Beneath the Surviving Princess's Joyful Facade - Chapter 94

“It’s enviable that she can survive despite losing her senses,” Rakane Crispin murmured coldly upon returning to her tent. She knew well that life was unfair, but the realization didn’t make her any less displeased.

“My lady, shall I prepare your bow?” asked Toven, the deputy commander of the knights.

“No. My archery skills aren’t what need to be displayed right now,” Rakane replied, closing her eyes.

Her father, after exploring various options, seemed to have settled on the second son of the Carlisle family. Her life’s greatest goal was to marry a man whose highest aspiration was to kiss the king’s feet.

As she sighed, Toven cautiously asked, unable to hide his rough accent, “Shall I bring a maid for you? If you want to change…”

Rakane opened her eyes and looked at Toven’s face. She knew why the deputy commander, of common birth, was so devoted to her and why he turned a blind eye to her struggles.

“……”

It was an unrequited affection she couldn’t accept. Though she had found his loyalty useful in desperate times, now she needed it more than ever. If she were to marry the second son of the Carlisle family, her influence in the household would diminish further.

Ultimately, she needed to bind Toven to her somehow, even if it meant using methods she despised.

“I don’t feel like it,” she said.

She couldn’t learn what she truly desired. Instead, she knew how to appear gracefully tragic without losing her dignity.

“Please leave me,” she commanded.

Toven shuffled out of the tent, his steps heavy with dejection. Rakane Crispin waited until he was far enough away before bursting into tears. Just in case Toven, driven by concern, rushed back in, she made sure to cover her face.

***

[Earlier], [Woman], [Who].

Miesa’s hand signals prompted Gella to lower her voice considerably as she answered.

“I’m not sure, but Sir Cullen recognized the family crest. I’ll go ask him.”

Gella scurried off and returned with a dark expression.

“It’s from the Marquisate of Crispin. The woman was likely Lady Rakane Crispin.”

“……”

Miesa sighed, realizing belatedly that it made sense. The woman she had tried to spot through half-closed eyes at the banquet but couldn’t see clearly due to the crowd was indeed Rakane Crispin.

No wonder people were disappointed to see Miesa as the lady of the house instead of her. That noble expression, those graceful movements. Even though she hadn’t heard her voice this time, she was sure it had been elegant and refined. The first thing she had said when they met was,

“‘Do not have children.’”

“Pardon? Did you need something?” Gella asked, tilting her head in confusion at Miesa’s murmured words.

Seeing Miesa staring into space, Gella approached and lifted her skirt. “Madam, shall I massage your legs?”

Gella often massaged Miesa’s legs after she walked in front of people to prevent her muscles from cramping. Walking with all her weight on one leg could easily cause a cramp.

“Later, ask the master to carry you,” Gella suggested.

Miesa lay back, staring at the ceiling. The image of Rakane Crispin’s disdainful, condescending expression wouldn’t leave her mind.

But it’s okay. Eirik loves me, and in his eyes…

“You will be the most beautiful, intelligent, and vibrant person there. Everyone will be fooled by your outstanding acting.”

So it’s okay. I’m really okay.

But is he?

Miesa didn’t know what constituted beauty, but she thought Rakane Crispin looked like a dazzling flower. If even she could see that, how must others perceive her?

“Oh, her beauty is renowned even in the frontier, and her dowry is beyond compare—”

She recalled Eirik’s cousin’s words. The pitying looks that came with Miesa instead of a substantial dowry only made it worse.

Eirik would have been better matched with someone like her. Imagining them standing side by side pained her heart. The original intended for the position she had lucked into was too perfect, making Miesa feel utterly inadequate.

The fact that Crispin’s side had tried to kill her showed how desperate they were for this position. Perhaps Rakane Crispin also had feelings for Eirik.

Eirik would have treated any wife well. If the two had married, they would have made a fine couple, blessed by everyone.

If so, Eirik wouldn’t be treated like a plague but admired for having a splendid wife.

Unable to bear it any longer, Miesa signaled Gella. Gella, who had been massaging her legs, stopped and brought her ear close to Miesa’s mouth.

“Please speak, madam.”

Miesa whispered softly, wrapping her arms around Gella’s neck.

“You know, I’m actually an extraordinary person.”

Gella listened intently, even though she didn’t understand.

“Surviving so brilliantly in my situation isn’t something an ordinary person could do. I tore paper and played with it, then pieced it together at night to study. I practiced walking and speaking when no one was around.”

Gella’s eyes grew red as she listened. Miesa continued to whisper, as if sharing a great secret.

“I am special. I can do anything. I learned hand signals so quickly.”

Miesa’s face twisted with emotion. Confiding in Gella, seeking comfort, felt pathetic, but she couldn’t help it.

“Please don’t laugh at me. Without believing in myself, how could I have endured that time?”

At these final words, Gella burst into tears, hugging Miesa tightly.

“Of course, madam. You’re amazing. You can do anything. You could even be a queen.”

“That’s not true, Gella,” Miesa said, feeling even more embarrassed. She felt guilty for burdening innocent Gella with her overwhelming distress. The idea of becoming a queen was absurd. Clearly, Gella didn’t understand.

“Anyway, I won’t speak again until we leave,” Miesa concluded.

She reached for her earplugs. Hearing Gella’s sobs made her heart ache more, but she had no idea how to comfort her.

Eirik saw the Duke of Salachez approaching from afar, arms raised in an exaggerated greeting. Overly enthusiastic, the Duke embraced Eirik tightly and whispered in his ear.

“The ones among the beaters with canteens are my friends.”

“…Do you have many friends?” Eirik asked, stepping back.

The Duke, with a boastful gesture, gently patted Eirik’s cheek and whispered again, “Twenty-two real friends. Add the ones bought with money, and it’s about a hundred.”

“Mine are the ones wearing old hats,” Eirik informed him.

“Ah, then I’ll have to make sure my friends play nicely together with yours,” the Duke replied.

Once again, the Duke wasn’t wearing the clothes Eirik had picked out for him. With his fiery red hair and gaunt frame, he walked away in comically puffed pants, drawing disapproving glances from several noblewomen nearby as Eirik turned his head.

Have they added sodomy to the rumors now? Eirik sighed deeply. Despite his cautious and almost celibate lifestyle, the world painted him as a pervert, the subject of scandal, and now a sodomite.

Shaking his head, Eirik issued orders to a few knights before turning away. In the distance, he noticed Emmerich mingling with young nobles from other families.

It didn’t matter when it happened, but he hoped it wouldn’t be today. Eirik didn’t want even a small variable to arise, so he walked toward him.

“Emmerich, can we talk for a moment?”

“What brings you here, Margrave?”

His cousin was no longer making exaggerated gestures. Eirik, who had long wished for him to come to his senses, now wondered why he was suddenly acting so properly, and a wry smile formed on his lips.

“Be careful. It’s dangerous.”

With those words, Eirik turned and walked away, not wanting to see his cousin’s reaction.

Returning to the tent, Eirik found Cullen frowning.

“What’s the matter?”

“Gella is crying but won’t say why.”

“What now… Never mind, I’ll handle it.”

Eirik entered, furrowing his brow. Gella looked up, sniffling.

“Is my wife asleep?”

“Yes.”

“Why are you crying again?”

“Again…?” Gella stood, feeling wronged, but she knew it wasn’t the time to express how pitiful she found the madam’s situation.

It’s almost noon. After announcing the start of the hunting tournament, Eirik would head into the mountains with the knights.

“Bring my wife out,” he instructed.