Grace in Wonderland - Chapter 90

90. In the Cave

It was undeniable that unrequited love had been Grace Gurton’s driving force. Her lethargic state after ending her unrequited love and returning to Grentabridge was proof enough.

Love, whether mutual or one-sided, was much like traveling to Wonderland. There was excitement in the preparation, joy and hardship during the journey, regret at its conclusion, and nostalgia once it was over.

“I thought I’d solve this quickly,” Professor Charles Dodgson muttered, shaking his head. Research materials with blank pages—yet to be filled with equations—were stacked thickly under Grace’s quill.

“P-please give me a little more time,” Grace said, quickly lowering her gaze to the desk. Ink drops formed on the quill’s tip, falling to leave black stains spreading across the blank paper.

Despite the passage of time, her hand holding the quill remained motionless. Professor Dodgson exhaled subtly through his nose, careful not to show his frustration.

Grace Gurton, who could match any student at Christ Church College, was exceptional. Were she not a woman, he would have enrolled her immediately, made her a lifetime researcher, and kept her by his side. Perhaps then, she might develop an equation capable of fitting an elephant into a small box. Unfortunately, none of Dodgson’s students had ever exhibited such brilliance.

Taking the quill from Grace’s hand, Dodgson suggested, “Why not go outside today?”

“G-go outside?”

“You’ve been cooped up indoors for far too long. Once it gets colder, even a simple walk will be difficult. Why not take a stroll along the banks of the Grenta River?”

Everyone has their own way of refreshing their spirits. Some exhaust themselves through exercise or labor, while others force themselves to sleep. Some might sing or drink.

For Grace Gurton, none of these applied. She preferred to shut herself in somewhere, open an unreadable book, and quietly reflect on the past.

Not everything about traveling is enjoyable. Meeting strangers in unfamiliar places and experiencing the unexpected often leads to exhaustion and weariness. Sometimes, one regrets leaving behind the comfort of home to endure such hardships.

Yet, when the journey ends and one returns, the unpleasant memories are often romanticized. And then comes another wave of regret—regret for not embracing new things actively, for not enjoying and experiencing more.

Unrequited love was the same. Grace still lingered in the phases of longing and regret.

What she longed for and regretted remained unclear. Having decided not to light a candle in the cave of her emotions, she wasn’t even fully aware of her feelings.

But even if she could journey again, she would have returned the same way. At least in Grentabridge, she knew she wouldn’t experience shrinking or stretching. In time, her memories would fade, and she would return to her routine.

“C-can’t I just stay home?”

Grace bit her lip hesitantly. Dodgson firmly pointed toward the door.

“Go out. Don’t even think of returning until dinner.”

***

Grace Gurton hesitated before stepping out of the house. She walked slowly, but instead of heading to the Grenta River as Dodgson suggested, she found herself at Cherry Hinton, the place where she had fallen completely for Richard Spencer.

Cherry Hinton featured a narrow, winding stream embraced by ridges on either side. The north-south ridges were formed of pale chalk layers, firmly rooted with cherry trees that had withstood the passage of time.

When she had first encountered Richard Spencer here, the cherry trees were in full bloom with pink blossoms. At times, the trees seemed to breathe, scattering delicate petals into the air.

She had thought the world turning entirely pink was a scene from novels. But then, Grace realized that the exaggerated descriptions used by writers weren’t entirely fictional.

The season had changed quickly. While she was away, the cherry trees remained, bearing fruit and reddening their leaves. Now, their color and moisture had faded, leaving brittle, pale leaves to settle on the ground.

The dried and faded leaves mirrored her feelings. Taking a deep breath, Grace noted how the scenery seemed to change with one’s mood. Once, she might have been enchanted by the overwhelming autumnal atmosphere.

She stopped walking. Her tendency to retreat inward led her to an old secret place—the cave she had frequented as a child.

The cave, naturally carved into the chalky limestone ridges, was hidden by overgrown grass. Few knew of its existence. In Grentabridge, only Professor Dodgson and Grace were aware of the cave.

When Grace Gurton first settled in Grentabridge, Professor Charles Dodgson took her hand and led her to Cherry Hinton. Perhaps because she had lost her mother and endured hardships in the poorhouse, Grace rarely spoke, and Dodgson felt sorry for her, wanting to console her.

“When I was a student, I used to come here often.”

“……”

Charles Dodgson descended the ridge, parting the overgrown bushes haphazardly. Soon, he stood beside her in front of a small cave.

“This was my secret place. Cozy and wonderful, isn’t it?”

“……”

Seeing no response from Grace, Dodgson studied her in silence. Suddenly, he exclaimed, “Ah!” and crawled into the cave. Moments later, the sound of stones rolling echoed, followed by a string of muttered curses. Dodgson finally emerged from the cave, slightly disheveled.

“What do you think?”

“……”

Standing blankly at the cave’s entrance, Grace only stared at the dirty state of his trousers, now smudged with soil, before slowly raising her gaze.

“I’d forgotten I left this here.”

“……”

“Would you like to have it? It’s very precious to me.”

Grace remained silent, standing stiffly. Embarrassed, Professor Dodgson cleared his throat a couple of times, hesitated, and then finally spoke again.

“This is a secret I haven’t told anyone. It’s like a travelogue introducing a strange land.”

“……”

Hearing this, the young girl blinked her wide eyes. Charles Dodgson smiled warmly at her and, lowering his voice as though revealing something profound, whispered, “Though it’s late, let me present this to you as a welcome gift to Ingrint.”

“……”

Grace accepted the book he handed her. The brown hardcover smelled strongly of moss, water, and earth, likely because it had been stored in the cave for so long.

That day, Charles Dodgson returned home and carefully inserted sheets of blotting paper between the wet pages of the book. He placed it under sunlight streaming through the window to dry it.

The pages, swollen from the moisture, never fully regained their original state after drying. Still, Charles looked satisfied as he opened the book’s inner cover.

Taking out a quill, he drew a long line that crossed out ‘A, L, I’ and replaced them with ‘G, R, A.’

ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND

GRACE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND

‘Grace in Wonderland’

Grace stared intently at her name written on the inner cover. Charles Dodgson, seeing her reaction, handed her the now warm and dry book, smiling as he did.

“Let’s name the girl in this story ‘Grace.’”

“……”

“Don’t you like it?”

“……”

Grace slowly shook her head.

“Then shall we study together?”

“……”

“While I study tedious math formulas, you can explore Wonderland. After you’re done reading, I’d appreciate it if you could tell me what the place was like—whether it was fun or scary. I barely remember since it’s been so long since I visited.”

“……”

“Of course, only if you feel like it. There’s no need to force yourself.”

“……”

With that, Charles offered her a chair. On the table sat a slice of cake piled high with white cream.

Grace lightly flipped the book’s cover with her fingertips. The sparse text and illustrations of a young girl spiraled into her eyes like a vortex.

Perhaps that was the moment it all began—the very beginning of Grace Gurton’s adventures.

Even now, after having ventured into Wonderland and returned, Grace could not adequately answer the request Charles Dodgson had made. She still didn’t know whether Wonderland was a fun or scary place.