Time of the Blind Beast - Chapter 106

It felt like his brain had stopped. Opium. This must be the effect of opium.

Ezekiel placed the blame on the Laudanum. Otherwise, there was no reason why he couldn’t come up with a proper way to persuade Lisanne. Had his brain become useless? When facing his father, words had poured out of him without a second thought, but with Lisanne, he had to mull over every sentence dozens of times.

Ezekiel pulled out the most honest emotion that had been sitting in his chest in place of his halted mind.

“…Lisanne, I want to spend the rest of my life atoning to you.”

Only now did he fully understand why Lisanne had appeared before him as Rose. Even if the guilt had driven her mad with fear, she must not have been able to bear it without atoning in every way she could.

“I want to take responsibility for you. Please give me the right to take responsibility for you until the end.”

He wanted to keep her where his eyes and hands could reach and bear all her pain for her. Just as she had tried to bear with him as much as she could.

But the answer Lisanne gave was a calm rejection.

You don’t need to.

“Why don’t I need to? You returned everything to me. I want to give back what you lost. Just like you did for me.”

No, I only lost them because I wasn’t worthy of having them.

“Worthy? What do you mean you weren’t worthy?”

Lisanne’s hand flinched and stopped.

“See? You don’t even know. I’m the one who got you pregnant without thinking, I’m the one who drove you to the point of choosing to take poison, I’m the one who took your hopes away one by one and slowly destroyed you. Was there a single part of that process you chose for yourself? Then why do you say you weren’t worthy? What weren’t you worthy of?”

If she had demanded him to kneel and beg, he would’ve gladly done so. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to regret. But Lisanne wouldn’t give him the chance to apologize or to regret. She didn’t allow him the things he truly, desperately wanted.

“Don’t keep pushing me away. You hate me. You resent me. Then you should live hating and resenting me. You should take revenge on me. Isn’t that right?”

Above all else, the denial that the people they loved back then no longer existed crushed his heart. Ezekiel took Rose’s hand and pressed it to his pounding chest.

“Even now, can you say the person I love isn’t you? There’s no way my heart would race like this if I didn’t love you. Lisanne, it’s okay if you don’t love me anymore. That’s okay. You can feel that way. But I can’t. I can’t be okay.”

He needed a chance to undo his wrongs.

A chance to hold onto Lisanne’s heart, even just a little.

A chance to keep Lisanne in this mansion.

His mouth opened on impulse.

“I found your parents, Lisanne. They’re alive and well.”

He had intended to wait and tell her after watching their condition a bit longer since their illness wasn’t confirmed yet, but now wasn’t the time to hesitate. He had to lay all his cards on the table.

Lisanne’s eyes widened.

“They’re in this mansion. You can’t see them yet because they need to recover their health, but let’s go see them together later. So you should get well too. Don’t think about anything else.”

As long as it was a way to hold her, anything was fine.

Ezekiel closely watched Lisanne’s reaction.

Fortunately, the final measure worked.

Lisanne quietly closed the book and lay down to sleep.

***

Paulina had left Claris. It was to bring her husband.

At first, Ezekiel had intended to send messengers and a carriage to Paulina’s home. But having a group of unfamiliar messengers suddenly show up and ask a blind man to accompany them on a long journey to Valdemaira could raise suspicion. Paulina also worried whether the servants from the Valdemaira estate, who had never assisted a blind master, could properly take care of her husband during the journey.

After much discussion, he decided once again to send Paulina along, dressed for travel. All he could do now was hope that Paulina and her husband would arrive in Valdemaira as soon as possible.

Meanwhile, there was still no trace of Akenaus and Levian, who had vanished without a word. Ezekiel issued a nationwide warrant. Within the Valdemaira estate, Akenaus’s name became a forbidden word.

There was good news as well. Lisanne’s parents, who were quarantined and receiving treatment in the annex, showed no signs of tuberculosis.

Not long after the quarantine began, both of them developed a high fever with severe coughing and even traces of blood in their sputum, which alarmed the doctor. But after closely monitoring them, the doctor later stated that it was something other than tuberculosis.

