In This Life, I Will Be Your Dog - Chapter 109

It was a relief that his voice hadn’t come through clearly.

She almost wished she could lose consciousness again. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She had no excuse to offer.

They had promised to share everything, yet in the end, she’d intended to betray him.

Even if it had been for his sake, the pain and sense of betrayal Caelus would feel would be the same.

Knowing that, Bellona had still resolved to leave him. Because she knew better than anyone that she was of no use to him.

It would be a blessing if she didn’t become a liability.

But now that everything had been exposed, what was she supposed to do?

Now that he knew about the child, he had surely figured out what she had been hiding.

Her mind felt faint and distant.

Tears again wet the sides of her ears.

Realizing she was crying, she gave a hollow laugh.

She was the one who had deceived and misled him—what did she have to be so heartbroken about?

“Bellona!”

Suddenly, the voice that had seemed so far away struck clearly at her ear.

When she slowly opened her eyes, the man was looking down at her with a face twisted in worry.

“Are you alright? Are you hurting again?”

Seeing the worry and fear on his face, tears streamed down again uncontrollably.

‘Stupid man. Can’t you even get angry? How can you worry about me right now?’

He should’ve been furious for being lied to, yet all he did was worry, and the pain of it broke her heart.

Unable to say anything, she silently cried. Then, gritting his teeth, he suddenly pulled her into his arms.

Hearing his unsteady breathing, Bellona finally broke into sobs.

“Sob…!”

“Sigh… you’re really a cruel woman. You never even let me get angry at you.”

Though he spoke as if wronged, his hand gently stroked her hair in a way that felt desperate and full of longing.

‘So why are you being so kind to someone like me? Why have you never once gotten angry with me?’

“Ugh…!”

“I know, I’m sorry. I wasn’t yelling. I only said that because it hurt to see you cry. So stop crying now. What if you pass out again?”

The more he tried to comfort her, the more heartbreaking her cries became.

She was the one who should apologize, the one who should be begging for forgiveness, but he kept apologizing, and it felt like her shattered conscience was being torn to pieces.

In his arms, Bellona cried bitterly for a long time.

She poured out the sorrow of guilt for deceiving Caelus, the remorse she felt for hiding the truth, and the anxiety she’d bottled up for fear of being discovered.

It was the only way she felt she could breathe.

How long had she cried?

As her exhausted body started to slacken, Caelus sprang up, ready to call for the palace physician. But she gripped his hand tightly.

Unable to speak from the lump in her throat, Bellona shook her head and pulled his hand to her cheek.

“Are you really alright?”

“Sob… yes.”

Her unsteady voice trembled pathetically.

When she went silent again, he finally let out a breath of relief and sank into a seat beside her.

After a moment, Caelus took a damp cloth prepared nearby and gently wiped her eyes.

Though his hand was gentle, his voice grumbled with dissatisfaction.

“It’s all swollen. People say you’re cold-blooded, but now you’re melting me from the inside out with all these tears.”

She knew he was trying to change the subject, but Bellona had no intention of avoiding it.

“I was wrong.”

His hand, which had been wiping her tear-streaked cheeks, froze.

“No matter the reason, I deceived you. I… sincerely apologize.”

Bellona bowed her head.

This time, she hoped he would get angry. That he would finally release the resentment and pain he’d bottled up toward her.

An overwhelming tide of emotion surged again. She barely held back her tears and waited for whatever judgment he would deliver.

But the man said nothing, and instead continued to wipe her face.

Watching his stiff expression, Bellona tried to calm her pounding heart.

After a long pause, he set the cloth down and let out a deep sigh.

Caelus’s expression looked no less conflicted than hers. Finally, he met her gaze and murmured in a voice laced with regret.

“I must’ve fallen in love with someone far too difficult.”

“……”

“Still, I can’t let you go. So I’ll just have to endure it… which means—”

He didn’t even finish his sentence, yet foolishly, her tears fell again.

As Bellona hastily tried to wipe them, Caelus caught her hand and resumed dabbing her eyes with the cloth.

His voice was calm, but the words that followed struck deep.

“Please, just believe in me now. Don’t decide things on your own anymore. Don’t draw conclusions by yourself. I’m not some fool like I used to be. Just stay by my side. I’ll take care of everything. This time, I’ll prove to you that your choice wasn’t wrong.”

