Beneath the Surviving Princess's Joyful Facade - Chapter 76

“I need to speak with Gella for a moment. You, come with me.”

Entering the bedroom in the evening, Eirik signaled Gella to follow him and descended to his newly arranged office on the second floor of the west wing. He needed to confirm something with Gella away from Miesa’s presence.

“How does Miesa know hand signals?” Eirik asked, his tone curious but firm.

“Oh, she wanted to surprise you,” Gella responded with a wide grin, her initial tension easing.

“And how did you learn them?” Eirik continued, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“The knights are always busy, so I managed to persuade your squire. Oh, will the squire be punished because of me?” Gella asked, her voice tinged with worry.

That explains why Cullen didn’t know, Eirik thought, nodding in understanding.

“It’s fine. You may retire to your quarters now,” Eirik said dismissively.

Returning to the bedroom, Eirik found Miesa pacing nervously. He guided her to sit on the sofa.

Eirik calmly explained how Cullen had found out, and after hearing the whole story, Miesa seemed visibly relieved. Once her expression relaxed, Eirik asked rather bluntly, “By the way, why did you lie about your age?”

“If I was too old, being called ‘miss’ would be strange. But I couldn’t exactly reveal my true age either,” Miesa explained, her reasoning sound.

Nodding, Eirik added a comment, “I told Cullen that the person who he accompanied on that outing is already married.”

“What? Why?” Miesa asked, her eyebrows knitting together.

Eirik’s expression grew slightly stern. “Were you planning to pretend to be unmarried?”

“Why not? Is that a problem?”

“That’s—” Eirik hesitated, searching for the right words, but Miesa’s questions came in a flurry.

“Are there rules I need to follow when imitating someone else? What can’t I do?”

“Generally, no. But…” Eirik’s voice trailed off as he looked at Miesa intently.

Despite their recent closeness, she didn’t seem to understand much about romantic relationships between men and women. He rubbed his face in frustration, feeling a pang of self-reproach, and moved slightly away from her.

“What’s wrong? You don’t want to touch me?” Miesa asked, her voice filled with concern.

“It’s just that my mind is a bit complicated right now,” Eirik admitted.

“Will it be okay tomorrow?” Miesa’s questions continued, her disappointment evident when he distanced himself.

“I’ll let you know tomorrow,” Eirik replied, sighing.

He often wondered why some couples seemed awkward even with children. Now, he thought, every household must have its own unique circumstances.

“Cullen… Just be aware. He seemed quite taken with the lady he accompanied on that outing,” Eirik explained.

“Why?” Miesa asked, curiosity piqued.

“Living for years surrounded by wild beasts and men can make one excited at the sight of a woman’s dress,” Eirik said, half-joking.

“Isn’t that what you call a libertine? I didn’t know Cullen was a libertine,” Miesa remarked, her tone surprised.

Eirik hesitated, considering her words, but decided to defend Cullen’s honor. “Cullen is not a libertine. He was simply very taken with that seventeen-year-old lady. So I told him she’s already married to keep him at a distance,” Eirik explained.

“What? Married? What do you mean?” Miesa asked, bewildered.

“Did he intend to propose to that lady? But I didn’t know. So, so I didn’t tell you anything,” she stammered.

“No, there’s no reason to blame you. And about the incident with Tilberg last time…” Eirik said, pulling her hand towards him.

“No, I shouldn’t make excuses. I was wrong back then,” he admitted, his voice low.

“……”

“But for me not to misunderstand, you also need to tell me everything. Haven’t you realized how miserable it is when a married couple can’t trust each other?”

Miesa gazed at him silently. Eirik smiled weakly and asked, “I was miserable. Despite doing my best for you, it was agonizing to feel that you had shut your heart against me and told me nothing.”

“Really…?” Miesa murmured, then grasped his hand tightly.

“In that case, I have something I want to say.”