“The symptoms appeared early, and the prescribed medicine is proving effective. It appears to be pneumonia.”

Of course, pneumonia was still a dangerous illness. But it was far better than tuberculosis, which developed slowly and killed most people gradually with no remedy.

Due to the harsh conditions in the detention center, their health was severely weakened, so their recovery was slow, but Lisanne’s parents were gradually regaining strength. Although they had suffered from frostbite, the condition wasn’t severe enough to require amputation, and by some miracle, they avoided tuberculosis as well. Ezekiel used the news of her family to coax Lisanne into taking her medicine and food regularly.

And finally, the doctor gave permission for a visit.

Lisanne was in much better condition than her parents, who still couldn’t move from their bed. Dressed in a thick dress with an even thicker winter coat, shawl, gloves, and hat, she left the bedroom. All of it had been prepared by Ezekiel. Not a single item belonged to her.

“The annex is warm, but the path is cold, so dress warmly. You’re not completely recovered yet, so don’t get too close.”

Now she was well enough for light walks, and the doctor had advised that lying in bed all day wasn’t good either, so she walked a few laps around the room each day. Still, Ezekiel held her hand and supported her full weight as he escorted her.

As Lisanne walked down toward the entrance of the mansion, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the glossy windowpane.

It felt strange. Dressed in luxurious clothes she had never even touched in her life, she looked burdensome and unfamiliar. No matter how much she looked, it didn’t feel like herself. Nothing inside her had changed, yet the clothes alone made her seem like a different person.

“I already told them about your health. Otherwise, it would surprise everyone.”

It seemed he had told them she couldn’t speak. Lisanne silently nodded.

“There’s a greenhouse in the garden across the way, and if you go straight behind it, there’s a lake. Let’s go there together sometime.”

Perhaps to ease her nerves as she walked in silence down an unfamiliar path, Ezekiel pointed out a few directions around the mansion. It wasn’t very important to her. Lisanne was only thinking about how to face her mother and father.

Back when she had lied and said goodbye, prepared to pay for her sins, she hadn’t wanted to show herself. While imprisoned in the detention center, she didn’t want them to see her disheveled appearance and even wished they’d never hear of her again. But when she heard they’d been taken to the northern camp, she had longed to see them. To confirm with her own eyes that they were safe.

And now…

“Why is your face so pale? Are you nervous?”

She didn’t know how to describe this feeling.

It felt like nervousness, or worry, or excitement, or sadness.

She hadn’t fully sorted out her emotions, but before she knew it, they had arrived at the annex.

Ezekiel opened the annex door and led Lisanne inside. She easily found the room where her parents were quarantined. There was only one room with heat so strong it leaked warm air into the hallway.

Lisanne stood in front of the door. A waiting servant knocked softly to announce their visit.

“Li… sanne?”

“Are you Lisanne?”

Due to their severe coughing, both of her parents’ voices were terribly hoarse. Seeing Lisanne, dressed like a noble lady, they were startled and scanned her up and down with wide eyes. All three of them looked very different from the day they had parted. Signs of illness had appeared, their bodies were thin, and their clothes were different.

But still, they recognized each other at once.

It was her mother. Her father.

Their daughter.

In an instant, all her inner conflict vanished. After hesitating briefly, Lisanne stepped quickly toward the sickbed. It had been so long since she saw her family. Ezekiel’s warning to stay at a distance since they hadn’t fully recovered from pneumonia was completely forgotten.

“Don’t come any closer.”

But Ezekiel, watching carefully, immediately pulled her into his arms and stopped her as she crossed the safe distance.

“Right, cough, you’ll suffer too if you catch it. Cough, stay there.”

Her mother waved her hand while coughing.

“How have you been…”

“She can’t talk, they said…”

“…Is that true?”

Because of the coughing, the conversation was fragmented. Trapped in Ezekiel’s arms, Lisanne only stared again and again at the pale faces of her family.

Her parents were the same. Joy at the reunion, yes, but they were clearly confused too. Their daughter, who had been taken as a criminal, now stood in fine clothes in Ezekiel’s arms, treated with the utmost care by House Valdemaira. They had no idea how to comprehend the situation.