In This Life, I Will Be Your Dog - Chapter 98

While he was away, Bellona had visited the imperial physician, and in all honesty, she was not in her right mind. A whirlwind of complicated emotions from a completely unfamiliar situation left her extremely sensitive.

The moment she received confirmation that she was carrying his child, it felt as if the sky was falling.

She had been careful to avoid this situation and even taken proper measures afterward, but in the end, it had come to this.

Rather than joy, she felt something closer to despair.

A child.

Why now, of all times!

She resented the child who had come at such a time, in such a situation.

A child she had neither expected nor wished for would only hinder what she had to do.

From now on, she would stain her hands with countless lives, committing all sorts of wickedness without hesitation, and every time she did, the life within her would restrict her.

More than anything, the thought that this tiny soul would hear and feel everything made her sick.

Devastated, Bellona writhed in the flood of uncontrollable emotion.

She blamed herself for not even being able to care for her own body properly, and when she belatedly realized who the father of the child was, her despair deepened.

To carry the seed of royalty in the body of a mere knight was guilt enough, but worse still, it was the child of the man she had killed with her own hands.

What greater hypocrisy could there be?

She spent the entire day agonizing and emptying herself before arriving at one conclusion.

‘Let’s end this revenge quickly.’

Before he found out she was pregnant, she would kill the Empress and Impes, then disappear quietly.

Once those two were gone, it wouldn’t be hard for Caelus to ascend the throne.

She wouldn’t be able to stay by his side and watch him rise to power, but she would have achieved what she set out to do, and that would be enough.

Of course, it was a shame she wouldn’t be able to drag the two of them into a more dreadful, brutal hell.

It was a marriage formed by contract, after all.

It was bound to end someday, a relationship destined to be severed.

She couldn’t deny that her feelings had deepened and become sincere in the meantime, but that didn’t change anything.

She had no confidence to keep living by his side while hiding everything, and she knew she shouldn’t.

She couldn’t deny she loved him. Precisely because of that, she didn’t want to become a blemish on the man who would one day shine brilliantly as the emperor of the empire.

Having sorted her thoughts, she resolved to leave his side.

“Tell me, Bellona. What plan are you making behind my back this time?”

As if sensing something was wrong, his bright yellow eyes bore into her persistently.

Bellona pressed her lips shut, wondering how she should respond.

It would be better to start detaching from him now.

“I told you, there’s nothing like that.”

At her firm reply, his brows knit in disbelief, and he looked at her as if she had slapped him.

Caelus couldn’t make sense of the situation.

Why was she suddenly acting like this? What had made her so cold again?

He had heard her icy voice, her curt tone, and seen her utterly emotionless gaze countless times before, yet today, his heart throbbed painfully as if broken.

Seeing how completely different she was from that morning, it felt as if time had rewound to when they had been enemies.

Was that why?

Anger, resentment, unease, and fear churned inside him.

He was afraid she would let go of his hand again.

“Why are you acting like this all of a sudden…?”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“Do you really not know what I mean?”

“No, I don’t.”

His face turned red and pale in turns.

His already fragile emotions were on the verge of exploding. Bellona, who had been calmly looking at him, lowered her gaze first.

“Then, I’ll return to my room.”

She turned away coldly and left the room.

Left alone, Caelus clenched his trembling fists and let out a hollow scoff.

Why had she turned so cold? What had happened while he was away?

‘Or did I do something wrong?’

No matter how much he thought, he couldn’t find an answer. Then, a seemingly reasonable idea crossed his mind.

‘No way… did she get tired of me? Why? Was it because I forced her to sleep with me earlier? Because I confronted her about seeing Impes? Or… is she just sick of me now?’

Considering how obsessively he had clung to her like a madman, he thought it might be understandable from her perspective.

But still, how could she grow cold so suddenly? That didn’t make sense. A thousand questions spun in his head, but he still had no answer.

He couldn’t read her suddenly changed mind, nor could he force her to speak, and that drove him mad with frustration.

If she was upset, it would’ve been better if she said so. But that upright woman didn’t even pout, let alone complain.

“Damn it!”

Finally exploding, he slammed his fist against the wall in rage.

His hand swelled quickly, but the pain in his chest far outweighed the throbbing in his knuckles, so he didn’t even feel the physical pain.

