If You're Going to Sell Yourself, Sell It to Me - Chapter 13

“She was really upset. Fortunately, a passing carriage offered her a ride, but what are we supposed to do now? It’s tomorrow, and we still need to find someone.”

Henry, who had chased after Georgiana to return her coat, let out a heavy sigh. He didn’t forget to glare at the cause of all this trouble—Lockwood—while wiping the sweat from his brow.

“You handled things so well until yesterday. Why did you say such things to her today? Especially after she’s been through so much already—couldn’t you have at least tried to comfort her?”

As Henry grumbled, Lockwood sat back in his chair, lost in thought. He couldn’t quite understand why he had acted that way at the moment. Was it because the person he thought he could control had refused his kindness? Or was it because she had chosen to marry someone else in the New World instead?

Though he couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason, something had definitely rubbed him the wrong way, leading to the current unpleasant situation. Now that she had rejected what had been his last card to play, it was clear that his plans would have to be significantly altered.

He briefly considered revising his plan entirely and boarding the ship alone, but quickly dismissed the idea. As Henry had pointed out, his appearance already drew enough attention; traveling alone would only attract more people and bring about unnecessary complications.

He remembered how much trouble he had during his last journey from the New World—there had been so many people showing interest or being overly familiar that the crew had to take turns keeping watch outside his cabin.

If that happened again, his movements on the ship could easily be exposed. Considering the sacrifices made to plan this trip, he knew there was no need to dwell on it any further. After all, she was bound to fall apart on her own, whether or not it was because of him.

Lockwood straightened up and asked Henry, “What about Willow?”

“He’s probably lurking around the gambling den again.”

“Let him know she’s planning to leave tomorrow.”

“What?”

Henry’s face twisted in shock at Lockwood’s command.

“As you said, we don’t have much time.”

“Still, isn’t that going too far?”

Henry shook his head, clearly uncomfortable with the idea, but Lockwood didn’t let up.

“Have you forgotten what’s at stake for us?”

“But… she’s still recovering…”

“Then go out and find a better option right now.”

“Ugh… Fine, I guess we don’t have a choice.”

Henry knew all too well what would happen next. If they had beaten her for coming home late, there was no telling how they’d react if they found out she was trying to escape.

Of course, they’d catch her before that happened.

Lockwood forced himself to block out the memory of her bruised, fragile back that he had seen in the studio, focusing instead on the comrades who had fallen in front of the barrel of a gun.

“Do as I say. Have someone keep an eye on Willow, and I’ll handle the area around the house.”

“…Understood.”

As Henry left the room with a disgruntled expression, the clock’s hands continued their relentless movement. It was already nearing dusk.

***

Georgiana carefully gathered her skirts and stepped out of the carriage, her eyes red and swollen. She quickly stuffed the damp handkerchief back into her worn handbag, hoping no one would notice.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. But, miss, let me give you a piece of advice: if you’re too rigid, men will lose interest quickly. Try to forgive him this once.”

The coachman, who had accepted her tip, couldn’t resist adding some unsolicited advice. He must have been itching to say it ever since he saw Henry pleading with her to forgive him before she got into the carriage.

But Georgiana had no intention of forgiving the man beyond Henry. She lowered her head without responding, and the coachman, satisfied, urged the horses forward and disappeared.

Lockwood’s words had left deeper wounds in her heart than Willow’s beatings or Marianne’s harsh words ever had.

She hadn’t sought his help or pity, but the way he treated her like a commodity left her more hurt than she’d care to admit.

Had he been consistently cold from the start, she might have been able to deal with it, but the way he vacillated between warmth and coldness had left her feeling completely manipulated.

Though today marked the end of their association, she found herself wishing she’d never have to see him again. She resolved that she wouldn’t let him toy with her emotions any longer, but knowing he would be on the same ship made her uneasy.

Whether he found another woman or not, he would undoubtedly board the ship if he had a schedule to keep. Though she was sure she wouldn’t acknowledge him or greet him if they crossed paths, the thought of it was as uncomfortable as a thorn in her side.