The golden eyes that poured out this resentful confession and earnest vow trembled slightly.

It wasn’t her imagination—the light in his gaze was unmistakably damp with tears.

Bellona looked at him with an apologetic face, struggling to calm her aching chest.

‘You foolish man… acting like this only makes me want to lean on you.’

It felt like she could no longer push him away.

The walls she had stubbornly built had already long since crumbled. Still, she clung to the broken fragments and kept blocking the man who relentlessly pierced her heart.

Because that would make leaving him less painful.

She had to know her place to avoid harboring false hopes.

But now, she had no strength left to deny it. No will.

Then perhaps it was time to admit it.

That she didn’t want to leave him.

Even though it was selfish, even though she knew it was shameless—she just wanted to be honest.

She wanted to finally take the hand he kept offering.

Above all, she didn’t want to keep hurting him with her pointless pride.

Bellona barely gathered herself and shut her eyes tightly.

She cleared the chaos in her head and emptied her heart. She left nothing behind to deceive him with. And in that emptiness, she placed her true feelings.

Her honest feelings for him.

Slowly opening her eyes, she looked straight at the still-anxious man. At last, she calmly revealed the thoughts she hadn’t been able to voice until now.

“I thought that a future emperor would need people he could trust and lean on. Nobles who could support and stand behind Your Grace… But—”

After a short pause, she steadied her breath and continued, “I’m not a noble. I don’t even have a faction that could be of help to you. Worse, the fact that I was once a mere knight only served to be a weakness.”

He raised an eyebrow, as if to argue, but Bellona lightly shook her head and went on.

“That’s why, after the revenge was over, I was going to leave without regret. I thought that was the only way to repay the sin I committed against you. And of course, at your side should be a lady from a noble family befitting the title of empress.”

His lips parted, as if he had much to say. But he waited patiently.

“Then… the child came. Of all times, now. To be honest, at first I resented it. Then that resentment turned to despair. Because such a precious seed shouldn’t be born from someone like me.”

Once she began to speak, there was no stopping it. Bellona laid bare all the emotions she had bottled up until now.

And as she watched the man listening silently with eyes of unknowable depth, she finally showed everything she had hidden in her heart.

After letting it all out, she caught her breath for a moment—when he, as if waiting for her to finish, shot back coldly.

“Unbelievable. Not only did you try to shove me off to another woman, you even belittled the woman I chose. How much more ridiculous do you intend to make me look?”

“……”

Staring at the air as if trying to suppress his rage, he fixed her with a piercing glare.

“So. You’re saying nothing has changed. You still plan to leave me?”

She lowered her gaze briefly, then raised it again with firm resolve, meeting his harsh stare head-on.

And she brought the conversation to its end.

Just as Bellona Riknis would.

“I won’t leave. From now on, I—and our child—will be your support and your strength. So don’t worry about anything else. Just go forward. Take back your place.”

“…Ha!”

He suddenly let out a short laugh and leaned his head back with a sigh. For the first time, a smile of relief touched the face of the man who had looked so anxious all this time.

Still unable to believe it, he gazed at the air for a moment, then abruptly sat on the bed.

Then, face close to hers, he asked with a deliberately solemn tone, “Is that true?”

“Yes.”

“Can I really believe it this time?”

“Yes.”

With another long silence, Caelus opened his eyes wide as if it were his last warning.

“Alright. But if you lie to me one more time, I won’t forgive you.”

“I have… one request.”

At the word request, his brow furrowed without hesitation. Even after hearing her resolve, the wounds he’d received made him uneasy again.

And then—

“Please annul this marriage.”

Sure enough, she stabbed him in the heart again.

Just as his face began to contort, Bellona cupped his cheek.

With a faint, bitter smile, she confessed, “I mean let’s end this marriage that started on false pretenses. But when everything is over… I’ll be the one to propose to you. I swear it—on a knight’s honor.”

“Ha! You really…”

Rendered speechless, he could only gape at her in disbelief—until she gently kissed his lips.

Then she whispered softly, “Refusing is not an option.”

With trembling eyes, he stared at her intently, then suddenly pulled her close by the nape and growled, “I must really be under a witch’s spell.”

Caelus devoured the lips of the woman who had bewitched his heart. As if to punish her, he poured all of himself into the fierce kiss.

Bellona gladly wrapped her arms around his neck and closed her eyes.