Time of the Blind Beast - Chapter 109

There was uncertainty behind the way the question was asked.

In truth, anyone with eyes would find it hard not to know. From Lisanne’s ever-changing outfits to Ezekiel’s unwavering attendance at every single visit, and even the way he was uneasy about leaving her side even for a moment, the atmosphere exuded by the young master of Valdemaira was too obvious.

Only then did Lisanne realize her parents’ anticipation. They were clearly excited at the thought that their daughter might become the lady of the prestigious Valdemaira family.

She quickly corrected her posture and shook her head firmly.

The lady of Valdemaira? She had nothing to offer but having attended a rural school, and had even been a criminal who stood on the gallows. Not only was it impossible, but she didn’t want it. False hope should never be allowed to take root.

Even among family, there are sometimes areas of thought that can’t be understood. Her parents stealing to ensure she could graduate had been part of that. They couldn’t turn their backs on her because of blood ties, but if she had been given the choice, Lisanne would have chosen to quit school.

It was the same this time.

Even while recovering from pneumonia contracted at the northern camp, her family was focused entirely on her relationship with Ezekiel.

“Not the wife, then? What is it, exactly?”

“……”

“Even though we’ve been cooped up in this room and haven’t gotten the full picture, we’ve heard bits and pieces. That man searched everywhere for you…”

“You were in Derosa, right? He said you saved his life, called you a lifesaver. Isn’t that enough to make it possible?”

“Seems like he really liked you. If this goes well, maybe our family’s fortune will change, huh?”

Their words were subtle attempts to probe her feelings.

Lisanne again shook her head in denial. But they didn’t seem ready to accept her rejection.

“…Is it the difference in status that makes it hard for you to become his wife?”

“There’s still a way. Just get pregnant. The order might be out of place, but if you have a child, Valdemaira is a family that values bloodlines and won’t be able to cast the child aside. That man is completely different from the one who was disowned by the family. He’s never caused any trouble over women, and above all, he’s a soldier. He’ll be determined to protect his wife and child with his life.”

“Your mother’s right, Lissy.”

Her father also repeatedly sided with her mother. They made no attempt to hide their desire for their daughter to tie herself to Valdemaira even by getting pregnant first.

Suddenly, her heart turned cold. Lisanne bit down on her lip.

She knew they didn’t say it to hurt her. Her parents were, in some ways, ordinarily good, and in other ways, ordinarily selfish—just typical, common people.

They had sacrificed greatly despite their meager means out of love for their daughter, but at the same time, they also hoped to gain something from the daughter they had raised. They were parents who wanted to benefit a little, to take pride, to indulge in hope.

Moreover, they didn’t know in detail what Lisanne had gone through at the camp. Naturally, they had no idea she had already been pregnant with Ezekiel’s child and had lost it.

Lisanne wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

She could still remember the sensation of hot blood spreading between her legs. Surrounded by strangers, lying on the cold stone floor, she had lost the child she hadn’t even known was inside her. That memory remained vivid.

How could she forget?

There had been no way to stop the stream of blood that gushed out, and she had left behind the shapeless child on the stone floor of the camp as a dark stain.

And now they wanted her to get pregnant again?

…They must be saying that because they don’t know.

Yes, because they know nothing.

She had heard that many of the women rumored to have affairs with Akenaus had dreamed of securing a tie to Valdemaira by having his child. Though none of those dreams had come true, thanks to Akenaus’s thorough contraception.

So, from their perspective, such thinking might make sense.

She tried hard to understand, but the bitterness kept rising to the back of her tongue. Her stomach churned.

Seeing Lisanne’s pale complexion, her parents instead looked at her with frustration.

“Why? It’s Valdemaira, Lissy. Your life will change from now on.”

“Do you have any idea how horrible the northern detention center was? Even if it looks like our coughing sickness is gone, our bodies are already broken and our bones worn down. We can’t work ourselves to the bone like we used to. And we’re not exactly young anymore, what kind of job could we do with these bodies to survive?”

