Attachment Knight - Chapter 7

A human whose mind has broken is closer to an inanimate object. Right after the humiliating order, the light drained from Radem’s eyes, and his pupils lingered blankly in empty space. After Don Pisano left, the air in the room felt heavy and cold, like a fish tank filled with water.

“Radem.”

“….”

“Sit next to me.”

He did. Once we were finally alone, I let out a long breath. Ice-cold air cooled my chest.

“Do you want to eat something first? You probably couldn’t get a proper meal in prison.”

I told Yerenika to bring food. While a nutritionally balanced meal was laid out to fill the table, Radem only watched me quietly.

Only after I had eaten about half of the soup with bread did Radem force himself to start eating as well.

He watched the bread and soup I had touched. Only then did I realize he was checking whether the food was poisoned.

“…It looks like the brainwashing is wearing off quickly.”

“I told you that you and I had a special connection from long ago.”

“That’s right. Yes! We were quite serious, even if we were cute, naïve, and didn’t know much back then. We were.”

You’re doubting it. I regretted not telling a more convincing lie. Radem lifted his cup and wet his throat. A droplet clinging to the rim trembled, then slid down soundlessly. After only a few sips, he set the cup down and murmured.

“…I don’t remember my childhood very well. I don’t know the details, but memories from that time are faint.”

“Oh dear.”

You don’t remember? Even better. I rejoiced inwardly and put on a sympathetic expression.

“But you knew the name Rosenbauer, which even I lived hiding for a long time.”

“That’s right.”

“I can’t accept your words blindly, but I can’t ignore them either.”

I shrugged as if nothing were wrong and pointed out the most important thing.

“What matters now is that you’re alive, thanks to me.”

You wouldn’t take full advantage of my help and throw me away later, right? You know that.

An ending where we sink together with the island like in the future I saw would be far too tragic.

“Until your body recovers, eat well and rest for a while.”

He looked curious. I could see the longing in his eyes, wanting me to explain a part of his past that he couldn’t remember.

“Do you remember what happened between you and me when we were young?”

I swallowed and spoke in a calm voice, “…Roughly. Does that matter? It’s all in the past, and I don’t remember the details either. In prison, I acted as if we shared quite tender memories to save you, and it really felt that way, but now both you and I are different from back then.”

“….”

“So I meant there’s no need to give meaning to the past. What matters is the present.”

With an implicit warning not to ask further, I curved my eyes into a harmless smile. Humans, whether children or the elderly, men or women, are easily intoxicated by beauty. The more destructive it is, the newer it is without immunity. The more singular its form, the less tiresome it becomes no matter how much you look at it.

Radem stared at my smiling face for a long time. No matter how closely he searched, he wouldn’t find even a trace of a past connected to him. It was amusing and pitiful at the same time.

His eyes were like a clear, cold stream. Straight, deep, and grave, so much so that bluster, deceit, and filth couldn’t seep in. As if he could bloom an elegant lotus even in a filthy swamp.

I was drawn to that trait of his while feeling contempt at the same time. Keeping oneself clean alone in a stench-filled environment is absurd. If something like that were possible, I wouldn’t be living like this now.

Anyway, people like Radem become easy targets for villains. They can be stripped clean of everything, from tears and smiles to flesh, bones, and every last organ.

“That’s probably true. It’s all just something from the past….”

“Don’t be too distressed. If you stay with me, you might recover your memories little by little, right?”

I replied brightly and unwrapped a piece of chocolate, swallowing it in one bite. I offered one to Radem as well, but he politely refused. I was a little excited. Just thinking about how I could freely toy with this naïve, beautiful, oddly lovable knight, who seemed to have no memories and to have grown up upright, made me think I might be able to cut back on the chocolate I habitually shoved down my throat.

I wrapped my arm around him affectionately. “Call me Millie. Like you did when we were young. Of course, in front of other people, you have to use the proper form of address.”

“I understand.”

“When it’s just the two of us, speak casually.”

We properly exchanged names, and when he asked my age, I brushed it off.

Actually, I don’t know my age. I just live because I’m alive. Don celebrated my birthday according to the day he first picked me up. The number of candles on the cake was counted from the day he first held a birthday party for me, so there were only seven.

Reflected in the mirror, we really looked like lovers of a similar age who’d fallen for each other by fate. Beautiful like cherry blossoms and fresh like green foliage. I found myself sinking into a strangely sweet mood.

“From now on, the schedule will revolve around me. You don’t have to go back to the Colosseum. Unless something special comes up, you’re free to spend your time however you want. Training or rest, anything, as long as you don’t leave the castle grounds. The training field is in the northern open area of the castle grounds, where the academy is. But I wouldn’t recommend wandering around the castle alone.”

“Why is that?”

“There are a lot of interesting things here. Interesting, tempting things are dangerous.”

He stared straight at me.

“Are you one of those too, Millie?”

“….”

For a moment, I couldn’t think of anything to say. A skewed silence. As I met his gaze blankly, my cheek stung as if pricked by a glass awl. It felt like I was facing my naked body through a mirror. His eyes had that kind of power. As if my flaws, my dim desires, and at the same time my indifference toward life and emptiness were all being read….

“I think it’s the opposite.”

“The opposite?”

“I’ll show you around the castle sometime later.”

I ate the chick-shaped chocolate that had melted halfway in my hand and cleared away the puzzle pieces scattered messily on the floor. Suddenly, the space felt uncomfortable. I’d have to think about why I felt that discomfort later. But he caught my fleeing gaze and bound it to himself.

“Have you lived on this island the whole time?”

“Yes.”

“What about your parents? Didn’t any other family look for you?”

“There’s nothing like that. They might’ve given up on me. Or maybe I never had parents to begin with.”

“Did Don Pisano kidnap you?”

At the interrogative question, I shook my head. “No. Somehow, I drifted onto this island. I don’t know who brought me here. They say trauma is something you forget by force. That’s how you survive. That’s probably why you can’t remember parts of your past either.”

Radem pressed his lips tightly together. The neat, smooth line of his lips looked like a carefully drawn painting. A careless thought crossed my mind, that I wanted to feel their texture with my fingertips.

Whether the temperature of that pale pink flesh would be cool, like his overall demeanor.

Or, on the contrary, hot, as if it were hiding desire.

“What is your relationship with Don Pisano?”

“If I say he’s my guardian, will you laugh?”

Don is a once-in-a-generation villain feared even by the emperor of Apellant. Power beyond measure, and ominous experiments capable of posing a grave threat to the world. Child abduction, trafficking, human sacrifice, murder, gambling and auctions, the manufacture of illegal weapons and drugs.

At the axis of evil, he always stands. And yet, because his whereabouts are unknown, he has been missed again and again. The worst criminal of all.

“If I said I helped a man like that, would you despise me?”

“…I don’t want to judge rashly.”

It was a vague answer.

Somewhere, a clear clinking sound rang out. It was the sound of the feeding dish I’d hung outside the window shaking. I hurried over to the window and watched the birds peck eagerly at the food I’d left.

The wild birds that ate barley, beans, and wheat grains sang clearly like bells, then spread their wings and flew away. It felt like a word of thanks, and a smile naturally rose to my lips.

Winter had passed, but the early spring sky stretching beyond the window was still heavy and dim.

Beyond the spiderwebs swaying in the wind, a brilliant Ferris wheel was turning forlornly.