Attachment Knight - Chapter 12

Yerenika lectures that those incomprehensible, impulsive habits are all because I’m lacking something, but I don’t listen at all. If I’m in a good mood, I just want to hug anyone. When I’m lonely or sad or depressed, I don’t keep anyone by my side. If I really lacked something, shouldn’t it be the opposite?

How ridiculous, the ones who act like they know everything about me when they don’t know anything.

I suddenly lifted my head. In the darkness, I felt Radem’s upright gaze.

“There’s something I’m curious about.”

“What is it?”

“Do you remember the memories we shared together?”

I reached out and rummaged through the half-opened chocolate box. I picked up a heart-shaped wrapped in gold foil and chewed it like a stimulant.

“We set off fireworks. I burned my finger, and you treated it. You even gently wiped my tears. It didn’t really hurt much, but I liked that you worried about me, so I pretended to cry.”

“….”

“We went to an amusement park too. You said even though you’d ridden real horses, it was your first time on a carousel. I deliberately chose a horse with a high back and said I was scared, so you should hold my hand. Your hands are always warm. You were a gentleman even when you were little, Radem, so you willingly held my hand. And then, what else did we talk about?”

The alcohol fogged me, but it felt like my senses were growing clearer. As I counted on my fingers and vividly made up our memories one by one, I thought I needed a decisive blow. I turned over in my mind the unfamiliar scenes I’d seen when I made contact with Radem in the prison, but there was nothing usable.

I muttered without thinking, “Ah. You said you missed your mother.”

Radem’s eyes wavered. It was the first moment since I met him that a vivid emotion showed.

“Did I say that? To you.”

“You said you inherited that silver hair from your mother. That she’s in a place you can’t see even if you miss her. That you might never meet her again.”

After babbling that much, I got worried. It was something I’d roughly made up using the fact that Radem is an illegitimate son and that his memories are missing, but I wondered if I’d gone too far. How would I know whether his biological mother has silver hair or not? Alcohol was the problem. It makes me talk too much for no reason and throw out reckless lines.

I glanced at Radem, watching his reaction. He was frowning and staring intently at the dark wall.

Ah, what if he realizes it like this? What if the brainwashing breaks? Like a thief spooked by their own footsteps, I backed away from him.

“Radem, there are two things I do like as a ritual before I fall asleep. One is drinking tea that helps me sleep well.”

I backed toward the tea table, unbearably anxious. I steeped tea leaves in warm water and mixed in the potion I stole from Grisha. Before Radem could suspect anything, I had to strengthen the brainwashing.

“Here, drink it.”

Radem took the teacup. Before drinking, he stared for a moment at the unnaturally red tea, but soon he emptied it without leaving a drop. I waited calmly until the cup showed its bottom, then pointed at the carpet.

“The second is working on a puzzle. One thousand pieces. I’ve never finished it even once. Now I don’t even remember what the design is. I wonder what picture will come out if I put all of that together.”

I sat down and began gathering the scattered puzzle pieces one by one. About a quarter of the puzzle was complete. Even this was a brutal stretch of time for me. I don’t think I have any talent for this.

He sat with one knee bent and watched what I was doing quietly, then placed the pieces I handed him into their proper spots one after another. He was fast.

At that moment, a certainty came over me. While he’s here, I might finally see the picture of the puzzle that I couldn’t complete in my entire life.

Now, sleep was truly pouring down on me. I crawled up onto the bed and held my hand out to Radem.

“Stay next to me until I fall asleep.”

“Just staying next to you is enough?”

I felt a change in his voice. The guarded edge had softened. It really was good that I stole a few potions. Relieved, I made a bold demand.

“Hold my hand. Maybe I won’t have nightmares tonight.”

Radem silently held my hand.

They say knights who handle aura have warm bodies because of their nature. To me, who suffers from a cold that seeps into my bones every time, isn’t he an excellent human heater….

