Time of the Blind Beast - Chapter 101

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“Have you examined her throat?”

It was just as he had found a moment to spare while waiting for Lisanne to fall asleep.

These days, Ezekiel handled all affairs during the intervals when Lisanne was asleep. He had reduced outings to the bare minimum and arranged for his subordinates to come to the estate if any reports needed his attention. Even so, reports requiring Ezekiel Valdemaira’s signature continued to pile up in the office. As a result, Ezekiel had to go back and forth between the office and the bedroom more than a dozen times a day.

Truthfully, that wasn’t difficult at all. It wasn’t a problem. What truly concerned him was that no doctor had yet been able to properly examine Lisanne’s condition. The one person he still placed some hope in was Paulina, but even she hadn’t brought any useful updates.

This time was no different. Paulina, having been summoned, shook her head.

“I haven’t. But right now, I don’t think anyone could examine Miss Lisanne.”

“Lisanne wouldn’t shy away from you.”

Though Lisanne found all the other doctors of House Valdemaira unpleasant, she had spent some time with Anna and Paulina. If one listened closely, Anna was the only one chatting away brightly, but that alone was enough to soften the rigid atmosphere Lisanne had built like a wall. While those two, whom Lisanne was comfortable with, were around, Ezekiel could at least leave her side without worry.

“Major.”

After a brief silence, Paulina asked, “Is Miss Lisanne that death row inmate?”

Instinctively, Ezekiel almost answered, “No.”

He had constantly wondered how he would respond if someone recognized Lisanne and asked if she was that death row inmate. He had been thinking through that question as he considered what to do going forward.

For the time being, he intended not to let Lisanne face the world. He would use the towering walls of the Valdemaira estate as a shield to protect her. The estate was vast, and she could enjoy every convenience of life within it.

And once time passed and she fully regained her health… it would be best for her to travel around Astrie for a while, like his mother had. Months, a year, or even several years—it didn’t matter. The world was always noisy with stories of every kind, so if she remained quiet and distant, even the most vicious rumors would gradually fade into obscurity.

But even if she were hidden away like that, if someone stubbornly remembered her and dug up her past…

He would deny it.

He had resolved not to bring up Lisanne’s past again, and he had decided to cut it out of his own life. Then it would be as if it never happened. It had to be as if it never happened.

None of the crowd that gathered at the execution site had defended Lisanne. Even she hadn’t tried to defend herself. So he had to be the one to stand by her. Only then would her loneliness be eased, if even a little.

“You once said you’d explain everything to Anna and me, but I also felt that you might not reveal the whole truth. The atmosphere between you and Miss Lisanne is too complex.”

Paulina cautiously continued, “To confess first, I happened to glimpse the inside of Miss Lisanne’s neck while helping her on the crypt stairs last time. Though it was mostly covered by her collar, there were severe bruises from the noose. Anna probably noticed too. She’s just pretending not to know because she doesn’t know how to bring it up.”

Ezekiel was quite surprised by her admission. Even after realizing the truth behind Lisanne’s past, the two women continued to treat her no differently.

“…So you both noticed but never showed it to Lisanne? That’s something I’m grateful for.”

“I’m a doctor, after all. And Miss Lisanne is a patient. A doctor must not let personal feelings affect how they treat a patient.”

“Not all doctors in the world are like you, but I’m truly glad that Dr. Brehman recommended you.”

Paulina smiled faintly. “To be honest, I found it hard to believe at first. I saw her myself at the Derosa estate. Even when I heard rumors the day we arrived in Claris, that you had stormed the execution site to rescue a death row inmate, I never imagined that person could be Miss Lisanne. I thought they were two separate people. That’s how unexpected it was.”

It was understandable. The Lisanne Paulina had seen had contributed greatly to the success of his surgery.

The way Lisanne had conducted herself at the Derosa estate was now quietly working in her favor. Ezekiel felt a sense of relief.

“Even if you accepted Lisanne out of a sense of professional duty as a doctor, I find it quite surprising in Anna’s case.”

“Miss Anna is an employee. I believe she understands things from a different perspective than I do. For someone like Miss Lisanne, a mere commoner, refusing an order from a high-ranking noble like the Valdemairas could bring unpredictable retribution. The threats Miss Lisanne experienced are, in fact, the very kind of situation ordinary employees like Miss Anna fear most. For servants, having a sensible master is extremely important to their personal safety.”

Now that he thought about it, it was a valid point. He, too, had not always been a sensible master. During the time when the servants at the Derosa estate were frequently replaced, Ezekiel had been the master of the Beast’s Mansion.

At least the servants at Derosa, who had no vulnerabilities to be exploited, could flee when they couldn’t endure the violent master’s temperament. But Lisanne, whose family had been taken hostage, couldn’t even do that.

Some evils arrive as inevitabilities.

Swallowing the bitter aftertaste, Ezekiel revisited the topic he had nearly let pass.

“But I asked you about Lisanne’s treatment. Why are you bringing this up?”

“Because of this.”

Paulina held out a piece of paper. It looked like a torn-out blank page from a book, the edge ragged and frayed.

Ezekiel accepted the paper without asking what it was. Just a glance at the handwriting was enough.

“It suddenly reminded me of the letters Miss Lisanne used to exchange with Dr. Brehman. And I happened to have writing tools in my belongings. A couple of books I brought to read during the journey, too.”

There wasn’t much content in the written note. But the fact that Paulina had managed to draw even this much from the mentally and physically exhausted Lisanne was already an incredible feat. Perhaps because of the bond they’d built at the Derosa estate, Lisanne had managed to open her heart, even if just a sliver, to Paulina and Anna.

Ezekiel stared at the first sentence she had written.

Now that she could hold herself upright and had access to proper writing tools, Lisanne had regained her naturally elegant handwriting. It was vastly different from the shaky letters she had scratched into the dirt with a stone when he demanded her name at the detention center.

But the relief didn’t last.

With anxious eyes, he read and reread the first words Lisanne had communicated on her own.

I don’t want to receive treatment.

She had stated it clearly.

She didn’t want to be treated.

A dull ripple echoed in his chest.

Having suffered the same poison, he understood well. It must have been agonizing. It must have been terrible. She must have endured so many frustrating moments, unable to speak. Yet she didn’t want treatment. What did that mean?

Watching his eyes fixed on the first sentence, Paulina said, “I asked her why. I couldn’t understand the answer either.”

It seemed Lisanne had hesitated for quite some time before responding. Ink droplets had stained part of the paper black.

From those dark spots, he could picture her hand wandering aimlessly over the page. Then below, at a slanted angle, appeared the awaited response.

What am I supposed to say when my voice returns?

The following sentences were scattered, each in a different spot. Ezekiel could read Lisanne’s disarray from the chaotic arrangement.

This is a consequence I brought upon myself.

Resentment.

Regret.

I know I don’t deserve it.

I already know what I’m supposed to say.

She had crossed out a few words, attempting to revise them. Even those words, in her current situation, must have felt like a crime to utter.

Ezekiel thought of the things he might have said, unconsciously, once treatment began.

He would probably ask first, Are you all right? Then, Are you in pain? Does it hurt?

He would have asked because he hoped she was okay, hoped she wasn’t suffering, hoped she wasn’t in pain.

But Lisanne was not okay.

But I’m not confident I can say it.

She was someone who, knowing what she had to say, what she was allowed to say, what she could say, was not confident in being able to respond with “I’m okay.” So she would rather not receive treatment.