In This Life, I Will Be Your Dog - Chapter 100

On the way to Minelia Palace, the two of them walked in silence.

Her mind was still dazed, but the shock had subsided slightly during the moment of driving the Empress into a corner.

Even so, she couldn’t organize her thoughts to figure out what to say—what to ask him, or how she herself should respond.

Both overwhelmed by their own thoughts for different reasons, they just walked forward, saying nothing.

At last, Bellona entered the room where Caelus had stayed as a child and hesitated for a moment. The fiery night they had spent together there just a few days ago flashed through her mind.

As she recalled that day, she suddenly wondered when the child in her belly had been conceived.

“Sit here.”

At the sound of his sunken voice, she hurriedly pushed her thoughts away and sat across from him, staring into empty space.

The mingled feelings of guilt and anger—like a sinner who had been deceived—kept her from looking at him.

She didn’t know whether she should start by asking for forgiveness or by demanding why he had lied.

Silence fell again.

And after a moment, it was once more he who spoke first.

“I’m sorry.”

At the unexpected apology, her trembling green eyes turned toward him.

Caelus, too, couldn’t meet her eyes, only staring at a corner of the table.

“I didn’t deceive you with the intention of mocking you.”

His voice, as if making a confession, was filled with self-loathing.

“…Of course.”

When Bellona replied indifferently, Caelus finally raised his gaze to meet hers.

In the silence that returned, the two stared intently at each other, as if trying to find what they had once avoided.

Then, his lips moved again.

“I just couldn’t say it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was afraid it would come to this.”

Come to this—what did he mean by that?

Bellona, not understanding, waited for him to elaborate. But his next words only confused her further.

“Nothing has changed. I’m still the same, and my feelings haven’t changed.”

Her brows furrowed slightly, and she let out a short sigh.

It was harder to follow the flow of the conversation than when she had known nothing at all.

In the end, Bellona brought up the core of the issue first.

“Your Grace, you remember the past life too, don’t you?”

“…Yes.”

Her vision blurred. She had expected it, had asked the question herself, and yet hearing it directly made her heart plummet.

Steadying herself, Bellona asked about the one thing she had never dared to speak of aloud.

“Do you remember everything related to me as well?”

“…Yes.”

“Then… I—did I, to you—”

“Bellona.”

As he cut off the words she barely managed to utter, a choked breath escaped from her lips.

Her eyes burned and her throat tightened until it was hard to breathe.

No matter how brazen she might be, she couldn’t calmly ask the man she had killed with her own hands if he remembered that moment.

Once again, her gaze avoided his.

“I have a favor to ask.”

At the sudden words, her fingertips flinched, but still she couldn’t bring herself to look at him.

“It’s the past life. It’s already over. So forget those memories—”

Her eyes snapped open.

“How can you say that? No—was it really a past life? I remember it all so vividly. It was only a few months ago—how can you just treat it like it’s gone? Your Grace!”

Her voice, growing increasingly ragged, paused for breath, tears trembling in her eyes as she struggled to continue.

“Aren’t you resentful of me? Don’t you hate me? Don’t you want to kill me!”

His silence made the flood of emotions burst uncontrollably.

“How could you hold me after remembering all of that? Why did you marry me! Was this all part of your revenge? Did you want to mock me—someone who fell in love with you, not knowing anything!”

“And if that were true.”

His voice, unbearably calm, froze her shaking eyes.

“If that were true, would you stop loving me now? I’m asking if the feelings you have for me would disappear.”

“Ha!”

How could he be so calm?

Was he truly not angry?

‘And in the midst of all this, the only thing he wants to know—is how I feel?’

Unable to comprehend the man’s words and actions, a bitter laugh kept slipping from her lips. Yet even as she laughed, her cheeks were already wet with tears.

In truth, he was the one who had the right to blame. But seeing him act so indifferent only made her angrier.

He could’ve at least cursed at her. Asked her why.

Then she might have begged for death, pleaded for forgiveness, said she was sorry—that she had committed an unforgivable sin.

But, as always, he didn’t get angry. He didn’t even ask.

Instead, he apologized and comforted her, making her feel like the worst person alive.

She resented him for not even giving her a chance to ask for forgiveness. She couldn’t bear to see the face of a man who, even now, was only worrying about her.

How shameless.

“Bellona.”

“How much more of a wicked woman do I have to become to satisfy you?”

“No matter what you’ve done, you are someone precious to me now.”

“Your Grace!”

“I don’t care if you think my feelings are just revenge. It’s true that’s how it started. But still.”

His golden eyes wavered with sorrow. His gaze didn’t match his words, which claimed it didn’t matter—his eyes were desperate.

“I can’t live without you now. Even if you say you hate me, I won’t let you go. If you try to leave me, I’ll lock you by my side, even if by force. Until this life I’ve regained comes to an end.”

“……!”

“So stop tormenting yourself. I’m the one who went through it—if I say I’m fine, why are you so obsessed with suffering?”

It seemed that while he had come back from the dead, he hadn’t revived his emotions. He talked about that day as if it were nothing, unable to feel anger or hatred.

“Please, stop crying. Seeing someone who seems like they’d never bleed or shed tears cry like this—it’s tearing me apart.”

Trying to act as if this unbearable truth was nothing, he forced a smile on his twisted face.

But Bellona couldn’t do that. How could she treat such a tremendous truth like nothing?

The more they talked, the more tangled her thoughts became. She felt like she understood his sincerity, yet she couldn’t bring herself to believe it.

She was afraid she might rely on that heart, afraid she’d come to treat her own sins lightly.

He told her to forget because it was all in the past, but now that she loved him, it was something she could neither forget nor erase for the rest of her life.

So it was only right to let go of her feelings for him.

She couldn’t live so shamelessly behind a human mask.

If that was what it would take, then this relationship had to end first…

“Bellona, I—”

It had to be settled.

Suddenly, she stood up. Then, kneeling before him, she bowed her head.

“I killed you with my own hands. I haven’t even repaid the life I owe you. I failed to protect His Majesty, and I failed to defend the Empire. So please… end this marriage.”

“What?”

“I beg you.”

Her voice, polite yet firm, was filled with unwavering resolve.

He had expected this, knowing her stubborn nature—but now, faced with it, his vision blurred and rage surged.

This was why he had wanted to keep it a secret until his death.

In the end, his own reckless words had ruined everything. Driven by jealousy, the impulsive decision had caused all of this.

Still, how could she be so cold?

‘Was everything you told me so shallow?’

His heart ached, and he couldn’t think of what to say.

He was afraid that if he opened his mouth, only fury would pour out.

He hated her for making him unable to even blame her.

As he desperately held back his boiling emotions, she slowly raised her head and, with a face full of resolve, coldly severed their relationship.

“As soon as I return, I’ll leave the Grand Duchy. If even the sight of me disgusts you, I’ll disappear completely from your presence.”

“How selfish.”

“If you order me to die now, I’ll gladly offer my neck. So—”

“Bellona!”

At last, he shouted. Springing to his feet, his bloodshot eyes bore into her.

“Wasn’t it for revenge on the imperial family that you’ve struggled so far? Didn’t you risk your life to get back at the two who killed you and your siblings?”

“…That’s right.”

“Then how do you plan to get your revenge without me? What, are you planning to crawl back into that bastard’s arms and use your body again? Is that it? Now that it’s not your servant, but you who’ll seduce him directly?!”

At last, unable to control himself, Caelus spat cruel words at her.