden holding Paulina’s hand. Unlike Ezekiel, who, even after losing his sight, memorized the entire structure and layout of his surroundings and strode about with the speed of someone who could still see, Paulina’s husband had accepted his blindness and adapted perfectly to that life.

“Miss Lisanne?”

Lisanne, who had been about to quietly step back, froze when the man called her name so precisely. Perhaps not as much as Ezekiel, but Paulina’s husband also seemed to have developed sharp hearing, as he identified Lisanne’s position with fair accuracy.

“Hmm…”

The man smiled awkwardly.

“I thought about how to greet you naturally, but honestly, nothing came to mind. In the end, I decided it would be better to just acknowledge you. After all, I already know who you are, Miss Lisanne, and in truth, you probably know me either. Ah, my name is Ethan.”

Ethan tapped the ground lightly with the end of his cane as if offering a handshake.

Lisanne hesitated.

How could she express that she wasn’t in the mood to exchange greetings with a stranger? If he could see, he might have noticed her hesitation or her downward gaze and withdrawn, but unfortunately, the man named Ethan standing before her had no way of picking up on such indirect signals.

Should she wait until Anna returned?

Ah, but Anna probably wouldn’t be back until some time had passed.

She decided she would at least make the sound of footsteps, pretending to walk away. Lisanne forced strength into her heels and had taken a few steps when—

“Other people act like the world has ended just because you lost your voice, but isn’t it actually a bit of a relief for you, Miss Lisanne?”

The unexpected question froze her steps.

At the abrupt silence, Ethan smiled gently. “Sorry if I startled you. And I didn’t mean it as something wrong about you. Actually, I’m the same way.”

He spoke in a friendly tone.

“My wife calls me an optimist, but really, I’m just drifting through life like in a dream.”

His cane scraped lightly over the stone path as he searched for direction.

“Would you like to sit for a bit? I’m sure there was a bench around here somewhere… though I can’t quite remember. Even though my wife and I have walked this garden countless times, I still can’t recall where everything is. Well, the estate is so large, that’s part of it.”

Lisanne looked at him for a moment, then walked ahead toward the bench. Since he couldn’t see, she felt obliged to guide him.

She had learned only after coming to Valdemaira’s main estate that in truly vast gardens, benches were placed here and there to let people rest. To avoid disturbing the overall design, the benches were shaped like decorative ornaments.

Lisanne tapped the bench lightly to show him where it was. Reaching out, Ethan carefully felt its shape before sitting down.

“Thank you.”

Sensing her hesitation to sit on another bench nearby, Ethan caught it and used a magical word to hold her.

“You seem quite used to dealing with blind people, Miss Lisanne. I suppose that must be because of Major Valdemaira.”

“……”

“I know I make you uncomfortable. Honestly, this is my first time with such a meeting too… but my wife must have thought you and I had something in common. Yes, maybe avoidance? In that sense, we might be a little alike.”

Avoidance.

Lisanne repeated the word silently.

Everyone else had described her muteness as a disability or an illness. This was the first time someone had called it avoidance.

“For me, living dreamlike also means I’m avoiding reality to some extent. And you, Miss Lisanne… once you speak, there comes the burden of communication, of debt to others. At a time when so many eyes are on your lips, by losing your voice you’ve gained a sort of reprieve. Your condition seems to trouble my wife and Major Valdemaira greatly. But for me, I see it a little differently. What’s so wrong about wanting to avoid something painful? Don’t you agree?” Ethan asked lightly.

He continued, “If it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, I think it’s actually one of the most effective ways of protecting yourself. For people, comfort of the heart matters most. The responsibility to solve problems lies with those who are troubled, not with you. That’s why Major Valdemaira must be so restless.”

The conversation took a completely unexpected turn. Lisanne lifted her head and looked at Ethan.

“This will probably be my first and last chance to meet you, Miss Lisanne. And from what my wife has told me, you were always a calm and reserved person, and now you’re in a position where you cannot possibly reveal anyone’s secrets. So, may I tell you a secret? My wife is trying to cure my eyes, but honestly, I don’t particularly want to regain my sight. My eyes are my wife’s burden of guilt.”

Ethan lowered his voice further.

“Just like your voice is Major Valdemaira’s burden of guilt.”

Lisanne remembered Paulina saying she specialized in eye surgery because she wanted to heal her husband, and that her husband was waiting for the day he might open his eyes again. Lisanne was inwardly surprised by Ethan’s secret confession.

“With these two eyes, I saved the life and heart of the woman I once loved from afar. Isn’t that an appropriate equivalent exchange? As a result, I married the woman I love and am living happily with her.”

“……”

“But one day, my wife may truly find a way to cure my eyes. She’s a clever person. She’s also diligent in everything she does. I think that’s admirable. So if the day comes when she suggests attempting the surgery, whether it succeeds or fails, I’ll agree. Even if it fails, that’s fine. I’ll keep living as I am now. But if it succeeds…”

“……”

“If it succeeds, we’ll probably go through a period of confusion. Since the fire, I’ve never actually seen how much my wife and I were hurt, so adjusting to our changed appearances won’t be easy.”

“……”

“Still, if I open my eyes… the first thing I want to do is hold my wife and thank her. Just because she was hurt less, she has carried far more burdens than I have. Even when I wanted to share the load, realistically, there wasn’t much I could do compared to her.”

Though Ethan couldn’t see, Lisanne nodded little by little. What he said was easy to understand. She couldn’t deny that Ezekiel and Paulina had brought quite a suitable conversation partner.

“The reason I’m saying this is because, in truth, I only have my own story to tell you, and also because the path I’ve walked until now may be one you’ll walk in some form. So I wanted to share my experience with you as someone who has already gone ahead.”

Ethan paused for a moment and listened for any sign of her presence. The girl who had initially tried to avoid a stranger was now listening quietly. That was a relief.

“When some part of your body is not whole, others try to make decisions in many aspects of your life for you. For example, I don’t even know what clothes I’m wearing today. I wore what my wife dressed me in. Probably white, gray, or black. She prefers muted colors. I personally like bright primary colors.”

Lisanne unconsciously glanced at his outfit. As expected, he wore black trousers, a white shirt, and a black coat.

“But if I can live with my wife, then not being able to wear the clothes I like is such a small matter it can’t even be called a flaw. So even if one day I suddenly gain my sight, it will be fine. I’ve already gained more than I’ve lost, and even if I get hurt, as long as I’m with my wife, I can overcome it.”

The man was composed and at ease throughout. One could feel how satisfied he was with his current life.

Ethan was confident that even if the day came when he suddenly regained his sight, it would be fine. He had even decided that when that day came, he would hold Paulina and thank her. He was someone capable of accepting whatever future came.

But what about me?

What if one day my voice suddenly returned…

Lisanne bit her lip.

When this reprieve ended, what kind of situation would she face?

What would be the first words she spoke with her restored voice?

“In that case, it’s very important to know exactly what you want, how much you can bear, and whether you’re ready to accept reality after the change. Of course, it requires a great deal of courage. Sometimes you have to face your true nature or the deepest parts of yourself, things you never wanted anyone to see.”

As if reading her heart, Ethan asked, “Miss Lisanne, how well do you know yourself?”