“I’ve been waiting for those words. Go ahead, tell me everything,” Eirik said encouragingly.

Bolstered by his eagerness, Miesa began to speak the words she had practiced over and over.

“Promise me today. Promise that you won’t think of rebellion.”

As if waiting for this moment, Eirik’s smile vanished instantly.

“Seriously. I enjoy spending time with you like this. This alone is enough for me,” Miesa said, her voice growing more desperate as Eirik’s expression became more severe.

“Everyone died painfully in front of me.”

“……”

“Of course, I don’t think you would do such a terrible thing just for someone like me. But I need assurance. I need to be sure I won’t have to see you die,” she explained, her voice steady from practice.

“Miesa. Listen to me first,” Eirik began, trying to explain. But seeing his intent to persuade her, Miesa instinctively realized he wasn’t listening.

“No. I… you listen to me first,” she insisted.

“Alright,” Eirik agreed, stopping his explanation to hear her out.

Though she had interrupted him, what she wanted to say went beyond what she had practiced. Miesa struggled to find the right words, opening and closing her mouth.

“When… when someone dies resigned to their fate, their eyes go empty. It’s terrifying,” she finally said, hesitating.

“Or they glare at me with resentment, dying for my sake while hating me. Even though I never asked them to,” she continued, her voice trembling.

“…I see,” Eirik acknowledged, knowing he too had difficult words to say.

“The Cladnier family is already the king’s target. If we don’t strike first, it’s clear we’ll be in danger,” he explained.

“But…” Miesa began to protest.

“We can’t just wait quietly for the king’s sword to fall on us,” Eirik insisted.

Miesa’s face turned pale at his words. Her fears were not just paranoid fantasies.

“No, that’s not it. It’s not like that,” she murmured, feeling a surge of emotion. She stood up abruptly and began pacing, unsure of what to say next.

“You said I could say anything. You won’t hate me again, will you?” she asked, her voice quivering.

“I’ve never hated you, and I won’t. Say anything you want,” Eirik reassured her.

With his permission and reassurance, Miesa finally exploded with frustration.

“I… you may not understand, but I’m really a miserable person.”

“……”

“I can’t get close to anyone. Everyone who treats me well ends up in pieces, shattered, on the ground. I had to watch all of it,” she cried out.

“Miesa.”

Eirik tried to pull her towards him, but she resisted, staring him straight in the eyes.

“Can’t I at least have one person? Just one.”

Miesa’s eyes shone with intensity. “I like you. The more I like you, the more scared I am. I lie awake at night, thinking only of you dying in the most terrible way. When I close my eyes, I see it over and over… no matter how much I try to push it out of my mind, it’s useless,” she confessed, her voice trembling with emotion.

Eirik’s hand, which had been holding hers, lost its strength. Miesa continued to speak rapidly, her voice still full of agitation. “If you’re going to do something useless like rebellion, then please, don’t be kind to me. I…”

Suddenly, Miesa dropped to her knees and clung to his clothes. “So please, live. Smile at me every day, and sleep beside me every night. Okay?”

“Miesa. I understand what you’re trying to say,” Eirik said, trying to soothe her.

“No, it’s not enough to understand. Promise me. Swear you won’t do anything,” she pleaded desperately.

“But I—”

“I heard you’re the head of the house now. Swear on the family’s name. Do it, now.”

Eirik rubbed his face with his hand. Closing his eyes, Miesa’s pleading voice grew louder in his ears.

“Please. I’ll do anything you ask. Okay?”

“I’ll think about it. So for now—”

“Can you answer by tomorrow? Will it take a few days?”

“Miesa. Enough now…”

Caught in an impossible situation, Eirik couldn’t find the words to reply. Finally, with a long sigh, he said to her, “Alright. What you fear won’t happen. I won’t die in front of you, so stop thinking about that.”

He held her face in his hands and spoke in a calm voice, “I swear. On the name of the Cladnier family.”

***