The only comfort was that her ticket was for a second-class cabin, with just one other person sharing the room. Given his demeanor and the area he lived in, Lockwood was more likely to be in a first-class or deluxe suite.

Surely, after everything that had been said, he wouldn’t seek her out again. She calculated that if she stayed in her cabin until they arrived, she could avoid him entirely.

Feeling somewhat relieved, Georgiana nodded to herself.

Let’s just get through tonight and not worry about it anymore.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the familiar green door, perhaps for the last time.

“You’re finally back?”

Marianne, who had been lying sprawled on the worn sofa with her hair a mess, turned her gaze to Georgiana.

“Yes.”

Georgiana replied curtly, walking past Marianne and heading straight to the kitchen.

“Looks like he let you go without a fight today. Must’ve been a real letdown for him. Then again, who could like someone who looks like that?”

Marianne’s lips curled in a sneer as she looked at Georgiana’s swollen face, her tone dripping with ridicule.

Whenever her mother made that expression, Georgiana couldn’t help but wonder if she really was her mother’s daughter or perhaps the child of an enemy. Her mother had never smiled at her, not even once, since she was a child.

But Georgiana knew better than to misunderstand—her mother lacked the courage to be kind, let alone raise another person’s child out of charity.

Of course, it also helped that no one in this neighborhood thought of their daughters as anything more than commodities.

This might be the last time I see that face.

Georgiana stared at her mother’s face for a moment, then quickly averted her gaze when Marianne gave her a suspicious look.

“I’ll get dinner ready.”

“Willow will be late again. Who knows where he’s wandering this time.”

Gambling den again, I suppose, she thought as she silently peeled potatoes and sliced the last of the smoked meat, tossing it into a buttered pan to make stew.

The rich, savory smell of stewed meat filled the cramped house.

At least it’s better than having nothing left. The thought of how the money from selling her hair had been wasted on gambling and feeding those people made her feel sick.

“What’s this? You had meat?” Marianne’s eyes lit up, and she rushed into the kitchen as soon as the smell reached her.

“This is the last of it.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve been eating it all by yourself?”

“Of course not.”

Even as Marianne eyed her bony wrists skeptically, she couldn’t shake her doubts.

“Just make sure you’re not sneaking money or doing anything stupid.”

“I won’t, so please, just eat.”

Georgiana carefully served Marianne a heaping bowl of stew, trying to avoid any unnecessary conflict.

“Yeah, like you’re capable of anything else.”

“Yes, so don’t worry.”

Georgiana filled her own bowl with nothing but potatoes. After peering into her bowl to make sure, Marianne resumed eating.

To avoid getting the papers in her pocket wet, Georgiana finished washing up quickly with just a simple rinse. Then she packed a few old clothes into her bag and went to bed early.

Instead of pajamas, she put on a light outfit that would allow her to leave at any moment.

Since the ship was departing in the afternoon, she planned to leave the house at dawn and kill time near the dock until boarding.

Even if they noticed her absence, they wouldn’t know she had boarded a ship until it was too late, giving her some time.

As she stared at a corner of the tattered ceiling, she thought about how life on the ship might be even harder than here, but as Lockwood had said, it couldn’t be worse than this place, where she could be sold off at any moment.

If she was lucky, she might even find a job. Women were rare, so if she focused on jobs traditionally done by women, like housekeeping, she might be able to live on her own.

Thoughts swirled in her head, keeping her awake until the early hours. Just as she was about to drift off, she heard the sound of a door slamming shut.

Probably Willow coming back after losing all his money again. She hoped he would just pass out drunk, but then came the heavy footsteps, followed by the sudden burst of her door being flung open.

“What is it?”

Startled, Georgiana pulled the blanket up to cover herself, momentarily forgetting she was still dressed.

Willow, reeking of alcohol, staggered towards her, breathing heavily.

Before she could react to his aggressive demeanor, a thick hand swung down, slapping her hard across the face.