Attachment Knight - Chapter 11

“Rather than a simple lover relationship, it’s a bit deeper. He took her in when she was young, fed her, and raised her himself. She’s probably an almost one-of-a-kind existence to him. He controls her a lot too, but isn’t that all a sign of affection? There’s no one who loves her as much as Don Pisano.”

“….”

“That’s an obvious fact.”

Radem furrowed his brow without thinking. The thin back of the woman sitting by the window came to mind.

“If she doesn’t receive love, she might grow so anxious she’ll die. She’s the type who would do anything to get Don Pisano’s attention. Honestly, when she introduced you to Don ‘like that,’ I couldn’t help but be suspicious.”

“What are you saying?”

“Ah, she’s lying again. Even though she knows a childish jealousy tactic doesn’t work on Don, she does it again. She doesn’t get tired of repeating meaningless actions. Of course, no one believes it.”

“….”

Radem couldn’t find an appropriate answer. The ticking second hand seeped into the uncomfortable silence.

“But the reason I thought this time it might be real was because she welcomed you as if you were a lover she’d been searching for for a long time.”

“For an actor of extremes, wouldn’t that kind of acting be easy?”

“Who knows. Miss Millicent grew up on the island, but when she first came here, she was old enough to walk on her own two feet and speak. No one knows what her life was like before.”

“….”

“What’s true and what’s false, only she would know.”

As if she were determined to fill his heart with confusion, Yerenika left with an ambiguous smile. Radem stood there blankly, then gripped the glass of water on the table. Cold water poured down his throat in gulps.

There wasn’t just one or two discomforts left like burrs in his heart.

“She sometimes lives believing the lies she made herself.”

“What’s true and what’s false, only she would know.”

Outside the window, a Ferris wheel spun, flashing as if to bewitch people. The time night arrives. The colorful lights of the amusement park embroidered the streets, and clowns and fairies in ridiculous costumes, devils with torn wings, and wicked wizards roamed around.

Everyone wears a mask and dances. Crude laughter and screams full of rapture and the mysterious melody of a celesta rode along the castle’s thick walls and flowed all the way to him.

Behind the childlike space, a shadowy entertainment district crouched. Gambling and illegal matches, auctions, and prostitution. Raw human filth and desire mixed with a strange heat in the Colosseum arena.

For those accustomed to deceit and amusement, the truth might be meaningless.

But doesn’t she know the name Radem Rosenbauer?

Even the family members tried desperately to hide his surname.

Why?

His mind was murky with questions.

Today is the last day of confinement. They said Millicent would return if he waited. If she still hasn’t shown herself until the sun sets, did she really forget his existence?

Radem rested his chin on his hand and took in the multicolored lights reflected at the window.

“….”

“You call it love.”

“That’s how my father, the head of the family, loves me.”

For a moment, a young boy’s voice overlapped and echoed.

At the voice he didn’t want to hear, his brow furrowed.

“Father.”

“Father….”

It felt like glass fragments were sticking to the rim of his ear. It started to rain. Radem glared at the raindrops beading thickly on the window like coarse jewels and the blurred lights of the amusement park.

The boy remembers the reproach and expectation-laden look of the biological father who drove him harshly. Even now, after a long time has passed and he has become a young man.

Until his abilities were recognized inside and outside the family, Radem was nothing but a stain and a fatal mistake of Baharkan, the head of the Rosenbauer family.

He couldn’t meet his birth mother. The place where his mother was was too far and too high. Left in the ducal residence, Radem grew up amid indifference. He clung to earn his father’s gaze and spied on his half-brothers eating at the same table. Even a servant would do, he wanted anyone to look at him. But they drew a line coldly, even as they stayed polite.

The head of the Rosenbauer family cleverly used Radem’s lack to raise him as the family’s loyal watchdog and fighting dog. Even knowing that, it was Radem who chose to be used.

“Because I trust you, I’m entrusting you with an important mission, Radem.”

His father’s softened gaze and tone, the affectionate touches tossed to him like a carrot. Even if it was hypocrisy, it didn’t matter. He knew you can’t divide the same amount of love among all siblings, so a bastard inevitably gets pushed down the ranking.

He believed fulfilling his father’s expectations was the only qualification to be loved. He thought that was how Baharkan Rosenbauer loved him. By the time he realized its substance was cruel violence, he was already deep in the swamp.

Radem let out a bitter laugh.

Did Millicent, like him, mistake it for being used too?

Because she lives in a glamorous prison too, did she think the situation of a warhorse rolling its limbs was the same as that of a princess being revered….

Radem pushed away the unnecessary thoughts.

The barren garden and the thick forest cutting across the border of the estate grounds swayed as if submerged in water.

One by one, the lights of the rides went out. The music stopped, and the street, where people in colorful puffed outfits retreated like the ebb tide, was bleak. The carousel that turned until the very end became ash-gray as it stopped like a discarded relic only after it spat out a small boy.

Radem clenched his wide-open palm tightly. Perhaps because of the restraints, his aura recovered noticeably slowly. His body’s recovery was slow too.

Time seemed to flow very slowly here, for some reason.

Like being sunk in a huge fish tank filled with water.

***

After returning to my room in ten days, I was extremely excited. Having a delicious dinner with Don and receiving an expensive gift, even if it was getting a bit tiresome now, was still a pleasant thing. After doing this and that, I came into my room late at night and froze for a moment at the man sitting blankly in one corner of the dim room, staring at me.

“Are you returning now?”

Before I could blurt out a stupid question like, ‘Who?’ I came to my senses. And I was very surprised.

“Radem?”

“Yes, you remember me.”

“My goodness.”

I had completely forgotten this man existed. As the memory from just a few days ago, which felt like a distant thing, slowly returned, I was even happier to see Radem, who appeared like a surprise gift. I’d been drinking, so my mood was lifted, and I threw my arms around him.

“….”

The body trapped in my arms twitched as if flustered.

“Of course I remember. Were you upset because I didn’t say anything? Sorry, sorry. I thought Yerenika would pass it on. Have you been well?”

“I was surprised when I heard you received a confinement punishment.”

“Yes, there was a minor misunderstanding. It wasn’t even anything, but I didn’t know I’d have to reflect for ten whole days.”

I carefully looked over the handsome man, who looked even neater in the meantime.

Even the simple outfit of a white shirt and black pants looked like a picture because his build supported it.

Even the thin control strap on his wrist looked like an accessory.

“Why are you smiling?”

“I imagined what you’d look like in a knight’s uniform, and I think it’d look really splendid.”

“It’s not bad.”

Ah, tonight really is a pleasant night. I’m satisfied after getting sweet food, alcohol, gifts, and an even sweeter freedom, and on top of that, such a handsome man is waiting for me.

“How did you spend your time while I was gone?”

“What was there for me to do? Learning the inside of the castle and your daily routine was all. I can’t enter the training grounds without your permission.”

“Ah, right. I’ll tell Yerenika.”

My voice, soaked in alcohol, drooped with languor. I leaned my white cheek slightly against Radem’s arm.

“I’m dizzy.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to go into the bedroom?”

“I can’t sleep. I actually feel a bit clearer…. If I can’t enjoy a beautiful night like today, that’s a sin.”

I pulled away from him and staggered to the sofa, then lay down like I was being sucked in. The drunkenness was slowly rising, and if I wasn’t careful, I felt like I’d make a mistake. If he knew my drunken habit was to suddenly hug and rub up on someone, how flustered would he be? I didn’t want to look dirty to the man with the clearest, most transparent eyes I’ve ever seen.

Because filth was always the tag that clung to me disgustingly, like a tail.