A Butterfly Through the Mist - Chapter 66

The moment she saw him, an absurd heat rose to her face. It was only then that she realized where she had dragged him to.

She was standing in the very place where her chest had heaved, where she had gasped for air. In that room, where her fingernails had left long scratches on his back as she fumbled through her first experience of such sensations.

Like a dam breaking, memories of that brilliantly white sunlit day poured into Tilia’s mind.

The heated sensations, the dirty whispers, and the dizzying, lewd scent—the vivid recollection of her first experience made Tilia’s face flush red.

Unconsciously, she hid her sweaty palms behind her back, cursing herself vehemently for bringing him here.

I’m insane. Even if I wasn’t thinking straight, how could I have come back here…

She resolved to escape this embarrassing place as quickly as possible and lifted her head—only to meet his calm gray-blue eyes staring straight at her.

Half-reclined on the bed, supporting himself on his elbows, he had been silently watching her the whole time.

Unlike that glaringly bright day, the room was now lit only by the soft glow of a lamp. The amber light danced on his elegant face, casting spots of shadow on the bed he seemed to command.

The sensuality of the moment almost made her breath catch. In his unwavering gaze, Tilia felt that he, too, was reliving that chaotic day. And just as she could sense his thoughts, it seemed he could also feel her vivid recollection of those obscene moments.

She knew she had to leave. Yet, like an insect caught in a spider’s web, she couldn’t move. It was as if breaking free from his gaze would lead to her demise. She couldn’t take her eyes off him.

The hair on the back of her neck seemed to stand on end. It felt as though the arch of her foot was being licked by a damp tongue.

Her breathing became shallow, and the tension in her chest seemed unbearable. At that moment…

Exhale.

Ilex let out a sharp breath and abruptly stood up.

Startled, Tilia flinched like a herbivore grazed on the shoulder by an arrow, taking a step back.

But his destination wasn’t the bathroom door near where she stood.

Crossing the room quickly, he unlocked the latch of the tightly closed window and swung it open.

Cold night air swept into the previously warm room. At the same time, her reason, which had been drowned in desire, snapped back into place.

Tilia’s face turned a deeper red for entirely different reasons as she stepped back. Her back hit the wall after taking too many retreating steps, but she wished she could vanish through it instead.

I’m insane. Completely insane.

The words she had muttered earlier returned to her mind, this time with harsher self-reproach.

I have to leave. The uneasy thought that she might cross the line—not him, but herself—made her turn away. At that moment…

“Tilia.”

From the window, his voice, a little curt, called her name.

Should she just leave without answering? She hesitated briefly before replying in a slightly chilly tone.

“What.”

“When you go to Ontaroa… what’s the first thing you want to do?”

After a short pause, his question came out of nowhere. It made Tilia half-turn toward him.

“What?”

“You acted like you’d die if you didn’t get into the Foreign Affairs Consulate. What made you so desperate?”

Ilex remained by the window, standing against the cold wind blowing in.

She studied his profile, trying to gauge his thoughts, but all she could discern was that he was slightly flushed. She couldn’t read any more than that.

“Tell me. Why were you so determined to go to Ontaroa? Why did you want that consulate position so badly?”

Taking a deep breath, he turned fully toward her. His gray-blue eyes had turned cold, like the wind he was blocking with his back.

Feeling as though his gaze was peeling away her defenses, Tilia hesitated.

Why did she want to go to Ontaroa? If asked, she had many reasons.

Because she wanted to leave the wretched Ambrose mansion. Because she wanted to escape a father who only thought of selling her off.

Because she wanted to live a real life, not the detestable lie she had endured for so long.

But none of those reasons could escape her lips.

Those were too private, too deeply buried secrets of Tilia Ambrose. Far different from simply having her goal of the Foreign Affairs Consulate discovered.

While she stood there, unable to answer, Ilex pressed her further.

“Tell me. What do you want to do in Ontaroa?”

She briefly considered staying silent and walking away, but she knew better. That persistent man would follow her to the end. Knowing his tenacity, Tilia eventually let out a small sigh and opened her mouth.

“Just… well… I want to earn money comfortably.”

What she said wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the complete truth either.

“You know how it is. The Ambrose family is dirt poor, so we have to work to make a living. And it’s easier to find work in Ontaroa, where there are fewer restrictions on noblewomen’s employment, than in Arkansis. Besides, the Foreign Affairs Consulate job provides housing…”

“There are plenty of jobs in Arkansis that offer room and board for well-educated upper-class women.”

As if reading her mind, Ilex countered swiftly.

“There’s no shortage of positions similar to the Foreign Affairs Consulate here. High-paying positions as private tutors or teachers in private schools. And if you dislike teaching, you could join the administration of a public school. Are you saying there’s nowhere in this vast kingdom for a graduate with excellent grades from the Royal Academy to work?”

“…But here, I wouldn’t be free.”

“Why not? If it’s about citizenship issues, things have changed a lot since Queen Fidelia ascended the throne. Even if it’s not perfect yet, in time, Arkansis will undoubtedly surpass Ontaroa in that regard…”

“But my father and brother are here!”

Tilia’s voice turned sharp, cutting him off mid-sentence. She could no longer hold back her irritation.

“How am I supposed to live freely in a place where Baron Ambrose and George Ambrose exist? What’s the point of earning money if they’ll just take it all? No, they wouldn’t even let me work in the first place! To avoid those vultures who’d sell me off the first chance they get, I at least need to cross the border…!”

Her words burst out like an explosion, but she quickly clamped her mouth shut.

She had made a mistake. Prodded by his persistence, she had let slip the truth she had wanted to keep hidden.

These were things she didn’t want to share—vulnerabilities she had intended to conceal forever.

Feeling humiliated, Tilia stared down at the floor in silence. The fact that her father abused her was the one rumor Baron Ambrose had been desperately trying to suppress.

Raised in a good home, educated in a respectable family, Ilex Davenport probably couldn’t even imagine such a thing. That someone could be so desperate to escape their family that it became their lifelong dream.

The chasm between their lives struck her. He was someone who could glide gracefully through life’s river like a swan, while she had to flail with all her might just to keep her nose above the water.

As she felt the weight of that vast disparity, she recalled why she had hated Ilex Davenport so much in the past.

Of course, Ilex wouldn’t understand the poverty and shame she had lived through.

Any moment where she thought they had grown closer was clearly an illusion. From the beginning, they were as different as a gourmet meal and the gruel one spits out.

Even as she came to this bitter realization, the silence between them stretched.

A suffocating sense of humiliation settled over her like dirt being piled on her head. Though she knew she was burying herself, she couldn’t stop blaming him in her mind.

‘…Enough.’

Barely pulling herself back from the deepening spiral of inferiority, Tilia composed her expression. Donning her usual cold mask, she turned her back on him.

There was no need for farewells. Ilex Davenport wouldn’t want one anyway.

Summoning her remaining pride, she took a step toward the exit. That was when…

“So, if your father and brother were gone, you’d stay?”

From behind her, his voice came, low and unsettling.

Even though the question was delayed and strange, Tilia didn’t turn around.

She had already shown him too much hesitation. She didn’t want to reveal any more of her vulnerability.

Step by step, she walked toward the door, pretending she hadn’t heard him. But Ilex’s muttering voice rang clearly in her ears, almost as if he were whispering directly to her.

“So that’s all it would take for you to stay here…”

A sudden sense of danger made her instinctively want to glance back, but she forced herself to keep her head high and opened the door.

The soft hinge opened and closed without a sound.

Before the icy winter wind could whip her face, she thought she heard faint laughter from behind her. But Tilia didn’t look back.