If You're Going to Sell Yourself, Sell It to Me - Chapter 39

“What are you trying to say?”

Lockwood’s response came out more curt than intended, thanks to the confusion he was feeling, made worse by Henry’s question.

“You know what the current situation is like back home. It’s not a safe environment for a woman to live alone.”

Of course, he already knew that. Soon, there would be a major war with the Empire, and trade would be difficult for a while, causing prices to skyrocket. Moreover, in a place where women were already scarce, it was obvious that someone as beautiful as Georgiana couldn’t live alone. Even hiring bodyguards wouldn’t guarantee her safety.

But he couldn’t take responsibility for her, not in the midst of a war. He would be on the front lines when the fighting began, as expected. If anything happened to him, Georgiana would meet the same fate, which was why keeping his distance from her was better for both of them. Henry surely understood that too, yet he was still bringing up the matter, revealing how much he also cared for Georgiana.

Lockwood suddenly thought of his younger brother, Raymond, who had taken over the large family estate from their grandfather. The estate was located far from where the Empire’s forces would gather, meaning it might be spared the worst of the conflict.

However, he wasn’t sure if leaving Georgiana with Raymond, who was raising a young daughter alone, was the right thing to do. Something about the idea unsettled him, like a tiny thorn stuck in his throat.

He didn’t want to admit that part of his unease came from the fact that Raymond, with his honey-colored eyes and handsome looks, resembled their mother. Although Raymond had shown no interest in other women since his wife’s death, Lockwood couldn’t ignore how beautiful and kind-hearted Georgiana was—traits that could attract anyone’s attention.

Still, leaving her with Raymond seemed like the safest option. So why was he so reluctant?

“The contract ends when we reach our destination, and I give her the money I promised.” Lockwood tried to hide his unease with a cold reply.

“Sir, wouldn’t it be better to ensure she has a stable future?”

“What more can I do?”

Henry hesitated before replying, “I don’t think you’re indifferent to her, sir. Given your personality, the fact that you’ve managed to get along so well with her in the same space and care about her shows that she’s special to you.”

“Cut the nonsense.”

“Nonsense? Sir, I’ve served you for over twenty years, ever since we were children. I’ve never seen you act like this before.”

Despite knowing that Lockwood wasn’t in a good mood, Henry pressed on, clearly having thought about this a great deal.

“It’s not like that, so stop thinking about it.”

“Well, after this, the war will be over anyway, right? I just hope that once it’s all done, you’ll no longer have to worry about the homeland and can finally find your own happiness.”

There was an unusual sincerity in Henry’s expression, devoid of his usual lightheartedness.

“Ever since the Count and Countess passed away, it’s been hard watching you live solely for revenge. I truly hope you meet someone wonderful, like Miss Georgiana, have children, and live a good life, just like Sir Raymond.”

“What would happen to the people left behind if I died?”

“When someone is waiting for you, it’s much harder to die. And you don’t have to take the front lines anymore. There are plenty of people willing to do that. Why insist on putting yourself in harm’s way?”

Henry’s argument made sense. There were always ambitious men within the ranks who coveted Lockwood’s position, eager to move up. Even Kyle, whom Lockwood was scheduled to meet soon, had his own ambitions. Lockwood had always taken the lead, driven by revenge after his father’s brutal murder by the Empire’s soldiers ten years ago. But if he had to leave Georgiana behind and go to war, would he still act as recklessly as before?

He doubted it.

If the opportunity arose to charge forward, he might hold back, hesitate even. And if the war were lost, could he live with the consequences? He couldn’t even imagine taking her to a safe place without feeling any guilt.

The resentment might spill over onto Georgiana. That’s why he had to avoid it all the more. For her peace and safety, it was better for him to step back.

“Just leave it be. She would have come aboard even without us, wouldn’t she? To marry a man she’s never even met.”

“You know very well why she made such an extreme choice. Please, don’t be like that…”

“That’s enough. Don’t bring it up again.”

“Then, can I propose to her? After all, I’m alone too.”

The quill Lockwood had been holding snapped in half at Henry’s words.

“What did you just say?” Lockwood glared at him fiercely.

“If you’re not going to take her, sir, I thought I might ask her myself. Rather than leaving her exposed to danger, I could bring her to my family’s estate, where my parents could take care of her.”

“Do you think that makes sense?”

“Given that my mother has already given up on me, she’d be happy to welcome anyone. And someone like Miss Georgiana isn’t just anyone—my parents would be thrilled to have her.”

Lockwood thought of Henry’s parents, wealthy traders who had even earned a noble title in the Empire. They had moved to the homeland due to the discrimination they faced there, but they had always been kind and generous, looking after those around them.

If Georgiana went to live with Henry’s family, she would undoubtedly receive far better treatment than she had now.

Lockwood couldn’t find a good reason to argue against Henry’s proposal, which only added to his frustration.

“A man who’s about to die shouldn’t be thinking about marriage.”

“Precisely why I should marry her while I still can. And even if I’m not around, my parents would take good care of her.”

“Ridiculous.”

Henry, grinning at Lockwood’s sour expression, added, “So, sir, you should take responsibility for her instead. Treat her better. Someone like Miss Georgiana would prefer you, at least for your looks.”

“What? At least for my looks?”

“Of course. Other than looks, I’m better in every other way. Though I’m your lieutenant now, if it were up to me, I’d serve Miss Georgiana for the rest of my life.”

“You’re going to spend the rest of your life in service to me.”

Henry paled at Lockwood’s sharp retort, quickly backtracking. “I didn’t mean it like that! All I want is for things to work out between you and Miss Georgiana. That’s all I wish for.”

Lockwood didn’t respond, but he didn’t dismiss Henry’s heartfelt advice either.

Even if Henry wasn’t vying for her affection, there were bound to be plenty of men eager to win Georgiana over.

As Lockwood mulled over Henry’s words, his thoughts grew more conflicted.

Was his concern for Georgiana merely guilt? Or was it just a man’s curiosity about a beautiful woman? Did he actually have feelings for her?

He had been wrestling with these questions, but now, after seeing her panic, he had made up his mind.

As he carried her unconscious body to the bedroom, his confusion dissipated.

He couldn’t deny that his desire to keep her safe, to make sure she wasn’t afraid or in pain, was more than mere concern.

The future could wait. For now, all he wanted was to make Georgiana happy.

As he comforted her, even in her tear-filled dreams, he resolved to care for her as best he could.

Of course, treating her well didn’t mean physically, but he couldn’t just stand by as she squirmed restlessly on top of him, trying to escape.

“Stop moving.”

In the end, he swiftly pulled her back into his arms.

***

Georgiana couldn’t hide her nervousness as she looked up at Lockwood, who was now on top of her. His gaze was hotter than ever before.

Even as she stared into his predatory eyes, she didn’t feel the urge to pull away, which only confirmed that she had feelings for him.

If she were to live her life alone, wouldn’t it be okay to have at least one unforgettable memory with him?

Of course, she was worried about the future, and it depended on whether he wanted it too, but Georgiana thought this might be her first and last chance.

She didn’t want anyone else.

A strange impulse surged within her to give herself only to him.

Though nervous enough for her palms to sweat, Georgiana decided to be brave as she glanced down at his growing desire. She deliberately arched her back, pressing his desire closer to her.

She couldn’t bring herself to speak, but she hoped he would understand from that alone.

Did he get what she was thinking?

Lockwood’s eyes, heated with desire, stared at her intently. His gaze alone made her body twist with anticipation.

Georgiana squeezed her eyes shut and reached out to pull him closer.