Grace in Wonderland - Chapter 107

107. A Reversal Victory

“I want to propose properly this time.”

Richard Spencer declared resolutely, as if fully determined. For the first time in his life, he was revealing his reflection in the mirror, rather than on the water’s surface, by his own will. The flood of emotions made him tremble slightly.

Grace’s gaze faltered as she looked at him. Gripping her teacup tightly, she waited for Richard’s next words.

“I know that people whisper behind my back, calling me a narcissist.”

“……”

“They’re not entirely wrong. Since I was young, I’ve lived without seeking love from others. My interest has always been solely in myself.”

“……”

“Whether someone found joy or pain because of me didn’t matter. Likewise, I didn’t want to derive joy or suffer pain because of anyone else.”

On Lancelot’s birthday, which wasn’t even his own, when he had been congratulated for being born. When he received a bouquet of yellow daffodils as a supposed gift that had nothing to do with him.

When he was teetering between life and death from smallpox, yet was cared for not by his mother but by an indifferent nanny and maid. When he realized the scar left by the illness had become a weapon wielded by the Countess.

When he overheard Lancelot’s cowardly lie at the summer villa in the Lake District. When the Countess slapped him without hesitation.

Each event was like a step on a staircase. By the time he descended step by step, Richard found himself standing at the entrance of a basement.

Looking up at the floors above, he didn’t want to envy or feel miserable about them. So, he opened the door to the basement and hid himself inside. A space that belonged solely to him, where he didn’t need to compare or suffer from comparisons.

“I came to believe that the world is meant to be lived alone.”

Some solitude is sweet. Avoidance and withdrawal are convenient. Richard Spencer lived enjoying his chosen path to the fullest.

Life was monotonous and predictable. A life without emotional exchanges flowed with regularity. They were relatively peaceful days.

“To me, others were just others. I didn’t want to be swayed. Because if I became disappointed or clung to lingering feelings, the pain would be mine alone to bear. In a way, I suppose I was afraid.”

Coward.

Only then did Grace Gurton understand the meaning of Lady Mary Montague’s words. Of course, she didn’t fully understand how Richard Spencer had lived or why he made such decisions.

However, she could empathize with how much pain a child would have had to endure to reach such a resolution. Feeling sorry for him, Grace gave a sad smile.

“But from the moment I suggested friendship to you, the beliefs I had held onto for so long began to crack. At the time, I convinced myself it was just because I wanted to keep someone agreeable close. But now I know that wasn’t all.”

Richard Spencer had lived believing that friends and lovers were useless. But the impulsive request he had made to Grace Gurton contradicted his entire value system.

The reasons he made up to justify the anomaly. The childish excuses he fabricated, feeling satisfied that he’d brought a sheep into his fold. The rationale he tacked on, claiming it was convenient to keep a smart but easygoing woman around.

“Even though I repeatedly denied it, I think I was lonely. That’s why I was glad to meet someone like you who saw the other side of Janus.”

The solitude in the basement had been sweet, and the avoidance and withdrawal sealed by the closed door were convenient. Richard Spencer had genuinely believed that.

Then, one day, he discovered someone who pushed open the basement door. That person didn’t do anything to him. They simply looked at Richard Spencer, who was in the basement.

To simply see someone, to recognize their presence in that space—even such a plain act deeply moved Richard. He repeatedly told himself that couldn’t be the case, but it was true. It had moved him.

And that’s why he was confused. He had spent so many years believing that solitude was sweet.

“Theresius Wilford is a vile person, but if he had proposed to another woman, I wouldn’t have intervened. As I’ve said before, I don’t meddle in other people’s affairs.”

Theresius Wilford was proposing to Grace Gurton in the drawing room of the Montague mansion when Richard Spencer finally admitted it to himself. That marked the end of his inner turmoil.

He had been captivated by the mismatched eyes he glimpsed through the crack of the basement door, the way she found him hiding behind that door, her whimsical demeanor… Or perhaps, none of that mattered, and he simply liked her.

So, he overturned it all. Even knowing it might endanger his position as heir, he didn’t care. Because at the end of the rainbow Richard desired was Grace Gurton.

“To confess, I am a deeply flawed person.”

Richard Spencer had lived his life obsessing over his imperfections. He did everything he could to hide the scar and paralysis on the left side of his temple.

His flaws had significantly influenced his life. On a grand scale, they threatened his position as heir, and on a smaller scale, they imposed meticulous restrictions on his daily life.

The shame he felt every time the Countess of Spencer disparaged him by pointing out his flaws as the head of the family. The prickling discomfort whenever Lady Mary Montague tried to protect him.

The hand he controlled in public to conceal the unsightly scar. His hair, slicked back and perfectly neat with pomade. The aristocratic expression he maintained in formal settings to mask the subtle paralysis.

But perhaps the flaws he tried so hard to hide weren’t so significant after all. Their meaning had been exaggerated by others. It seemed he had lived fixated on scars trampled into existence by malice.

“I’ve realized that my greatest flaw is my inability to express my emotions properly.”

His misunderstandings of Grace Gurton, his actions, and the words he had spoken were the true imperfections of Richard Spencer. He only realized this later.

The words Lancelot Spencer had told him were undoubtedly correct. He expressed frustration to convey disappointment. He replaced jealousy with anger and used sarcasm to mask his sadness.

Even when proposing, he failed to show his true feelings. He had presented Spencer’s wealth to flaunt himself while hiding how he truly felt about Grace Gurton.

Ignorance might be the basis for understanding, but it doesn’t justify it. Just because someone is clumsy doesn’t mean they deserve to be understood.

“Embarrassing as it is, I’m still immature in this regard.”

Fool.

Grace Gurton recalled Lady Mary Montague’s words once more.

Are there truly people skilled at managing emotions? Grace herself was a fool who fumbled awkwardly in front of someone she liked.

No one in the world is truly mature. People just pretend to be.

Still, there are differences. Those who admit their immaturity and those who don’t. Those who strive to change and those who remain the same.

Richard Spencer had accepted his own weakness. Now it was Grace Gurton’s turn. It was her moment to muster the courage to grow.

“If someone like me is acceptable to you,”

Richard lifted his lowered gaze. Like clear, transparent glass windows filtering through the greenery, his two bright eyes opened in turn, fixing on Grace Gurton.

One side of the glass reflected the reddish dawn sun, while the other side mirrored the violet clouds of twilight. Gentle shadows of the sky fell quietly on pale green leaves. It was a time where morning and night, light and darkness, warmth and coolness coexisted.

“I would be honored if you became my wife.”

Richard Spencer willingly bent his knee. The great nobleman who stood tall and firm even beside the queen now bowed deeply before the woman who had first opened the locked door of his heart.

“I-I will.”

In the final moments of the match, the rugby ball perfectly arced into the arms of Christ Church College’s forward number 8, who had given his all. Richard Spencer ran with all his might, holding the ball that had always slipped from his grasp, leaving him only near-misses.

The whistle blew. A thrilling come-from-behind victory.

The referee’s loud call of “No side!” rang out. Following that signal, Richard stepped beyond the boundary of his own world, crossing over to the other side. Finally, Richard Spencer and Grace Gurton stood on the same team.