The Monster Lady and the Holy Knight - Chapter 77

I wanted to see you. Not just for a week, but for twenty-nine years. Leon Berg spent his entire life searching for the savior of the abyss.

A pitch-black sea. A thick, lonely marsh pooled at his feet. He hadn’t realized that the black loneliness he kept cutting away at had risen past his knees, shoulders, and was now choking his neck—until he met her.

“Sometimes, I think about it. As if the tears I’ve swallowed are piling up somewhere inside me. Piling up and up until one day they reach my eyes, and from then on, I’ll have no choice but to cry for the rest of my life.”

Someone grabbed his sinking hand and pulled him up. Exhaling a cold, hardened breath and inhaling a warm one. It was completely opposite to how it appeared. She had saved him, and finally made him breathe.

“Shall I cry for you?”

She was a miracle, a savior. She was the first god who had looked only at him.

But like a foolish disciple in the scriptures, Leon sold his only god for a cheap price. He dared to do so. He recklessly cut up specks of gold dust, letting them slip through his fingers along with sand. He lost her. He couldn’t find her. In the deep darkness where the fire had vanished, he cradled his face and realized love in loneliness. He regretted what he’d done, wishing he could undo it, even though he knew that time could never be reversed.

“I wanted to see you one more time before heading out.”

The emotions tormenting him weren’t as sweet or beautiful as the world described them to be. They were simply miserably transparent, to the point that even the arrogance of thinking he could hide them was unthinkable.

Truthfully, instead of saying he wanted to see her, he had something else to say. Since their reunion, if he were still a nineteen-year-old boy, he would have blurted it out already. But at the same time, he knew he had to keep his mouth shut. Not because he was a son of God, but because he would soon be on the frontlines.

If Leon died tonight, the fiery emotions would become a brand left on her. He couldn’t burden her with his selfish desires. So instead of what he truly wanted to say, Leon confessed once more.

“Yeah, I wanted to see you.”

Saying ‘I wanted to see you’ is a tragedy. Because the words were born from longing. Because they were passed from mouth to mouth by lovers who could never share love.

Veronica seemed flustered. Her bright red eyes flickered like a flame in the wind. Leon’s thirsty gaze chased that slight change in her expression. He didn’t want to miss a single moment. He wanted to engrave it on his retina, capture it in his memory. It didn’t matter if she looked angry or if it was a sign of displeasure. As long as hers was the last face he remembered.

But the momentary disturbance vanished as Veronica swallowed her emotions as if suppressing them. Instead of getting angry or asking why he was saying this now, she looked at him with distant eyes, biting her lip. As if it wasn’t worth responding to, as if resigned. That was her answer. She was too tired to be swayed or shaken, and didn’t get angry anymore. She expected nothing so she wouldn’t be hurt.

She had said she never wanted to see him again, hadn’t she? As the memory of their conversation during the day surfaced, his heart ached.

“I really don’t understand. When I confessed my feelings, you said you wanted me dead. So why are you acting like this now?”

He had no excuse, even if he had ten mouths. Leon helplessly watched as his own lies came back to pierce his heart. He wanted to kill the version of himself who had spoken those words.

“I know it’s shameless. I know we can’t go back to the way things were.”

Leon continued in a low tone, “Just let me stay by your side.”

He wanted to grab her gaze and turn it toward him. But her voice telling him not to touch her controlled his actions. Leon wanted to change. He wanted to try. His hand, resting on the bed, slowly clenched the sheet.

“I’m not doing this because I want something from you. I won’t even ask you to like me again. I wouldn’t mind if you hated me madly instead. Hit me every time painful memories come up, hurt me the way I hurt you—do whatever you want. Just until all this is over.”

“……”

“Just stay with me until then.”

If she wanted, he could pay any price. He would kneel, lick her feet, even repeat the agonizing rampages until death—whatever she wished. As long as she stayed by his side. His life wouldn’t be long, anyway.

The silence that seemed like it would last forever shattered in that moment.

“If I say no, will you listen?”