Caelus’ face, glaring at the door she had exited, twisted more and more like a demon’s.

“My room? Ha! After all the time we’ve spent in this room together, you call it my room? Where exactly do you plan to rest? …Don’t tell me you went to that bastard again.”

His eyes gleamed viciously as he turned toward the Crown Prince’s palace.

Like a madman, he kicked the door open and stormed out, throwing open every door on the second floor.

As expected, she was nowhere to be found.

Clinging to a last shred of reason, thinking he might be mistaken, he even searched every room on the first and third floors.

There was no patience or reason left in his eyes as he glared at the final door. The betrayal by the chamberlain had left him so wounded that he now suspected her, too.

Completely unhinged, he rushed out toward the prince’s palace.

***

She had left to avoid him, but with nowhere else to go, Bellona returned to her old lodgings.

She gave a bitter smile, wondering if this place had always been the only place she truly belonged.

Sitting blankly in the dust-filled room, she stared at the moonlight streaming in through the window.

The image of his face, twisted as if on the verge of tears, came to mind.

He had looked so pitiful, like a child afraid of being abandoned, that she couldn’t face him directly.

The colder she acted toward him, the more her own heart ached, as if it were being torn apart.

When she saw his hand trembling—so unlike him—she couldn’t bear to stay there any longer.

She had drawn a line so suddenly; of course he’d be angry. Yet even with his hand shaking in fury, he had tried to suppress his rage.

Such a foolish man. If only he would just get angry.

Knowing he couldn’t even bring himself to do that only made her heart ache more.

‘You met someone like me—a cursed fate—and now you suffer in both past and present.’

Exhaling a deep breath, she gently cradled her still-unnoticeable belly.

‘What should I do with you? I can’t make you happy. Because of me, your life will also fall into ruin.’

Tears of remorse streamed down her cheeks.

If she had known the cost of using him would be this, she never would have taken his hand.

The price of daring to use and seduce him so brazenly had come back far worse than death.

If it were a pain she could bear alone, she could endure it endlessly.

But the thought that her arrogance had dragged not just him but the child now within her into hell made her heart shatter.

Uncontrollable emotions poured out like a flood. Tears fell endlessly.

Without a sound, she simply cried as the door suddenly burst open.

“Your Grace!”

Startled by Net’s urgent voice, she quickly wiped her tears and jumped to her feet.

“Something terrible has happened! His Grace went to the Crown Prince’s palace!”

Before he could finish, Bellona pushed past the door.

Running madly, the world spun before her eyes and her stomach churned again, but she couldn’t stop.

Why would he go there at this hour?

She had a bad feeling.

Sure enough, the first thing she saw upon reaching the palace gate was Mona, shaking violently, half-dressed and disheveled.

Spotting Bellona, Mona crawled over like she’d found a savior and clung to the hem of her skirt.

“Y-Your Grace, His Grace might kill the Crown Prince! P-please stop him!”

Ordering Net to remove Mona, Bellona sprinted toward Impes’ bedchamber.

Just as she reached to open the door, a murderous voice slipped through the crack.

“I should’ve killed you back then. Then I wouldn’t have had to witness this vile scene again.”

“L-let me go! Why are you doing this to me just because Bellona chose me?!”

“You pathetic bastard. You don’t even know the woman you’ve laid with, yet you dare speak her name with that filthy mouth!”

Hearing the men’s exchange, Bellona bit her lip hard.

She didn’t know why Caelus had come here, but it was clear he had mistaken Mona for her.

And once again, because she hadn’t hidden things perfectly, he was falling apart.

She had to stop him before the unstable Impes provoked him further.

Just as she pushed the door open, Caelus muttered something strange.

Bellona froze and held her breath to listen.

“Back then too, I lost everything searching for justification. But I won’t live so foolishly this time. In this life, it’s your turn to lose, Impes.”

“Ghhhk…!”

“So don’t be so eager to shorten your remaining days. I’ll send you to your mother’s side soon enough. If you don’t want to accept it, go ahead and pray to the gods to turn back time. Not that it’ll matter—even then, the Goddess of the Sword will still be mine.”

‘W-what… what is he saying?’

Bellona’s frozen fingers trembled.