“But asking you to support us doesn’t feel right either. Who would hire someone with a disability like yours as a teacher? There are plenty of healthy people in the world who could do the job instead… Getting attached to Valdemaira is the only way for you to live, and for us to live too.”

“If it had been that eldest son who was disowned from the family, we wouldn’t even be saying this. No matter how tempting it is to climb the social ladder, that man is obviously the type to ruin women with his womanizing ways. But this one is completely different. He’s the most beloved hero in all of Astrie, and if he says he loves you despite your disability, then you absolutely have to seize that opportunity. You need to think about your future. Isn’t this your only chance to live a rich and comfortable life?”

“See, sometimes life doesn’t just end in despair. I thought it was all over when the three of us were dragged to the detention center, thinking we’d never see each other again. But suddenly, everything changed. Life opened up. We thought you were still at school, so how did you even think to find him? It must be because you got that education. You’re really smart, right, honey?”

“She knows how to look ahead.”

Not at all. They were completely wrong. Lisanne hadn’t gone to Ezekiel thinking she’d become the lady of Valdemaira. Back then, she simply…

Thought it was the right thing to do.

Thought she should share in his pain.

With her naïve, foolish mind, that was the only conclusion she could come to. She hadn’t even had the courage to confess that she was the maid who had poured the poison, and yet she was too afraid to abandon a man who had lost his sight.

Looking back, it was nothing more than a half-hearted sense of conscience. She no longer harbored such illusions. Instead, Lisanne was even more shocked that her family—despite all they had suffered with pneumonia and frostbite in the detention camp—could so completely misread the situation and feel no fear of Valdemaira.

But her father and mother were now fully immersed in the fantasy that their daughter might marry into Astrie’s most prestigious family, seemingly having cast aside all memory of the past.

Was it excessive greed? Or just a very practical calculation?

To her, this vast Valdemaira mansion looked no different from a new kind of detention camp.

She could no longer bear to listen to such delusional talk. Hope, when taken too far, becomes poison.

Lisanne abruptly stood and left the room.

“Lissy, Lissy?”

“Where are you going?”

She didn’t even leave a parting glance to end the visit. She didn’t want to risk appearing to agree with that stifling atmosphere.

The servant who had been assigned to keep watch over Lisanne at Ezekiel’s orders quickly chased after her.

“Miss, you can’t walk around alone. If you wait just a moment, the master will be back shortly. Are you feeling unwell or tired?”

Gently encouraged by the servant to return to the warm room, Lisanne didn’t go far. She sat down heavily in a nearby parlor. Curling herself into the chair, she waited idly for Ezekiel to return, and grew despondent once more at the realization that she couldn’t go anywhere freely without him accompanying her.

“Lisanne? What’s wrong? Why are you out here already?”

Ezekiel, always precise with time, returned in less than thirty minutes. Striding quickly down the corridor, he spotted Lisanne huddled in the parlor and approached immediately.

“You don’t want to spend more time with your family?”

Lisanne shook her head.

Now that she knew how intently her parents observed Ezekiel’s every movement, she didn’t have the courage to return to the bedroom with him.

From now on, her parents’ main interest would be in how he looked at her, how tender and careful he was toward her, and Ezekiel would…

“There’s no way my heart would race like this if I didn’t love you. Lisanne, it’s okay if you don’t love me anymore. That’s okay. You can feel that way. But I can’t. I can’t be okay.”

…perfectly fulfill all their hopes.

“Lisanne, I want to spend the rest of my life atoning to you.”

Once, it had been her burden to atone. But now Ezekiel was the one speaking of atonement. Lisanne still couldn’t understand what he thought he needed to atone for.

But she did know what he wanted.

He wanted her to speak.

He wanted her to stay by his side.

He wanted her to return to how she used to feel.

He spoke of love while hoping for things she could not give.

Suddenly, it felt like something was tightening around her throat.