I thought a trained knight’s hands would only be hard and rough. I felt calluses, but the inside of his palm was soft, so I was surprised.

“I’ll stay by your side so you can sleep comfortably without having unpleasant dreams.”

“….”

He clasped my hand, where the round bones showed, one by one. It was a careful motion. It was the first time I’d had such intimate contact with a man other than Don Pisano, so it felt strange.

Embarrassing, and a little shy.

If others heard, they’d sneer, saying that as a whore who sells her body and lives in luxury, I’m pretending to be innocent….

“Looks like I’ll sleep well.”

Maybe this simple act really worked, because that night I slept sweetly without a single dream.

When I woke up refreshed, Radem wasn’t by my side. Seeing the blanket neatly arranged and my clothes changed into pajamas, it seemed he called Yerenika and asked her to do it.

While I rubbed my empty hand against the blanket, disappointed, a knock at the door chased away the drowsiness that still lingered.

“Miss, good morning. You must’ve slept well. Your face looks smooth.”

It was Yerenika.

“Where’s Radem?”

“He went to the training grounds. More importantly, look at this. It’s a new dress Don sent. It was custom-ordered directly from a salon that leads the latest trends in the capital of Apellant. For you, miss.”

A white satin dress reminiscent of a pure lily was spread out on the bed. Silver ruffles sprinkled with purple pearl powder rippled like foam.

I touched the fine fabric hem with my fingertips, then let go.

The earrings he gave me probably didn’t even get worn twice before being shoved somewhere in a drawer.

“Today is your birthday, miss. The inside of the castle is already busy with preparations for the banquet.”

I accepted the piled gifts with delight. Even while thinking it’s somehow getting a little tiresome.

“Do you want to try the dress on?”

“Later.”

Even though he knows what I really want, he never once granted it. He drew a strict line, treating it like a child’s foolish stubbornness. After that, I stopped bringing it up, but I couldn’t understand Don’s behavior, acting like he didn’t know even though he knew my desperate feelings.

If he truly loves and cherishes me, couldn’t he grant it at least once?

Just then, as if he’d read my mind, a knock sounded.

“Happy birthday, Millie. I hope you liked the gift.”

A man dressed in a gray three-piece suit walked into the sitting room with a fine smile. In Don’s hands was a two-tier cake covered with lemon powder, almond chocolate, and chestnut cream.

“I had it custom-made.”

“There’s something I want.”

“You’re not going to say something useless again, like you want to go outside the island, are you?”

“It’s not that. Can’t you spend today with me, just the two of us?”

“You know I’m not that idle. A truly splendid party will be held tonight. Isn’t it enough that I made time to personally prepare a party for you?”

He gently scolded me, his hand wrapped around my nape. I know. I know how hard he tries to please me. Rare food, expensive gifts, sweet alcohol, and a hot bed. That was the way Don Pisano loved. I wait desperately for Eros who isn’t there in the daytime and appears every night.

“Let’s go together to the shopping street….”

Go on a date, and in the evening, watch fireworks at the amusement park. Do you know the last time I rode the carousel was ten years ago? It’s the empire’s largest amusement park, right past a single forest, but I can’t go. After living as Don’s woman, the range of movement allowed to me is only the castle and the stage where performances are held. Without Don accompanying me, I can’t freely come and go anywhere outside the castle.

“Why are you acting like you want to buy more?”

“It’s not that.”

“You know I’m conducting an important experiment.”

“….”

“It’s been my lifelong wish. If that succeeds, we’ll be able to be together forever from now on. So don’t exhaust me by acting like a child.”

His thick fingers pulled my drooping lips up into a crescent.

“I want to see you smile, Millie. It melts away all the fatigue of my day.”

I shook off that hand. The skin that brushed the back of my hand was cool and dry, unlike Radem’s.

“I know you’re reluctant to show yourself because you’re wanted, Don, and I know you hate loud noise. But you can go out with me just once, can’t you?”