A small, clear voice cut through the sound of rain. Veronica slowly lifted her head, meeting his eyes directly as she spoke.

“For that to be a request and not a command, my words need to carry weight, don’t they? But if I tell you to leave, can you honestly leave without saying anything more?”

A heavy, dark silence fell as if caught off guard. Leon’s expression vanished as he repeated her question to himself. His heart shook violently. A cold, uncomfortable truth wrapped around him, chilling him to the bone.

Though he had vowed not to act selfishly, even his plea was ultimately selfish to her.

If he truly intended to pay any price, he had to completely respect her first. Even if she decided she never wanted to see him again. Even if he had to linger out of sight until his death.

“If that’s what you want.”

Veronica seemed slightly surprised by the answer that came after such a long time. Leon let out a small laugh, rubbing his eyes.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because I regretted it the moment I said it.”

When he answered honestly, she gave him a peculiar look. For a while, the sound of rain filled the silence between them. Veronica, staring blankly at the window, suddenly opened her mouth.

“Did you know that a bucket of crabs doesn’t need a lid?”

“…What?”

“The crabs pull each other down when one tries to climb up. So there’s no need to put a lid on.”

“……”

“Sometimes, I think that humans who have fallen to the bottom aren’t all that different.”

The room lit up in a flash. Leon couldn’t find anything to say. When the sound arrived with a rumble, and the room darkened again, her lips were already on his.

“I want to ruin you.”

Veronica whispered from right beside him, after pulling her lips away.

“I hope you fall so far that even God will shudder and abandon you.”

He’d heard those words once before. The day they had fled from the landslide—the day she told him her name. Leon hadn’t fully understood what she meant back then.

“Now that I think about it, you’ve lost nothing.”

Pieces of armor were removed, clattering to the floor. Leon moved reflexively to stop her, but froze in the next moment. He could see Veronica’s shoulders trembling slightly.

“Actually, I think I might know what happened over the past week. I wasn’t even hungry, and I threw up all the dinner I had.”

“……”

“I haven’t slept at all, and I don’t see visions anymore. I can’t even open the inner eyelid like I used to when luring them. Something’s wrong.”

Her voice shook as if soaked by the rain.

“I tried not to think about it. But right now, I really feel like I’m just a normal Bahamut,” she muttered in fear.

Finally, Leon could take no more and pulled her slender shoulders into his embrace. He knew he wasn’t supposed to touch her, but it was inevitable. If he left her alone, she might be swept away by the storm.

“Shh, it’s alright,” he said softly, holding her tightly, and her arms, wrapping around his neck, were even more provocative in the darkness.

Their bodies pressed together with no space between them. He could hear her heartbeat. The thirst had no end. He had only wanted to see her one last time, but now he wanted to share warmth.

“If I really have become a Bahamut, then holding me would be the greatest sin in the world,” Veronica whispered darkly.

True. Even God would not forgive such corruption as lying with a demon.

“Hold me. And let’s never see each other again.”

A cruel temptation descended coldly into his ear. Leon slowly ran his hand down her trembling back.

“You said we would go to hell together.”

She was asking him for his most cherished conviction. Even if he offered everything, he wouldn’t receive love in return. It was an impossibly unfair deal, but Leon knew he wouldn’t be able to refuse. Because that’s what faith is. Unconditional devotion and merciless sacrifice.

His hand moved to her black hair, grasping it as he pulled her closer. He tilted his head, his lips brushing her neck, and kissed her deeply. Her saliva tasted sweet, like liquor. He gently swept his tongue over her teeth, pressing her palate until she responded. 

When a thin moan finally escaped her lips, he became rough, his tongue delving in to claim her. There was no escape. Deeper, deeper. He pushed until it felt like he could reach her throat. Each time the wet sounds stopped, a sob escaped. His large hand, slipping under her thin white chemise, gripped her skin tightly.

Ah, ah.

He always thought that this act was akin to murder. In the aspect of sadism that made one want to die.

Outside the window, the rain continued to pour.